Why am I not good enough for my partner?

Low self-esteem is generally the root of the problem. Often the root of “why am I not good enough for him” is a lack of confidence and insecurity related to numerous issues, including mental unwellness.

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No one person can make you feel a certain way. You have to allow those emotions. If you’re questioning why am I not good enough for him, you’re planting that seed in your subconscious. That mindset needs to transform into “I am good enough” with subsequent reasons why you are. If you have self-doubt or insecurities, an appropriate question is why you feel these emotions, what’s the root, and where the fear is. Once you decipher the meaning behind your lack of self-worth, you can work on resolving those issues to get back on that healthy journey towards feeling good enough again. Check out the audiobook “You Are Enough” to help you learn why you are.

15 reasons why I am not good enough for him

If you’re feeling not good enough for him, the inadequacy stems from your fears. While toxic partnerships exist and abuses happen, self-esteem issues are typically based on individuals placing their value on exterior influences instead of building healthy self-worth. That’s not pointing fingers or blaming people for their issues. Society plays a significant part, social media especially. Many influences dictate an inflated reality that an actual human cannot attain, making most people feel less than. Let’s check over some of the reasons people declare “I’m not good enough” for them.

1. You will compare yourself against others

When in a partnership where you question why am I not good enough for him, the constant comparisons against other individuals, whether exes or close friends, can be draining on a mate. Whether you find yourself less capable intelligently regarding a career or in general or where physical attributes are concerned, a partner can start to doubt their judgment over time.

2. A mate compares you to exes

When a mate compares you to their exes, that’s a definitive reason for your question, “why do I feel like I’m not enough.” No partner should be comparing a wholly different and unique partner to others. You have specific talents, skills, and traits that make you stand out as an individual. That means you need to be accepted and respected for your person. Plus, you need to be found to be “enough,” or that mate needs to move on to someone they believe is good enough.

3. Complaining doesn’t bring changes

While you continually complain to a partner about the areas they lack, there is never an effort to improve. Their unwillingness to change or do things that make you happy can make you feel inadequate.

4. You strive to be a perfectionist

Your goal is to perform at the top of your game in everything you do, plus overfill your schedule to a virtually impossible capacity to fulfill. It sets you up for failure, leaving you feeling that you are disappointing your partner and everyone else around you. If you had kept the tasks to a manageable level, that wouldn’t have been the case.

Now, you’re left with the feeling of not being good enough.

5. Rejection from a past trauma rears its head

A mate chooses to spend some time watching the game on TV or opts to work on his car instead of spending his off time with you. While it’s important to have individual time and space, you can’t help but sense a pang of rejection and not feeling like you’re good enough for quality time.

6. There is a feeling of distance in the partnership

In a strong, thriving partnership, mates have a deep connection. When there are challenges in establishing healthy communication and developing a bond secured with trust and intimacy, often it’s due to feeling inadequate. This creates distance between partners, making a mate begin to question whether you’re the right person for them and confirms for you that you are, in fact, not good enough.

7. You are playing second fiddle now, and it brings low self-worth

Your mate has developed new acquaintances and works with a few new colleagues. The individual needs to spend more time away from home. You feel the need to reach out to check on what’s happening more often. If a phone call or text message is not immediately responded to, there has to be a decision being made at this very moment to break up. The mate constantly has to prove their feelings and emotions to answer for you, “am I good enough for him,” or is he out with other people for the wrong reasons.

8. Left behind in most situations

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Suddenly when you’re out, your mate begins to walk either behind or in front of you, seldom walking with you or standing beside you. Instead of sitting beside you in a restaurant, they choose a chair across the table. It might just be you feeling not good enough for him to be close, or there needs to be a conversation between you to figure out why they become opposed to being near you.

9. Your partner does not compliment you

If you were used to a partner who showered you with compliments at the start of the partnership, but things have started to fade drastically, that could be because you might not be enough anymore. When your best is not good enough, it could be that comfortability and familiarity have set in, causing your partner to recognize that the pairing is no longer sufficient for them.

10. Criticisms are becoming recurrent

Over time you start to notice that it feels like your mate is becoming critical of personality traits or little flaws and quirks that have always been endearing to them. It might be something you’re just overly sensitive about, or perhaps your partner is beginning to find you less than appealing.

11. You’re enduring a hit to self-esteem in life circumstances

The problem might not be an issue with your mate. Perhaps there are life circumstances creating self-esteem issues like a problem on the work front, maybe issues with close friends or family members causing a sense of inadequacy. You can also feel mismatched if you have a type-A, high-performing partner where you’re more the average human creating the “I’m not good enough for him” vibe.

12. Evolving physically

When asking why am I not good enough for him, you might have a lowered self-esteem based on physical changes that can occur due to life circumstances like a bout with an ailment or maybe stress caused physical changes that you believe make you unappealing. You start to wonder how to be enough for someone, but often mates are happy with who you are as a person and not how you grow and change physically.

