Infatuation Rules
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Which child do parents prefer?

“Parents tend to favour a child that is most like them, reminds them of themselves, or represents what they view as a success of parenting,” she says. “Younger children are most likely to have been raised by a parent who, over time and experience, is more confident and skilled in their child-raising.”

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Joanna knew she had a favourite child from the moment her second son was born. The Kent, UK-based mum says she loves both of her children, but her youngest child just “gets” her in a way that her first-born doesn’t. When Joanna’s first baby was delivered, he was rushed away from her due to a health concern, and she couldn’t see him for 24 hours. Missing this valuable bonding period was, she believes, the start of a long-lasting preference for her second son, whom she was able to spend time with immediately after he was born. “To sum our relationships up: I have to make an appointment to speak to my eldest,” says Joanna, whose full name is being withheld to protect her children. “With my youngest, I could call him at 0230 and he’d drive miles to meet me. My youngest is the nicest guy on the planet. He’s caring, generous, courteous and friendly. He’s the kind of person who would help anyone out.” Though she battled her feelings for years, Joanna says now she’s in a place of acceptance. “I could write a book on why I love one more than the other,” she says. “It’s been hard, but I haven’t got any guilt.” Unlike Joanna, most parents’ favouritism is subtle and goes undiscussed. Having a favourite child might be the greatest taboo of parenthood, yet research shows that the majority of parents do indeed have a favourite. With plenty of evidence to suggest that being the least-favoured child can fundamentally shape the personality and lead to intense sibling rivalries, it’s no wonder that parents might worry about letting their preferences slip. Yet research also shows that most kids can’t tell who their parents’ favourite child really is. The real issue, then, is how parents manage their children’s perception of favouritism.

Playing favourites

“Not every parent has a favourite child, but many do,” says Jessica Griffin, an associate professor of psychiatry and paediatrics at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, US. “Data suggests that mothers, in particular, show favouritism to children who have similar values to them and that engage more with family, over qualities such as being highly ambitious or career driven.”

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Which child is usually favorite?

The survey concluded that parents tend to favour their youngest child over the elder. More than half of the parents quizzed said they preferred their youngest child, while only 26 per cent said that their favourite child was their eldest.

Most parents would claim that they do not have a favourite child, but a new study – conducted by more than 1,000 parents across websites Mumsnet and Gransnet– begs to differ. The survey concluded that parents tend to favour their youngest child over the elder. More than half of the parents quizzed said they preferred their youngest child, while only 26 per cent said that their favourite child was their eldest. 61 per cent of those who favoured the youngest said it was because the elder children are “tricky or demanding”. However, this survey does not coincide with another from the University of California in 2016, which stated that most parents favour their first born. These results came from analysing how the parents treated the two siblings differently, rather than from asking them who was their favourite. “Favouritism is one of the last taboos and can provoke a lot of guilt, so it’s important to say that feeling a great affinity for a particularly child – often, whichever one is willing to put their shoes on – is fairly common, and doesn’t have to be disastrous,” Justine Roberts, founder of Gransnet (Mumsnet’s sister site) said. “The distilled Mumsnet wisdown on this issue is that lots of parents like their children differently: the crucial thing is to love them all wholly.”

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