Why might a narcissist obsess over one ex?

"The central motivator for narcissists is validation," she explains. "And an ex is often a really interesting place to get it... They constantly need that fresh narcissistic supply, and they kind of know what an ex's supply is like."

menshealth.com - The Reason Why Narcissists Like to Stay in Touch With Their Exes

What time is the best time to post a TikTok?

Best Times to Post on TikTok for 2023 Monday: 6 AM, 10 AM, 10 PM. Tuesday: 2 AM, 4 AM, 9 AM. Wednesday: 7 AM, 8 AM, 11 PM. Thursday: 9 AM, 12 AM, 7...

Last updated Oct 13, 2019

What are the best cuddling positions?

There's no right or wrong way to cuddle, but these common cuddling positions can pave the way to an epic cuddling session. The “spoon” Share on...

Last updated May 21, 2019

Promotion

Staying friends with your ex is a highly personal decision. For some people, once the pain and frustration of a breakup is over, they realize they still have a great deal of platonic affection for their ex — or they reach the conclusion that they simply work better as friends than as a couple. Others have a scorched earth policy, where once they've broken up with somebody, they either don't want or simply can't see a way to change the nature of the relationship in order to keep that person in their life. But as clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula points out, narcissists often have a habit of staying in contact with their exes in a way that is solely about their own needs. "The central motivator for narcissists is validation," she explains. "And an ex is often a really interesting place to get it... They constantly need that fresh narcissistic supply, and they kind of know what an ex's supply is like."

More From Men's Health

A narcissist may well try to frame this character trait as virtuous or evolved to their current partner, when in fact, they're just looking after their "gravy train" of validation. And for the ex, it can result in them getting dragged back into the same old patterns. "It can be years where you still get caught up in that mental gamesmanship and sort of hypnosis of being in one of these relationships," says Durvasula. "So when they do a side love bomb on you, while they're still in a relationship with someone else, you can feel all that excitement you did when you were originally love bombed." There are a couple of other factors that feed into this behavior. For one, narcissists often struggle with abandonment issues. "They're struggling with a core insecurity," she says. "If we're solid in our sense of self, we may miss someone, but we won't feel that primitive sense of abandonment. Narcissists can have that sense, especially if the person they used to be in a relationship with is someone they value: someone who is rich, powerful, attractive, much younger than them, or something that gave them some extra superficial cachet." And finally, Durvasula adds, narcissists just really love having secrets. "For narcissists, secrets are power," she says. "It's a little bit of currency, or a weapon they can take out down the road. It makes them feel like they're getting away with something, and fuels their grandiosity." This content is imported from youTube. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

Why do narcissists stay in touch with their exes? Watch on

That isn't to say Durvasula believes everyone who stays in contact with an ex is a narcissist; it's the secrecy and manipulation that go along with it that are the big problems. "As long as it's transparent, above board, healthy, and there's no microcheating going on, I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing," she says.

How often should you hang out with someone you like?

He told Bravo TV, "It's important to stick to twice a week only so that you have plenty of time away from your new date to give your deepest...

Last updated Jun 15, 2019

What color means aggressive?

Red Red. This is the color of aggression and passion—great for a first date, not so great for the office. It also increases metabolism and raises...

Last updated Feb 23, 2019

Promotion

How do you get a guy who likes you to leave you alone?

Be honest. Let them know that you are not interested; say this assertively but without being mean. You do not need to list all of his faults and hurt his feelings. Just be clear that you don't think a relationship (of whatever sort is at stake) will work and that you would prefer it if he leave you alone.

wikihow.com - How to Get Someone to Leave You Alone: 12 Steps (with Pictures)

This article was co-authored by Tasha Rube, LMSW . Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014. This article has been viewed 301,300 times.

Article Summary

X

If you want someone to leave you alone, there are a few ways you can get them off your back. Try crossing your arms, facing away from them, and avoiding eye contact to make it obvious that you’re not interested. If they still don’t get the hint, tell them clearly. For example, say, “Sorry, I'm not in the best mood right now, I can't talk.” If they keep texting you, give them short, vague replies and wait a few hours before replying each time. If they won’t leave you alone then, don’t be afraid to just stop replying, since you already gave them a chance to take the hint. For more tips from our co-author, including how to report someone for harassing you, read on.

What do orange utility markers mean?

telecommunication, alarm or signal lines Red: electric power lines, cables, conduit and lighting cables. Orange: telecommunication, alarm or signal...

Last updated Nov 21, 2022