Which parent is more nurturing?

Parental Warmth Compared to authoritarian parents, authoritative parents are likely to be warm, nurturing, and responsive. According to Attachment Theory, developed by psychologist Mary Ainsworth in the 1970s, responsive parenting creates secure attachment in the child.

parentingforbrain.com - Authoritative vs Authoritarian Parenting Styles [Infographic]

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By: Pamela Li is a bestselling author. She is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Parenting For Brain. Her educational background is in Electrical Engineering (MS, Stanford University) and Business Management (MBA, Harvard University). Learn more Authoritative parenting and authoritarian parenting are the two most common parenting styles. Let’s compare these two parenting styles’ characteristics and effects on children.

Authoritative vs Authoritarian Parenting

Authoritative and authoritarian sound pretty similar. These two Baumrind’s parenting styles in psychology both imply authority. However, although their names are similar, they have completely different principles and effects on children.

Here is the difference between authoritative and authoritarian parenting in characteristics.

Parental Warmth

Compared to authoritarian parents, authoritative parents are likely to be warm, nurturing, and responsive. According to Attachment Theory, developed by psychologist Mary Ainsworth in the 1970s, responsive parenting creates secure attachment in the child. Children with secure attachments are happier and healthier. Many studies confirm that compared with the children of authoritarian parents, the children of authoritative parents are indeed more content1. Because authoritative parents are responsive to their children’s emotional needs, kids from authoritative families have good emotional control. They develop resilience and can recuperate quickly from setbacks. Compared to authoritative parents, authoritarian parents are the exact opposite in terms of warmth and responsiveness. Authoritarian parents are cold and non-responsive. They view children’s sensitive emotions as a weakness and suppress them.

Have trouble motivating your child? Check out: How To Motivate Kids

Freedom

Authoritative parents allow their kids to seek autonomy and independence. Instead of tight control, they closely monitor their children’s behavior and correct them as needed. Studies show that parental monitoring substantially reduces a child’s risk of antisocial behavior, delinquency, and drug abuse2. Parental monitoring is most likely to be effective and healthy when it is in a warm and supportive relationship. Authoritative parents also involve their children in making decisions for the family. Bidirectional communication is encouraged. On the other hand, authoritarian parents discourage independence-seeking. They do not involve children in decision-making. Kids are given orders instead of requests from their parents.

Rules

Both authoritative and authoritarian parents are strict and have high expectations of their kids. Authoritative parents are strict and warm, while authoritarian parents are strict and cold. Authoritative parents discuss and explain rules to their children. They are open to give-and-take discussions and will modify rules if appropriate. Children are taught to think critically about the reasons behind each rule. Because kids with authoritative parents can speak their minds and participate in decision-making, they are more assertive and have higher self-esteem. Authoritarian parents only allow one-way communication. They use “because I said so” as the reason for the rules.

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Children are expected to blindly obey without questions. They are not allowed to have or voice their opinions. Kids are often “seen but not heard”. Children whose parents have an authoritarian parenting style can be insecure and apprehensive.

Control

Both authoritative and authoritarian parents hold very high standards and control over the kids’ behavior. However, authoritarian parents also impose tight psychological control over their kids. They believe that they are the authorities who are always right. Their kids need to accept their judgment and values at all times. Authoritarian parents seem to worry about under-controlling their children. Therefore, they want to do the opposite but use the other extreme, i.e. become controlling parents to over-control their children. Authoritarian parents rely on a child’s sense of fear toward the parents to exert psychological control. Children whose parents use psychological control as a means of discipline are more likely to be submissive, apprehensive, and dependent. Some children fight to be free from such control resulting in externalizing behavior problems3.

Discipline

Authoritative parents tend to use non-punitive measures such as time-in and natural consequence to discipline.

Authoritarian parents favor punitive punishment.

