Why do emotional affairs hurt?

An emotional affair is the betrayal of trust and disregard for the relationship's boundaries. Moreso, it's about the emotional connection your partner has with someone else. As a result, it's that connection that can cause even more pain than a physical affair.

sexualrelationalcounseling.com - Is An Emotional Affair More Devastating Than A Physical One?

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As you walk into your home, you overhear your spouse sharing some big news with someone on the other end of the call. So, you pause to listen closer and soon realize they're talking about a new promotion. However, before you begin to celebrate, you recognize, the person your partner is talking to is "a friend." However, this friend, who is receiving the news before you, is the same person your spouse has extra meetings with at work. Could this be an emotional affair?

People may dismiss an emotional affair as trivial or an overreaction on your part. However, suppose you're in a relationship and just learned about an emotional affair. In that case, you may be feeling it's quite the opposite. Can an emotional affair lead to betrayal trauma, like physical affairs?

In this article, we'll discuss the truth behind what causes betrayal trauma after an emotional affair. Likewise, we'll discuss why an emotional betrayal may be more traumatic than a physical one.

Setting Boundaries Around An Emotional Affair

There seems to be a variety of ways couples interpret the term affair. For example, society may define it one way, whereas your religion interprets it more precisely. Couples define and set boundaries they expect from one another within the relationship. As a result, this builds trust and emotional safety. Establishing "what is" or "what is not" acceptable is essential for any relationship. For example, you may be okay with your spouse's pornography viewing habits. Likewise, maybe both of you agree to live in an open relationship. On the contrary, you may decide going to lunch with a co-worker is off-limits or choose to share social media accounts.

Most couples agree that once you set boundaries, you expect each other to abide by them. Sounds easy, right? How then can a friendship turn into an emotional affair so quickly? What are signs your partner may be having an emotional affair?

Signs of an Emotional Affair

Going back to the idea that as a couple, you define emotional affair for yourselves. However, here are some indicators your spouse may be having an emotional affair:

quick to share exciting news with someone else before telling you

finding ways to spend more time together (extra meetings at work)

your spouse points out things you do that the other person doesn't do or vice versa

your partner says the other person understands/listens/engages better (easier to talk to)

secrets or lies begin to form around their relationship

you notice more personal phone calls or social media interactions with this one specific person Although you may try and convince yourself it's nothing, your gut is telling you otherwise. If this is happening, now is a good time to talk to your spouse about how you're feeling.

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How do you make a girl feel guilty for dumping you?

Focus on "I" statements to describe the situation. Look at her directly and say things like: "I think you need to know how hurtful it is when you do "X." I feel hurt because "Y," and I'd like you to stop doing it." The situation isn't just about what she has done.

wikihow.com - How to Make a Girl Feel Guilty: 14 Steps (with Pictures) - wikiHow

This article was co-authored by Mary Church, PhD . Dr. Mary Church is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Honolulu, Hawaii. With over a decade of clinical experience, she aims to integrate evolution, genetics, and neuroscience within the practice of psychotherapy. Dr. Church holds a BS in Psychology from Eckerd College and an MS and PhD in Experimental Psychology from The University of Memphis. She completed a Post-Doctorate in Clinical Psychology at The University of Hawaii at Manoa. In addition, Dr. Church is a member of the American Evaluation Association and Hawaii-Pacific Evaluation Association. This article has been viewed 460,346 times.

Article Summary

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To make a girl feel guilty, confront her with how her actions make you feel in a calm way so that your conversation doesn’t escalate into a fight. For example, instead of criticizing her personally, say something like “I think you need to know how hurtful it is when you ignore me.” Make sure your statements relate to concrete examples and avoid generalizations like “You never” or “You always,” which are common mistakes when you’re feeling upset. Open up to her by explaining your hurt feelings in detail so that she can understand your emotions. If she doesn't respond, ask her how she would feel if your roles were reversed. For tips on how to deal with her response and move forward, read on!

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