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Confidence is something that many men grapple with internally, but it’s also something that shows in your actions and in your words. In this guide, we’ll discuss why confident men don’t do certain things, and what they do instead.

What Makes for a Confident Man?

Unfortunately, confidence is a topic of discussion that’s often taboo, because men are raised to be “confident” as part of their masculinity–and if they lack confidence, they’re seen as somehow being less of a man. That’s exactly the reason a lot of men feel they constantly have to put on a show to appear confident; society demands it. You probably know someone who always talks big and puts on a show, but as the old saying goes, “actions speak louder than words.” Men who lack confidence are often insecure, and they simply need constant approval from the people around them to give them a sense of self-worth. Deep down, though, real confidence comes from the understanding that you have intrinsic value, and that you don’t need others to prove to you that you’re worthy. With that said, here’s our list of 16 things that confident men never do; by staying away from these things, you’ll appear (and eventually become) more confident.

1. (Confident Men Never) Wear large, flashy brands and logos

Big names and logos rarely signify an elevated level of taste or style, but instead belie the status you want to display with them. Basically, all wearing a large logo says is that you can spend a lot of money on something, and that you believe that you should have a higher status in society. Most brands utilize designer labels or big logos to signify their wealth and success. Sometimes, even worse, people will wear them just to make others jealous. Think about it this way: big brands and logos are something typically associated with expensive brands, and you won’t often see a polo shirt that says “Aldi” or “Walmart” in big letters.

Avoid wearing flashy suits

2. Dress inappropriately for the occasion

A confident man isn’t afraid to wear what he wants when he wants to wear it. At the same time, it’s all about the right time and place; sometimes (at a funeral or wedding, for example), your own interests and your own taste in clothing has to take a backseat, because other people are more important than you in that particular situation. By being hopelessly underdressed, or wearing something like a pink suit, you take away from the gathering’s purpose and draw attention to yourself. At a wedding, it’s all about the bride and groom, or at a funeral, it’s about the deceased and their family. Even outside of special events, confident men will rarely wear loud pink or neon yellow suits–permitting exceptions like the Dandies of Brazzaville, who have an entire subculture of wearing colorful suits.

The Rolex Daytona paired with a suit

3. Do things purely because it makes them look successful

Buying an expensive car or a luxury watch that you can’t really afford will probably make you initially look successful but down the line, people will always catch up on it. Also, these kinds of investments can backfire, because people never like to be deceived. For example, if you wear a Rolex Daytona that costs tens of thousands of dollars, but you drive a 20-year old car, people will eventually realize that something is odd. A $1,500/mo car payment may really backfire hard if you can’t afford it anymore. In other words, don’t live outside of your means just to create a (false) impression–which brings us to our next point…

4. Fear Being Unfairly Judged

A confident man is, overall, happy with the way he is. This doesn’t mean that he can’t improve and get better, but he’s not insecure about it and is not ashamed of himself. Confident men typically don’t avoid certain things just because they’re afraid of being judged. I recently saw a profile of a tailor in England who wears nothing but Regency clothes. That means he wears knee breeches, cravats, and top hats 24/7. Now, this is the ultimate form of confidence. He wears something because he truly loves it, and he disregards other people’s opinion or judgments about him. Sven Raphael Schneider wears a dinner jacket with black silk socks by Fort Belvedere and opera pumps As another example, I love suits and a generally more formal wardrobe, so I wear it even if other people don’t. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable, because I know I like that style, and it’s who I am. For me, it’s not about making others look better or worse, it’s just about how I enjoy dressing. At the same time, when it’s really hot outside, and I bring my daughter to daycare, I may just wear a pair of shorts, a polo shirt, and boat shoes. While most people would think of that being rather casual for my style, I have no problems with that–even though a viewer may catch me in the street–because I am comfortable, I know it’s the right thing for me to wear in that situation, and I’m fine with that, no matter what other people may think of me.

5. Constantly come up with excuses

Basically, when you make an excuse, you push the blame for your actions to someone or something else. Under the right circumstances, this can be warranted; let’s say you’re waiting at a red light and someone rear-ends your car, there’s really nothing you could have done. At the same time, if something becomes a pattern, but “nothing is ever your fault,” that should give you a pause. When I see this in people it’s a red flag, because this means they’re not self aware and they’re always trying to blame others for their shortcomings. Other people will notice it, too, and they will actually respect you less for it. A confident person realizes that as human beings, we’re prone to failure and we all make mistakes. However, rather than blaming others, they just own their mistakes, learn from them, and move on with life.

