Why do breakups hurt guys later?

A breakup usually sinks in for a man when they start to regret their mistakes when he misses the intimacy and connection he had, and once he acknowledges that there's no way to get the good times back. Sometimes, it can take a long time for all of this to sink in.

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We’ve all had an ex or a guy friend who seems nonchalant and fine right after a breakup but is a complete mess after a few weeks. We may see men being perfectly okay after a breakup in TV shows and movies, and sometimes in real life as well. But why is that? Why do breakups hit guys later? While the stereotype is that a breakup hits men a lot later, emerging research conducted with 184,000 participants found that men seem to be more affected by the loss of a relationship. If this is the case, then why is there a time discrepancy? In this article, let’s look at some of the reasons why it might take men a lot longer to actually acknowledge the end of a relationship and how they try to get over it.

Why do breakups affect guys later?

There is no clear-cut answer for this. To put it shortly, it depends. It depends on how men deal with breakups and how open they are with the people around them. People often wonder when do breakups hit guys, but you might’ve noticed that men react differently when it comes to different partners. With some partners, it takes a lot longer to sink in, but in other, shorter relationships, they bounce back fast. So it can be hard to estimate what the stages of breakup for guys look like, but it is commonly acknowledged that there is a gender difference in how people act on their feelings.

Do guys feel bad after a breakup?

If he is someone who was invested in the relationship and cared deeply about seeing it through, it’s not surprising that he might be feeling very upset after a breakup. Even though sometimes they might not show it, men do experience negative emotions. This is in line with questioning, “why do breakups hit guys later?” Feeling bad about a breakup or taking a lot of time to process emotions could be a reason why men seem like they don’t feel upset. Below we list more reasons that might be playing a role.

Why do breakups hit guys later? 5 surprising reasons

Taking all the variables and different situations into account, here are five common reasons for how guys feel after they break up with their girlfriend and how this can answer the question, “Do guys take longer to get over a relationship?”

1. Men might suppress their feelings more

From a young age, boys are told not to cry or show any emotions. They grow up learning that to cry is to be weak, and to feel hurt or to express it means they are somehow not “man” enough. Due to this, men tend to suppress their emotions a lot more than women do. You might be wondering whether guys hurt after dumping you. The answer is yes, but they might not show it openly due to the stigma surrounding the expression of pain or sadness. Due to this suppression, men don’t express how they feel about a breakup, but instead, they bottle it up. Studies find that over 30% of men experience depression, but less than 9% actually report it. This means that most men don’t even mention their feelings to other people or get the help they need.

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When people suppress their feelings, they may try to distract themselves or pretend that they’re happy and everything is going absolutely fine, when that’s not the case at all. This is one of the reasons why it might seem like they’re not hurt at all when in fact, they’re just hiding it.

2. Men might imitate toxic male models

A lot of the time, people wonder, “does he feel bad for breaking my heart?” or “why do men act like they don’t care after a breakup?” A reason for these thoughts could be that right after a breakup we might see men drinking out with their friends or acting nonchalant. But in reality, men are simply trying to imitate the toxic male models they see on tv or in movies, where after a breakup men are presented as drinking or partying their problems away. Because people tend to get a lot of their social cues from media, guys may think this is an appropriate response. These toxic ways of coping with a breakup are not sustainable. So hurts more after a breakup? While both men and women hurt equally, women report their feelings more than men, so it may seem like men don’t care even if they do.

3. Men might try to deal with breakups independently

You may often notice that some men are very hesitant about asking for help. Whether it’s asking a store clerk about where the shampoo bottles are or asking for help to deal with something personal. Breakups are the same way; men may hesitate to communicate and ask for help. Often men are so adamant about not getting help or sympathy that they take longer to get over a relationship. Women may talk to their friends and family, cry over it, and ask for help way more than guys do, which is a very healthy way to cope with depression or anxiety over a breakup.

4. Men might expect their ex to change their mind

If you’re wondering, “do guys hurt after a breakup?” The answer is yes. But if you’re waiting for him to approach you about it to talk, you’re waiting on a lost cause. Often men don’t even let it sink in that a relationship is over; they keep waiting for the girl to come back. This can be the case when they dump a girl instead of the other way round. Sometimes they think that because of this, they have the upper hand and are overconfident about their role in the relationship. Over-confidence might make some men remain in denial and refuse to accept that their ex is not coming back. This living in denial significantly affects their ability to move on from the relationship. So when does a breakup hit a guy? Usually, a man realizes that it’s over for real once their ex has moved on. After this, heartbreak for a man feels unbearable, and he tries to cope with it in unhealthy ways.

5. Men might deny first and reflect later

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Men may sometimes blame others more and not fully accept their own shortcomings. Studies have found that men tend to deny their mistakes, minimize their faults, and blame their partners for the breakups. This leads to them spending the first few weeks of a breakup angry at their partner. What does heartbreak feel like for a man? Pretty much similar to what a woman feels. But does he take responsibility for the end of a relationship and causing that heartbreak? Not really. Some people might waste their precious mental energy on blaming their ex when focusing on their own feelings would be more productive. After a while, they might start reflecting on their behavior, which is why they can act like they don’t care after a breakup in the beginning and then start to feel remorse.

Do guys move on faster after a breakup?

Not necessarily. Ultimately, it does depend a lot on the person and their relationship. If the guy is more open about their feelings, they tend to move on at a healthy pace. If the relationship was a short-term, casual one, they also tend to move on faster than if it was a long-term relationship. You might think if they move on fast, then what does heartbreak feel like for a man. It feels the same way as it does for a woman. Unfortunately, they’re bad at expressing it, which is why it might seem like guys don’t hurt more after a breakup.

How long does it take for a breakup to sink in for a guy?

If the man deals with relationships and his own feelings in a healthy way, it should sink in almost immediately. Unfortunately, the social norms about gender roles are so ingrained in people that men act like they don’t care after a breakup, and this denial can stop the reality from sinking in. A breakup usually sinks in for a man when they start to regret their mistakes when he misses the intimacy and connection he had, and once he acknowledges that there’s no way to get the good times back. Sometimes, it can take a long time for all of this to sink in.

Takeaway

Dealing with breakups can be difficult. No wonder women can feel confused and ask themselves why do breakups hit guys later. But there is no one answer. If men develop healthier ways to express their emotions, then it can bring about a huge change in the way they deal with breakups. Therapy or even just talking about a relationship or breakup with friends and family is a great way to deal with emotions. It can be difficult to be vulnerable in the beginning, but in the long run, it can be very healthy.

marriage.com - Why Do Breakups Hit Guys Later? 5 Surprising Reasons - Marriage.com

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