Infatuation Rules
Photo: Ketut Subiyanto
If both partners are giving equally, the relationship will work. But if your partner takes you for granted or doesn't respect you, that means trouble. Sometimes this is a result of relationship stressors that can be fixed. If you feel deeply that your partner no longer values you, it could be time to leave.
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Read More »Even when we recognize the signs to leave a relationship, it can still be difficult to work up the courage to give up your sense of connection, significance and certainty. You’ll need to dig deep and focus on yourself, your decisions and your ultimate happiness. That’s what’s most important in life. The desire for a healthy, passionate relationship is part of the human experience. Connection is one of the ten gifts of life : the gifts that give our lives purpose and meaning. It’s also one of the Six Human Needs , which drive every decision we make. Connection is vital to life – and that’s what can make it so hard to know when to leave a relationship.
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Read More »Stage 5: Wholehearted Love There's hard work still involved in this fifth stage of a relationship, but the difference is that couples know how to listen well and lean into uncomfortable conversations without feeling threatened or attacking one another. In this stage, couples also begin to play together again.
The second stage of a relationship is Doubt and Denial, in which we finally start to actually notice the differences between us and our partners. We wake up from the trance of infatuation with a thump, finding that the same qualities that once seemed so perfect have begun to annoy us. (His reliability now feels rigid; her generosity seems irresponsible; their adventurous nature feels like unnecessary risk.) And unfortunately, friction is natural once we run up against each other's differences. Power struggles increase, and we marvel at the change in our partner. Feelings of love mix with alienation and irritation. Perhaps we're not "perfect" for each other after all. As our disappointment escalates, so do our biological responses to stress. Depending on our personality and circumstances, we may want to fight or to withdraw. For example, you may feel the need to fight to defend your values, which may actually translate into the desire to have everything your own way. It makes little sense to expect another person to be just like we are, and yet, at some level, many of us do tend to ask, "Why aren't you like me?"
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