Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Mikhail Nilov
Multiple studies have confirmed our brains experience something very much like an addiction when we're in love. The first time may be the most important because it's the foundation. Most likely, you experienced this foundation of love during a time (adolescence) when your brain was still developing.
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Read More »A 2005 study by biological anthropologist Helen Fisher found that romantic love is primarily a motivation system, rather than an emotion (or set of emotions). Fisher and others have supported this finding by using fMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging) to study the brains of people who are in love. So, what happens in your brain when you fall in love? According to 2017 Harvard Medical School research: Oxytocin, which is considered the “love hormone” responsible for our feelings of attachment and intimacy, is released. Dopamine is released, which activates the reward pathway in our brain, causing a “motivation/reward” affect. This is where the “addiction” part of love comes in. We seek out the reward of love even through obstacles that may be dangerous or painful (a cheating spouse, etc.). Norepinephrine, a hormone similar to dopamine, is also released in the initial stages of love (lust or infatuation) and this causes us to become giddy, energized, and euphoric. During sex with a partner, cortisol levels lower. Cortisol is the primary “stress” hormone that is released in intense situations. Having less of this helps us ease into a more relaxed and vulnerable state, which is oftentimes why “meaningless sex” with someone turns into something more; you’re vulnerable and have just gotten a big dose of hormones that make you feel attached and infatuated. Serotonin levels drop — this is important to note because the brains of people who have been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) also have lower serotonin levels. This leads to speculation that being in love can make you act with obsessive-compulsive tendencies. The results of the Harvard study (combined with Fisher’s fMRI study on a brain in love) very strongly suggest that because love provides a kind of chemical feedback in our brains, recreating this chemical response may eventually become our human drive or motivation to stay in love.
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Read More »This idea is corroborated by cognitive scientists at MIT, who explained that the overall brain processing power and detail memory peak for our brains happens around 18 years old. First love also affects us psychologically. According to Dr. Niloo Dardashti, a couples therapist based in New York, the feelings we experience with our first love become a blueprint for how we approach future relationships. In a very real way, just as our perception of platonic and familial love is forged in childhood by our parents or caregivers, our idea of romantic love is impacted by how we experience it for the first time. There is still be much research to be done on the true effects of love on the human brain, but from what we understand so far, love doesn’t just affect us while we experience it. Its impact on our biology can be felt for the rest of our lives, and the power of this phenomenon can be difficult to explain and understand, as Albert Einstein once put it: “How on earth are you going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?” Subscribe for counterintuitive, surprising, and impactful stories delivered to your inbox every Thursday Notice: JavaScript is required for this content. This article was originally published in October 2020. It was updated in March 2022.
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