13. Rejection is a fear

If you’ve experienced rejection from a previous relationship or a traumatic experience as a child, you could be projecting that onto a current partner. When your partner makes you feel not good enough in other partnerships, it is warranted to withdraw from that person. But in the current partnership, you shouldn’t project what happened previously onto the new mate instantly feeling they believe you’re not good enough. First, you must think you are in order for them to, and then accept that they do.

14. “What-if” is the mindset you consider instead of “what-is”

You’re not accepting of who you are; instead, continually looking at the “what-if” you did this or perhaps were able to do more for your mate to appreciate and respect your efforts since you question “why am I not good enough. What you’re not anticipating is perhaps your mate believes that you are sufficient and is actually quite happy and accepting of the person they’re involved with; you’re the one unsatisfied.

15. Low self-esteem is generally the root of the problem

Often the root of “why am I not good enough for him” is a lack of confidence and insecurity related to numerous issues, including mental unwellness. When you’re suffering with personal concerns of low self-esteem and lack of self-worth, it takes professional counseling to work through the root of these problems to get a healthy mindset. Check out this video for guidance on insecurities, “What Makes or Breaks Us,” with Caleb Lareau.

How do I accept not being good enough?

That’s the wrong mindset. It needs to switch to how I can face the cause of my fears and correct them to live confidently, securely, and optimistically. It’s vital to have a good sense of self-worth. No one on the outside can validate you or make you feel valued. That needs to come from within. If you’re asking yourself, “why am I not good enough for him,” switch it to “why am I not good enough for me.” When you have self-love and self-worth, you can be more healthfully available to a mate.

What to do when you think you’re not good enough?

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The first step in feeling good enough and finding your value is determining what’s causing your fear and insecurity or perhaps anxiousness. Much of that has to do with setting and achieving goals. In society today, many people look at outside influences to measure what their personal goals should look like. Unfortunately, these examples like social sites and celebrities plus the modeling industry don’t portray reality. The automatic mindset is that these goals are unachievable because “I’m not good enough,” not because these are unrealistic. People need to set authentic expectations and celebrate genuine achievements. In this way, more people will see that they are indeed good enough.

5 ways to cope with not feeling good enough for him

Coping with feelings of inadequacy can take time and patience. What works for one person might not take for someone else. It’s vital to put in consistent time and not eschew ideas. Instead, try different techniques until you find the proper method that suits your specific needs and circumstances. Look at these different coping mechanisms to see which might benefit you.

1. Make an assessment of you

Take the opportunity to assess who you are as a person, including your accomplishments, talents, skills, achievements, and anything that makes you who you are. These are personal as in you’re passionate about gardening, or you walk great distances, maybe you create an incredible grilled cheese, strong traits. You must be objective with no emotion directing your answers and then come back across the topic to see why you’re asking yourself, “why am I not good enough for him.”

The critical component is to evaluate what caused you to diminish your self-worth and the good qualities you have. Where do you need to improve; where was there a loss or a lack?

2. Make the changes

A person with lost value is exhausting as a partner. Instead of continually complaining that you don’t feel valued as a mate, you need to make the changes. A significant other cannot fulfill for you what you’re lacking, nor can they continue to reassure or validate. Whatever needs “tweaked” in your life, whether a close friendship has faded, but you hope to reestablish it, or your work performance is slacking, you need to pick up the pace. Take care of business in any area you feel is short-changed, so there’s no longer a question about whether you’re good enough.

3. Take steps toward optimism and positivity

Ideally, it would help if you attempted to maintain a positive attitude when looking at the partnership. Instead of questioning whether you’re good enough, look at the good elements you bring to your partner and the relationship. Focus on being optimistic as much as possible, including with yourself. When you feel yourself starting to navigate back into feelings of inadequacy, replace these thoughts with those good qualities you have, the things you do well.

4. Try leaning on a familiar support system

If you’re feeling particularly vulnerable, reach out to close friends and family. These people will always make you feel good enough. They comprise a support system meant to be comforting and familiar.

5. Then look to a third-party support

In that same vein, it can be beneficial to reach out to third-party counseling for more impartial guidance when suffering from low self-esteem or lacking confidence. Often friends and family will offer judgment and opinions that can sometimes make things a bit more challenging. A professional will offer tools to help you cope in a much more productive and healthy capacity.

Final Thoughts

When someone believes they’re not good enough or allows outside influences to “make” them feel they’re less than, it’s time to evaluate the fear and insecurity that’s genuinely affecting their life. When it has been adequately “diagnosed,” the root cause can be worked through to reestablish feelings of self-worth and confidence. When you carry a sense of security and esteem within yourself, it’s easy for a partner to love and value you.

marriage.com - 15 Reasons Why I Am Not Good Enough for Him - Marriage.com

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