Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Nataliya Vaitkevich
Conflict avoidance is a type of people-pleasing behavior that typically arises from a deep rooted fear of upsetting others. Many of these tendencies can be traced back to growing up in an environment that was dismissive or hypercritical.
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Read More »What it is Imagine this scenario: You’ve been working hard on a presentation for several weeks, spending extra hours trying to get everything just right. You’ve overseen every detail and even woke up early to prepare for today’s meeting with your boss. Now imagine a co-worker interjecting and taking all the credit for your work. But instead of being in touch with your anger and (rightly) speaking up, you choose to silently withdraw. Being conflict avoidant means exactly that: being afraid of possible disagreements at all costs. Aside from our work life, avoiding conflict can manifest in our romantic relationships, friendships, and even family dynamics. While getting out of these damaging patterns is tricky, there are ways to move forward in the face of our fears and express our emotions authentically. What it looks like Conflict avoidance is a type of people-pleasing behavior that typically arises from a deep rooted fear of upsetting others. Many of these tendencies can be traced back to growing up in an environment that was dismissive or hypercritical. People who respond to conflict this way often expect negative outcomes and find it difficult to trust the other person’s reaction. In other words, asserting your opinion can seem scary or unnerving. You prefer to be seen as the “nice person” at work, for example, or may shy away from open, healthy conflict so as not to rock the boat. In a relationship, this can look like going silent on a partner, changing the subject, or enduring uncomfortable situations instead of expressing issues openly. Here are more examples of how this may manifest: stonewalling, or denying an issue exists by ignoring it
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Read More »“All of my experiences (good and bad) give me the space to grow.” Resolve issues in real-time Rather than endlessly ruminate and allow conflicts to fester in your head, try taking a more assertive approach. You can start by stating the issue non-emotionally and using fact-based sentences like, “It appears I worked very hard on this project and yet my name was left out of the presentation.” Avoid being accusatory or defensive when approaching the co-worker who took all the credit for your work. Instead, say “I’d appreciate it if, going forward, we use both our names on the project and include each other on all emails to our supervisor.” When to get help While it can be tempting to bottle up feelings like anger and frustration by not rocking the boat, conflict-avoiding tendencies can take a toll on your mental health. Leaving conflicts unresolved leads to pent-up frustration and a greater sense of loneliness that can build up over time. Speaking to a qualified therapist can help you learn how to better manage your negative emotions. You can work together on resolving conflicts more productively.
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