Infatuation Rules
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Why do I feel so unsure about my relationship?

You Have Trouble Communicating It makes sense to have doubts about your relationship if you feel like you can't talk to your partner. Like trust, communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. Both people in a relationship should be able to go to each other with thoughts, feelings, and concerns.

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There can be many different reasons why you might be feeling uncertain about the dynamic between you and your partner. Here are some things to consider.

You Lack Trust With Your Partner

Trust is a foundational element of any relationship. Without trust, it is difficult--if not impossible--to have a functional, healthy relationship. Has your partner broken your trust in some way? Your mind may jump immediately to infidelity when you hear this question. While that is certainly a breach of trust, it is not the only way that trust can be negatively affected. Maybe you have been unable to rely on them to show up for you physically or emotionally, or maybe they cannot be honest about their feelings. Trust is wrapped up in all of these issues, and more. On the other hand, have you been keeping your partner at a distance? Putting up a wall around your heart does not allow your partner into your emotional world, making it challenging to build trust. If you don’t trust your partner--either because of their actions, your own, or both--it makes sense that you’d feel unsure about your relationship.

You Have Trouble Communicating

It makes sense to have doubts about your relationship if you feel like you can’t talk to your partner. Like trust, communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. Both people in a relationship should be able to go to each other with thoughts, feelings, and concerns. It’s important to feel supported by your partner. It’s also important to be able to talk about issues with your partner so that they can be worked through. Without communication, these things can build up and lead to resentment. This may be where some of your uncertainty about your relationship is coming from. Keep in mind that no one is born with perfect communication strategies--they can be learned, if you and your partner are willing to practice.

You Need To Get To Know Them (And Yourself) Better

There’s a reason why we refer to the beginning of a relationship as the honeymoon period. When you’re just starting out with a new partner, it can be easy to get wrapped up in all of the great things about them. The excitement of a new beginning and hope for the future can feel amazing. However, your heart may be taking the lead over your head. Your judgement and reason can be clouded by infatuation for your new partner.

When that starts to fade, you may be left feeling uncertain about the relationship. They’re no longer this “perfect” person you thought they were--so does that mean the relationship is doomed?

Not necessarily. You may just need more time to get to know them in order to get a feel for what they’re really like. You may also need more time to reflect on what exactly you want in a relationship, and whether this person can fulfill that role.

You Have Different Lifestyles

Being similar to your partner is not a requirement of a healthy, happy relationship. In fact, many couples have different personalities, interests, and ways of thinking. However, if you and your partner are on completely different pages with most things, it can be difficult to foster a strong bond with them. It’s important to weigh your differences to consider how they may impact your relationship in the long run. For instance, do they love partying while you prefer to stay away from substances? Do they feel strongly about starting a family? These types of differences can cause significant strain in a relationship as they represent completely different lifestyles.

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How do I know if I have fallen out of love?

Signs you're falling out of love. You're less interested in spending time with them. You're thinking about them less and less. They start to feel like a burden. Their behavior is increasingly annoying to you. You feel like you're just going through the motions. You're no longer having meaningful conversations. More items... •

Sometimes, we find ourselves at an emotional crossroads with our relationship's future. At times, this has nothing to do with your partner and their behavior. Maybe they didn't betray your trust or fail at good communication. The romantic uncertainty might just be coming completely from you, which can make you feel even worse. To an extent, uncertainty is normal. Every relationship has periods of ambivalence, according to Jane Greer, Ph.D., a family and marriage therapist based in New York City. Questioning the nature of your romantic feelings for your partner can be caused by a flurry of things, like a big change in your own personal life (such as a tragic loss or major career move), a difficult fight, or maybe developing a crush on someone else. In this moment, the circumstantial confusion can sometimes cloud our understanding of how we feel about our partner. "Being able to sort out the ambivalence is at the heart of every relationship," Greer tells mbg. "What is the degree of ambivalence, and can you get back to loving feelings?" That is the big question to ask yourself. Below are some signs that come about when you are falling out of love, according to therapists.

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