Interestingly enough, although authoritative parents allow children to have more freedom and autonomy, their standards are usually higher than the authoritarian parents’. They also follow through on the consequence more consistently. Similar Characteristics Authoritative Authoritarian Standards Set high standards. Expect kids to follow rules Set high standards. Expect kids to follow rules Different Characteristics Authoritative Authoritarian Parental Warmth Warm, nurturing, and involved in the child’s schooling and life Cold, non-nurturing, and less involved in the child’s schooling and life Freedom Autonomy and independence are allowed. Bidirectional communication is encouraged Do not allow independence. One-way communication. Children’s opinions are not heard or allowed Rules Use reasoning to explain limits. Have give-and-take discussions Use “Because I said so” to explain limits Discipline Very consistent in disciplining using non-punitive measures such as inductive discipline, time-in, or natural consequence. Focus on teaching correct behavior Punitive. Focus on punishing wrong behavior to deter future occurrences. Control Allow freedom within reasonable limits. Encourage autonomy and independence. Believe in total control over kids, behaviorally and psychologically. Kids are expected to obey their parents without question.

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Effects On Kids

Authoritative parenting results in better outcomes in children overall. The only exception is that some inconsistencies in school performance are found in other ethnic groups, such as African Americans and Asian Americans. Having high standards and enforcing limits consistently may be the reasons why kids with authoritative parents achieve higher academic results4.

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Another factor for high academic performance is high parental involvement in authoritative parenting. Authoritative parents tend to monitor children’s homework and volunteer in their schools. Research has found that involvement by parents is directly linked to better school performance5. But authoritarian parents also have high standards and enforce limits. Some are also very involved in the child’s schooling (e.g. Tiger mom parenting). This could potentially explain why in some cultures, such as the Chinese, authoritarian parenting is associated with better grades. However, authoritarian parents hold tight psychological control and favor punitive punishment for discipline. Despite the academic success, kids with authoritarian parents are more depressed and have more mental issues1. Also See: What To Do When Parents Can’t Agree on Parenting and Good Parenting Kids’ Outcome Authoritative Authoritarian Mood Tend to be happy and content Tend to have unhappy dispositions Self-esteem Have high self-esteem. Are more assertive and self-reliant. Are insecure and apprehensive. Some are also submissive and dependent. Self-Regulation Good emotional control and resilience. Recover from setbacks quickly. More likely to become hostile and regressive under pressure Relationships Affiliative. Well-liked by peers. Non-affiliative. Tend not to get along with peers. Mental Well-being Good mental health More mental issues such as depression, anxiety, and drug use Academic Performance High academic achievements. More active in school activities. Generally lower academic performance, but inconsistent results are found in some sub-population

Also see: How to recover from authoritarian parenting

References

1. Psychological Bulletin. 1993:487-496. doi: Darling N, Steinberg L. Parenting style as context: An integrative model.. 1993:487-496. doi: 10.1037/0033-2909.113.3.487 2. Dishion TJ, McMahon RJ. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review. 1998:61-75. doi:10.1023/a:1021800432380 3. Child Development. October 1991:1049. doi: Lamborn SD, Mounts NS, Steinberg L, Dornbusch SM. Patterns of Competence and Adjustment among Adolescents from Authoritative, Authoritarian, Indulgent, and Neglectful Families.. October 1991:1049. doi: 10.2307/1131151 4. Steinberg L, Lamborn S, Dornbusch S, Darling N. Impact of parenting practices on adolescent achievement: authoritative parenting, school involvement, and encouragement to succeed. Child Dev. 1992;63(5):1266-1281. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1446552. 5. American Journal of Community Psychology. December 1999:817-839. doi: Izzo CV, Weissberg RP, Kasprow WJ, Fendrich M. A Longitudinal Assessment of Teacher Perceptions of Parent Involvement in Children’s Education and School Performance.. December 1999:817-839. doi: 10.1023/a:1022262625984

parentingforbrain.com - Authoritative vs Authoritarian Parenting Styles [Infographic]

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