Which are the three legs of trust?

The three essential and complimentary legs of the stool of trust are: integrity, respect, and gratitude.

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How can we trust our management to do what they say?

How can I trust my employees to do what they are supposed to do for this organization?

How can I trust my partner to be faithful to me?

How can I trust my friend to support me through thick and thin?

How can I trust my child not to steal?

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How can we trust other countries not to invade us?

These are some of the chronic predicaments of humanity spanning countries, cultures, generations, genders, and status, resulting in dysfunctional relationships and suboptimal accomplishments. In my long professional career turning around organizations in many countries around the globe, the universal lament about mistrust was the key reason for struggling individuals and sub performing organizations. Are we humans born to mistrust? Are we hardwired not to trust others for our own survival and happiness? The answer to this question is that it is not our innate nature to mistrust, but, our culpability of not understanding the vitality and the anatomy of trust. Vitality of Trust: Mutual trust is essential for meaningful human existence. Sure, we can sit alone mistrusting everybody else and will still survive? But, that choice defies the very purpose of being a human being! The real purpose of human existence is to accomplish something worthwhile, grow, and contribute. Meaningful achievements for our growth and contributions are always collaborative endeavors, and by not trusting others, we undermine our ability greatly to accomplish something worthwhile. Unfortunately, this choice for mistrust by many of us has played havoc on our progress and our true happiness. A worldwide study by Gallup in 142 countries in 2011-2012, has concluded that only 13% of employees in the world are actively engaged in their jobs. This shocking statistics highlights that close to 87% of world’s working people are not actively engaged or are completely disengaged. Lack of mutual trust is cited as one of the key factors for this pathetic state of our civilization. Countless other studies, in diverse fields of human functioning echo the same sentiment. No wonder, we have a very high majority of mistrusting individuals and organization who are living their mediocre lives by utilizing only a small fraction of their God given potential. In the presence of this rampart mistrust, any hope of happiness through human relationships is nothing more than a wishful thinking. This fact is brilliantly echoed by Judith M. Bardwick (a national best- selling author) in her manifesto “The power of trust and mistrust” as follows: “Trust may be the single most important condition underlying every kind of relationship and behind every achievement. Without mutual long-term trust, no great enterprise is possible—in business, in government or in human relationships”.

Judith M. Bardwick

Anatomy of Trust: The reason why individuals and organizations remain chronic victims of mistrust is their ignorance about the true anatomy of trust. Trust is a three legged balanced stool sitting on which we can see the true reality around us. More balanced and sturdier this stool, clearer and authentic will be our view of our environments and the people around us. In contrast, more unbalanced, weaker, and broken this stool, distorted, speculative, and pretentious will be our view of our environments and all the people around us.

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The three essential and complimentary legs of the stool of trust are: integrity, respect, and gratitude. Integrity: Integrity encompasses Truth and Transparency and is the soul of trust. Truthfully saying what we really mean and know, and transparently doing exactly what we say is the practical face of integrity. Insincere and self-centered promises made just to save the day or making someone happy for the moment reflect a severe lack of integrity. With integrity, everything is possible, and without integrity, everything is a mirage. This point is well brought home by Warren Buffet when he said: “Somebody once said that in looking for people to hire, you look for three qualities: integrity, intelligence, and energy. And if you don’t have the first, the other two will kill you.” ― Warren Buffett Respect: True respect is esteeming the capability and worthiness of everyone. Every human being (irrespective of their status, gender, and origin) has unique talent(s) and each one is competent to contribute in their own unique way, and every individual (without exception) is worthy of happiness. Esteeming competence and worthiness of everyone at all the times and in all situations is an authentic reflection of true respect and is the needed catalyst to foster mutual respect. Below is a true depiction of what true respect is all about: Gratitude: It is the expression of appreciation for the good acts of others, and appreciation for the environments in which such good acts take place. To feel and express gratitude is an investment that pays off exponentially in developing and retaining trust. As compiled by Darcy Jacobsen (reported in Globoforce), study after study has proved that feeling and expressing gratitude results in increased physical and emotional well-being, enhanced empathy for others, and faster collective achievements. A paper published in 2009 in Clinical Psychology claims that people who express gratitude are more extroverted, more agreeable, more open, and more conscientious. These are the nutrients for mutual trust. Another study at Kent State University has validated similar conclusions. STEVE TOEPFER- the author of that Kent State study has eloquently summed up the superb power and need of gratitude as follows: “We are all walking around with an amazing resource: gratitude, It helps us express and enjoy, appreciate, be thankful and satisfied with a little effort. We all have it, and we need to use it to improve our quality of life.”

STEVE TOEPFER

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These three legs of the trust stool (integrity, respect, gratitude) are indispensable as well as complimentary. They are Indispensable in the sense that we need all three of them for the trust stool to be stable and sturdier. Any single one of them is not a substitute of the other(s). Demonstrating respect and expressing gratitude without authentic integrity will look deceptive, commanding respect without integrity and gratitude is impossible, and in the absence of gratitude, integrity and respect will fade away quickly. They are Complimentary in the sense that each one of them makes the other two stronger. Increased Integrity promotes higher respect and makes gratitude expression more spontaneous. Displaying genuine respect makes us more acceptable and credible thus raising our integrity and inciting our gratitude. Expressing gratitude generates more humility which is catalytic for both integrity and showing/receiving respect. In conclusion, if we are serious about building/repairing trust in ourselves, in other human beings, and in human entities (organizations), we should stop lamenting about mistrust and scapegoating others, and start building a balanced and sturdier stool of trust so that we can sit on that stool confidently and have a real (not distorted) view of our environments and all the people in it. That authentic view will weaken our natural biases for others and for the environment in which we function. The essential steps for that are: . Accept the vital need of mutual trust for making our human existence worthwhile. . Grasp the true anatomy of the trust stool and its three indispensable and complimentary legs (integrity, respect, and gratitude), and start embedding them in your own mind as well as in the policies/procedures of your organization. . Start building and reinforcing your trust stool by constantly and genuinely displaying and propagating integrity (truth and transparency), respect (esteeming competence and worthiness of everyone) and gratitude (appreciating good acts of others). These baby steps will not transform you and your world overnight, but will inspire you to do your part in fostering trust in self and others, and you will be on a path of becoming a true leader. After all: what is leadership all about? It is a human ability to inspire self and others to look beyond limitations. Constantly and genuinely practicing these three steps will weaken yours as well as other’s biases and trust will start sprouting gradually. Good Luck! Your broken trust stool is anxiously waiting for you to rebuild and reinforce it with the three authentic legs of integrity, respect, and gratitude, so that you can confidently sit on that and see the true reality around you.

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