Sven Raphael Schneider with an array of Fort Belvedere products

6. Wait for permission to act

For example, when I realized that I had to be an entrepreneur and the opportunity presented itself, I took it even though it was risky at the time and I wasn’t sure that it would lead somewhere. I didn’t wait for someone to tell me that I’m great at it or that I should try it because deep down, I was confident enough to know that I could probably make it work. So if you know what you want, don’t just wait for other people’s permission to do something, simply act on it. It’s okay to be vulnerable or to seek help from others if you realize there’s a certain area that is not your strong suit. Being confident also means that you’re self-aware, you understand where you rock it and where you suck it. So while a confident man would have no problems admitting his shortcomings and seeking out help from professionals, the insecure man, on the other hand, would rather pretend that he knows it all even though he doesn’t. Sometimes, you also have people in your life that are very close and important to you and in those situations, you have to work with them as a team. For example, when I realized that the Gentleman’s Gazette could be a full-time thing for me, I didn’t just barge ahead and went for it but I also talked to my wife and discussed it because we’ve shared financials in a shared life and if I just make a decision for myself without considering her at all, it shows a lack of respect and understanding in a relationship.

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A Jerk boss

7. Avoid conflict at all costs

I live in the Midwest where avoiding conflict is part of the culture, however, I’m from Germany, my dad’s from Brazil, and there, conflict is just more part of life. For me, those contradictions reveal that there is a happy middle ground. As a confident man, you are not aggressive or you just try to pick a fight wherever you go because that makes you a very unpleasant person and you realize that. At the same time, you don’t want people to just walk all over you at every point in time. Neither extreme is healthy and avoiding conflict doesn’t actually solve it, it just means you’re kicking the can down the road, where sometimes, it can lead to more resentment or to an even bigger problem. While insecure men may shy away from a conflict, a confident man recognizes that there is an issue and he addresses it respectfully in a matter of factly manner. It may also mean you may have to compromise at times but it’s always about the matter and not about the other person or making them small but respecting them and finding a good middle ground.

A confident man is open to constructive criticism

8. Fear feedback or inconvenient truths

They’re just part of who we are, so why fret? Trying to pretend that you’re perfect will ultimately only hold you back from getting better. You can’t fix aproblem if you’re in denial about it. The first step is to recognize that there is a problem and the problem is you. For example, an inconvenient truth about me is that I’m a bad manager. Now, I manage people, I got successful up to a certain point. However, by not admitting that I’m not a great manager, I’m actually holding back the growth of my company. So instead, if I recognize the problem and I put a plan in place so other people with better managerial skills actually take over those tasks for me, that is just a much better solution and it all starts with me being vulnerable and realizing that I’m not the best at everything.

9. Fear failure

Actually, failure is part of success. How so? Well, think about it this way, you can make many mistakes if you do one thing really really right. Of course, it’s always easy to talk about failure when you’re at the point where you’ve already made it and you succeeded, however, without failure, no one can achieve mastery. For example, in school, I learned a lot more when I got a really bad grade than if I got a good grade. The same with money, if I lost $20,000 in my business because I made a bad decision, I learned from it and I wouldn’t do it again. So I think failing is great if you embrace it and become more productive or better because of it. Frankly, I think failing is important in many areas of life and sometimes, if you start learning how to fail early on, you make small mistakes rather than not making any mistakes and then making a really big one that costs you so much that everything goes down. Because of that, confident men never let the fear of failure control their life.

Social Media platforms

10. Take advertising or social media too seriously

Sometimes, when you see those pictures, it may seem like the world around us is living this glamorous lifestyle while we are stuck in our office doing something we don’t really like. Now, if you were to take a behind the scenes shot of that beautiful photo, maybe you’d realize that things aren’t as bright as they appear to be. The world out there isn’t perfect and some people are just more skilled in taking photos that make it look like it is. Nobody is perfect and it’s not really impossible but it would also be exhausting. Confident men don’t let other Instagram profiles dictate how happy they are with their life and if they realize that other people’s photos may have a negative impact on their own life, they try to stay away from it and just do things that they can change to make them fulfilled and happy.

11. Yield to peer pressure

Why? Well, they know what’s good for them and what isn’t. They’re not afraid to speak up if someone wants to sell them something, wants them to do something because they know, at the end of the day, they would regret it. A perfect example of this is drinking or smoking. When other people drink, they oftentimes want to invite others to drink with them and pressure them to do that even though the other person may really hate how they are when they drink. For confident men, it is okay not to have a drink even though they usually like to drink.

Do not give in to peer pressure

I remember in high school when I was a teenager, it was really popular to smoke cigarettes and it was just part of being cool. So all my friends around me, they would smoke and there was this peer pressure that I would smoke as well but I just wasn’t interested in it, I just didn’t smoke. People who aggressively try to convince others that they have to do as they are doing usually are insecure and not very confident about it because confident men realize their limitations but they also respect other people’s opinions and wishes. and don’t just try to sell them stuff that they’re not really interested in.

