Infatuation Rules
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Which gender falls in love first?

Contrary to popular belief, women don't fall in love quickly. Actually, science said in relationships between cisgender men and women, men are more likely to declare love at first sight. A new study found men actually fall in love quicker than women, and the reason could be biological.

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Why do men fall in love so fast?
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Society has a lot of old and outdated ideas about gender, and most of them are just flat out wrong. Instead of holding on to incorrect assumptions about gender (that, for what it's worth, can be harmful), we should forget about them completely. In that spirit, we have one more incorrect gender assumption you can throw out. Contrary to popular belief, women don't fall in love quickly. Actually, science said in relationships between cisgender men and women, men are more likely to declare love at first sight. A new study found men actually fall in love quicker than women, and the reason could be biological. A study of 172 college students found men reported falling in love earlier than women and expressing that sentiment first. According to Broadly, the reason men are quicker to say 'I love you' may be because women are biologically predisposed to be pickier when selecting a partner. Because being pregnant is a huge commitment, psychologist Marissa Harrison, who co-authored the study, told Broadly she thinks women my subconsciously postpone love to ensure their partner is suitable to have children with. Of course, not all women want children, and not all relationship lead to them. Another psychologist posited that the reason men fall in love faster than women could actually be gender roles at work, with men attempting to fulfill the expectation that they take a leadership role in a relationship. But it actually doesn't matter who falls in love fastest. This study does something much more important than tell us who's more likely to use the L-word first. The study actually debunks a long-held societal myth that's often used to discredit and disregard women. It shows that women are not the emotionally frivolous beings laser-focused on love and marriage that they're often made out to be. "Women are assumed to be emotional; sometimes overly so, or rash," psychologist Marissa Harrison, who co-authored the study, told Broadly. "Both men and women in our study presumed that women would fall in love and say 'I love you' faster than men."

We see this idea that women are overly-emotional all the time and it's used to undermine women's credibility. In daily life, this happens on the regular in dating situations, when women are laughed at as "crazy" or shamed for wanting commitment. At it's highest level, we saw this stereotype at play during Hillary Clinton's Presidential campaign, when people said women are too emotionally unstable to lead the country. Hindsight is 20/20, right?

So next time someone has a cheap laugh at the expense of women because their supposedly "emotional," let them know that science isn't on their side.

Related: Sexism in Politics: 10 Women Share Their Stories

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How do you test a guy if he's a player?

He's a player if he texts you at the last minute, controls when he sees you, and vanishes for long periods of time. A genuine guy will give you more freedom. He's not a player if he asks you on actual dates and wants you to meet his friends and family. A player will be mysterious and hide aspects of his personal life.

This article was co-authored by Maya Diamond, MA . Maya Diamond is a Dating and Relationship Coach in Berkeley, CA. She has 13 years of experience helping singles stuck in frustrating dating patterns find internal security, heal their past, and create healthy, loving, and lasting partnerships. She received her Master's in Somatic Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies in 2009. This article has been viewed 232,642 times.

Article Summary

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If the boy you love is a player, there should be red flags to watch out for, like moving fast and flirting with other girls. It’s great for a boy to compliment you, but if he’s always flattering you and telling you how perfect you are, be careful. Players will try to make you feel really special without taking the time to get to know you. If he wants to get physical with you right away, he’s probably a player. If a boy really likes you, he’ll wait until you’re comfortable. A player will also be flirty with lots of other girls to keep his options open. If he avoids you around other people or tries to keep your relationship a secret, it might be because he’s trying to play the field. For more tips from our Relationship co-author, including how to tell if a boy is a player by his social media accounts, read on!

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