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Why you shouldn't tell a narcissist they're a narcissist?

More From Men's Health. The real reason why simply confronting a narcissist and calling them out for their behavior won't work is simple: they're not actually listening to you. If they truly are a narcissist, they have never been listening, and are especially unlikely to take any criticism or feedback on board.

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It can be a huge relief to realize that the person who has been making your life difficult is a narcissist — to be able to put a single word to the gaslighting, lack of empathy, and other ways in which they may have hurt you and others. But while it can be meaningful to have this information, does not necessarily mean you should share it with that person. "It feels like a revelation, it feels like the moment you get the one thing nobody ever gets in a relationship with a narcissist, and that's justice," says clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula. Unfortunately, a narcissist isn't just waiting for you to get their number in order to then change their behavior. "Not only is it not going to change anything, it's probably going to make things worse," she says. "They're going to look at you, they're going to turn it around, and they're going to say, 'Really? Because I would say you're the narcissist.' And then they'll go on a 20-minute tirade about how you're the narcissist, and they'll gaslight you, and they'll manipulate you, and they'll throw in some insults, and by the time they're done with you and they've done that number on you, you are going to think you're the narcissist. Is that really worth it?"

More From Men's Health

The real reason why simply confronting a narcissist and calling them out for their behavior won't work is simple: they're not actually listening to you. If they truly are a narcissist, they have never been listening, and are especially unlikely to take any criticism or feedback on board. This content is imported from youTube. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

Why you SHOULD NEVER call narcissists out Watch on

Ramani adds that in her professional capacity as a therapist, she has had that conversation, but each time it has come after months of laying important groundwork. And if that conversation goes badly, it is also a lot easier to refer a client to another therapist than it is to continue a relationship with a narcissistic friend, colleague or family member. The most important thing, Ramani advises, is to prioritize your own safety and wellbeing, possibly through therapy. "Work on techniques around how you can protect yourself so you don't defend or personalize, maintain realistic expectations," she says. "Once you figure this out, it becomes a brilliant opportunity not only to shield yourself, but other people in that circumstance. And most importantly, the best way to school the narcissist is not to tell them a narcissist; the best way to do it is to slowly but surely start pulling back the narcissistic supply. It's a gradual distancing. You're no longer engaging, you're no longer a source of supply or bait... Your lack of engagement is all the lesson you need to show them." Subscribe to Men's Health Subscribe to Men's Health Shop at Hearst Credit: Men's Health

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How do you give a guy a cold shoulder?

Don't talk to the person. If the person keeps engaging, simply tell him you are not willing to engage at this time. Say, “This isn't something I want to talk about at this moment” or “I'm not in an emotional space to talk about this constructively. Let's talk later.”

This article was co-authored by wikiHow Staff . Our trained team of editors and researchers validate articles for accuracy and comprehensiveness. wikiHow's Content Management Team carefully monitors the work from our editorial staff to ensure that each article is backed by trusted research and meets our high quality standards. This article has been viewed 717,421 times.

Article Summary

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Giving someone the silent treatment can be tough when it's someone you're typically close to, but you can successfully shut them out by being firm and adjusting your schedule. Not only should you give this person the silent treatment in real life, but ignore any texts, phone calls, or messages over social media as well. If you know where the person usually ends up at certain times of the day, do your best to be somewhere else and create distance between the 2 of you. If you have to be in the same room as the person you’re avoiding, keep your face emotionless. By even showing anger or sadness, they can take it as a response and use it against you. For more help, including how to engage with the person when you’re done giving them the silent treatment, read on.

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