12. Be People-pleasers

There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to make other people happy and there is always a time and a place for that. However, people pleasers are often easy to take advantage of. Confident men typically balance their own needs with other people’s needs so it’s all respectful, dignified, and no one loses face or is embarrassed or ridiculed. Now, that starts with being honest with yourself and just speaking up if something doesn’t work for you. It’s definitely one of those skills you might have to practice but saying no is one of the most valuable tools in a confident man’s toolbox. So that also means you sometimes have to put yourself or your relationships first before your job. If your boss asks you to stay late for the third time but you have a date night with your significant other, you may have to say “Sorry, not today.” That also means that you have to tell your friends or acquaintances that you can’t join them on that expensive vacation because you simply don’t have the funds for it. Now, it’s always easy to say no and what doesn’t work for you. Confident men realize that but they also try to balance that with expressing what is working for them so other people can see it works for them. So if you aren’t okay with something, don’t just say no, say “No, but here is what’s working for me.”

13. Hide behind screens or anonymity

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These days, it is very easy to say things online or over text but often, people would never say that one-on-one in person. Online interactions have the potential to dehumanize communication and it’s much easier to humiliate someone or to say bad things about them when it’s just a remote transaction and you can hide behind an alias that is not tied to your existence. If you’re afraid to be connected to anything that you say, you probably shouldn’t say it in the first place. Even sometimes, our YouTube comments can be very mean and I’m sure most people would not say that to me in person but behind their username, they’re happy to really unload. I always keep in mind the Internet has a long memory and never forgets so maybe at some point in time, things will be exposed so you’re always better off to not use a screen or anonymity to say things you otherwise wouldn’t say. That aside, in general, it’s more of a cowardly thing to do and not a hallmark of a confident man. That being said, there are always exceptions to the rule such as whistleblower statutes or it can make sense if one really powerful person could just take someone out who’s critical of them. In those cases, it makes sense to have anonymity or a medium where you can say something in private.

If someone offers a hand, especially if it’s family, you take it.

14. Fear asking for help if they need it

Fourteen, confident men aren’t afraid to ask for help if they need it. As an entrepreneur and CEO who started as a one-man show from scratch, I always had the tendency to just want to do things myself. However, over the years, I’ve learned that to really accomplish something and to build something bigger than me, I have to rely on other people, teach them to the best of my ability, and trust them that they can do things. And even though they may not be a hundred percent like me, they can still contribute in a meaningful way that is better overall than if I would do it all myself. Humility is a virtue and asking for it in the right way will earn your respect and not make you look worse. At the end of the day, it all comes down to self-awareness and if you understand what you’re good at and you stick to that and outsource the things that you’re not good at, you’ll be a much better person and at the same time, you empower others around you.

15. Assume the world around them is out to get them

When other people say things or do things that hurt you or your feelings, it’s always very easy to assume malicious intent. In my experience, most of the time, people are not ill-willed but they simply have a different way of thinking, they had a different upbringing, they come from a different culture, or just see things differently than you do. Assuming to know what people meant or what their intentions were is very unproductive because you automatically assume that they’re exactly the way you are and that they would interpret certain things exactly the way you would. Reality is they don’t and confident men always give other people the benefit of the doubt. Of course, that doesn’t mean that you should let other people just walk all over you, the old saying “shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice” explains it pretty well. If people have shown you in the past repeatedly that they are ill-willed or malicious, yes, you shouldn’t trust them now, all of a sudden.

16. Treat other people around them poorly (No Matter the Power Dynamic)

People who treat others poorly to make themselves feel better is a sure sign that they’re insecure about themselves. Verbally abusing people around you, like your waiter, the retail clerk, or a service person just makes you look like an insecure bully. For example, I remember a situation where I was out with someone buying wine for a dinner and the clerk was trying to be helpful and was telling us what he thought was a good value. He compared lower-priced champagne with a high-priced one and the person I was there with just jumped in and said oh I’ll take twice of those the way he said it and the way he looked at the person and the whole surroundings made it seem awkward and it seemed to me like he was doing it to feel better about himself but I thought, well, maybe he just didn’t mean it that way and I gave him the benefit of the doubt. However, later at the dinner, he bragged about saying that line and looking at that person and how elevated he felt about it and laughed about it. So, it was obvious that he just did it to make himself feel better on someone else’s dime. Confident men don’t build themselves up by making other people around him feel small or less important because they inherently know their self-worth and that they’re valuable. What are some things that you see men doing that seem very insecure (or alternatively, very confident)? Please share with us in the comments.

gentlemansgazette.com - 16 Things Confident Men Never Do - Confidence Boosters For Gentlemen

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