Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: cottonbro studio
Seeking Revenge In some situations, a spouse may engage in an emotional affair as a way of getting back at their partner or dealing with unaddressed anger or issues. It's a form of acting out, but in a way that might seem less serious than cheating physically.
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Read More »Have you ever gotten very close to someone who isn't your partner? You didn't have an affair because nothing physical happened, but it still felt like a boundary was crossed. Does it feel like you might have been cheating by spending so much time and energy on someone else? This is a real thing called emotional infidelity. What Is Emotional Infidelity? Emotional infidelity describes relationships that break the boundaries of exclusive relationships but are not sexual or physical. But how do you know if you are having an emotional affair or forming a meaningful, important friendship? What is the difference between casually flirting with someone and having some fun or cheating on your partner? To find out how to identify emotional infidelity and to know when it's a problem, what causes it, and how to address it, we turned to psychotherapist Matt Lundquist. Meet the Expert Matt Lundquist is a psychotherapist in New York City who specializes in couples counseling and relationships. “As a couples therapist I'm a strong proponent of people in a relationship having meaningful, close relationships outside of marriage,” says Lundquist. “Couples need to talk openly about what features of those outside relationships are okay and continually examine those boundaries.”
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Read More »Am I getting my romantic needs met with someone else? Even if touching isn't involved, if you are sexting with someone or getting aroused from your conversation, that can be a warning sign. Even if touching isn't involved, if you are sexting with someone or getting aroused from your conversation, that can be a warning sign. Am I concealing my relationship? If you are engaged in a new friendship that you can't talk about with your spouse or partner (or you don't feel comfortable revealing the extent of it) something is probably not quite right.
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Read More »In some situations, a spouse may engage in an emotional affair as a way of getting back at their partner or dealing with unaddressed anger or issues. It’s a form of acting out, but in a way that might seem less serious than cheating physically. Also if someone is feeling distant from their partner they might seek closeness to others. Lundquist believes the best way to deal with an emotional affair is to prevent it before it even starts. You can do that by paying attention when you start feeling distant from your partner or upset that a need isn't met. Instead of burying it, or pretending there isn’t a problem, talk to your person about it. It is a daunting task, but it is a lot easier than rebuilding trust after an emotional affair. “Much of my advice with regard to addressing emotional infidelity is in the realm of prevention,” he shares. “Couples always go through periods of closeness and not being so close. The answer is noting and responding when the distance emerges, so it can be dealt with directly.” If you've engaged in emotional infidelity, be honest about what transpired. Don't pretend it wasn't a big deal because nothing physical occurred. Emotional affairs can be just as intimate if not more than physical ones. While it is important to talk about the affair and what happened during it, what is even more vital is for couples to figure out the underlying causes that led to it. “Often couples dealing with affairs, including the emotional kind, want to talk about the affair, the hurt, and the aftermath,” says Lundquist. “What’s needed in good couples therapy is to address what’s happened to the marriage itself—how has the marriage failed to meet everyone’s needs?” If you're having a hard time talking about the situation or if you are getting nowhere, look for professional help to guide you along the journey. “Seek professional help when you’re stuck,” adds Lundquist. “Infidelity of any kind is an indication that something is broken in the relationship. So, too, for emotional affairs.”
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