When he doesn t text for a day?

Not getting that text you so badly want might mean they're not ready to date, they're too self-absorbed, or they're emotionally unavailable. It's about them, not you. Perhaps they don't think you two are a good match, but that doesn't make you wrong, or unlovable, or unworthy.

psiloveyou.xyz - This Is Why He's Not Texting You. And how to get over anxiously waiting…

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This Is Why He’s Not Texting You

And how to get over anxiously waiting by the phone.

When it comes to dating, texting can be your best friend, or your worse enemy. It can be exciting texting with someone you’re really into, especially if the conversation is flowing, and you feel like it’s bringing you closer together. But to expect a text that never comes can be a legit nightmare. If you’d really like for that guy you’re into to text you, if you’ve been waiting by your phone and it hasn’t made a beep, this is probably why:

He’s legit bad at texting

It seems odd that, these days, anyone would be bad at texting, but it happens. I have personally met a few people who hate texting. People who will take a look at a text and think, “I’ll get back to them later,” and legit forget to actually type a response — until they receive a follow-up text. That doesn’t make them evil, although, by today’s standards, it does make them a bit rude. Some people are capable of turning off their phones, or ignoring them for hours as they concentrate and get work done. Amazing, right? I think so. As a consequence, texts may go unanswered for hours, or even a day or two. Before you rule someone out for taking hours to text you back, make sure they don’t fall into either the “bad texter,” or the “really focused on work” categories.

He’s self-absorbed and emotionally unavailable

Now, there’s bad at texting, and there’s self-absorbed and emotionally unavailable. Learn the difference. If he’s bad at texting, he might take some time to reach out, but he eventually will. He won’t let you be the one who’s always texting first, and always coming up with date plans. He’ll find ways to show you he’s interested — because he is interested (more on that later). If he’s self-absorbed and emotionally unavailable, however, he won’t do any of that. He won’t bother to show you he’s interested because you’ve been stroking his ego by showing you’re interested, and as long as his ego is happy, he doesn’t care about how you feel. Feels good to him that you’re pursuing, and that’s more than enough. He might not even be ready for a relationship (of any kind) and he might have no business being out in the world, dating. But he is, and he’s trapped you into this incessant loop of texting and waiting to hear back. It’s excruciating for you, but it makes no difference to him whatsoever.

You’ll be better off once you understand that.

He’s avoidantly attached

Although you can’t take a person’s history as a bad texter by itself as conclusive proof that they are avoidantly attached, it can be a sign. As an avoidant, he won’t text you every day. He’ll hardly ever text you first, unless to maintain the appearance that you’re still together somehow, to keep you hooked on the possibility that now, this time, things are about to get serious.

Well, they’re not.

If your guy can easily go a week or longer without talking to you, and if you two only ever talk when you reach out to him first, that’s not a good sign. It’s a behavior that conveys many messages, not mutually exclusive: he doesn’t really miss you when you’re not around, he’s emotionally unavailable, he’s avoidantly attached, or he’s not afraid that someone else might swoop in and “take you” when he’s not looking.

Sure, you can have a relationship in which you’re always texting first, and planning every single date from now until he finds someone else, but is that the kind of relationship you want?

He’s just not that into you

Be honest with yourself, do you constantly text everyone who’s interested in you?

I know I don’t. And the honest answer as to why I don’t: I’m not that into them.

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Once you realize how many conversations you’ve let die because you’re not really into the person you’ve been talking to, it becomes a lot easier to see — and to accept — how that guy whose text never comes might not really like you that much. Let’s face it, you know he’s been using his phone. He just saw your Instagram story, or he just posted one himself. His phone isn’t broken, and he’s definitely not too busy. He just doesn’t really like you that much.

And if he doesn’t really like you that much, let him go.

On the flip side: people who text too much

You only ever see how annoying it is to be on the receiving end of way too much texting when you’re, well, on the receiving end of way too much texting.

It’s exhausting.

It happened to me just the other day. This guy would just not stop. It made me wonder, “Is that how I come across to people? As someone who’s so needy and has so little to do with her time she just won’t leave people alone?” “Who’s got so much free time that they can text all. day. long?”

“Doesn’t this guy like, work?”

“Doesn’t he have other friends?”

The whole experience made me cut back on texting both my friends and potential love interests by a lot. If anyone’s not texting you with the frequency you’d like them to, first take a hard look at yourself. Start noticing how often you text them, and ask yourself if perhaps you’re not overdoing it. Find some balance in how you communicate, and how you expect others to communicate with you. And trust me, you do not want to come across as someone who’s got nothing better to do with her time than to spend the whole day texting. It’s not sexy.

How to stop anxiously checking your phone once and for all

How to get off the hamster wheel of texting and anxiously checking your phone to see if you’ve got a reply. How to stop wasting precious mental and emotional energy wondering if he’ll text you today or not, and if his texts are even worth waiting for (probably not).

Stop pinning your happiness on a text

Seriously, get a life.

I get it, receiving that reminder that your someone special is thinking about you is thrilling, but let’s be real for a minute here: how boring is your life if that text is the highlight of your day?

To stop anxiously waiting by the phone, get busy living.

Put your energy into a project that’s all yours. Lock your phone in your drawer for a couple of hours and get busy. Detach your happiness from someone else’s attention and pin it on your own accomplishments for a change.

Sharing your happiness with someone is awesome, but if your happiness depends on someone, then what’s gonna happen to you when they’re on a bad mood? When they don’t want to see you? When they don’t even feel like talking to you?

What’s gonna happen to you if they decide to leave?

Stop expecting a text to validate you as a person

The fact that they’re not texting you has nothing to do with you. Not getting that text you so badly want might mean they’re not ready to date, they’re too self-absorbed, or they’re emotionally unavailable. It’s about them, not you. Perhaps they don’t think you two are a good match, but that doesn’t make you wrong, or unlovable, or unworthy.

It just makes you a great fit — for somebody else.

The fact that that one person you like doesn’t like you back (they haven’t texted you in two weeks, wake up, it’s over) doesn’t mean you won’t ever find love. Don’t let your value as a person hang on something as silly as a text.

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Give them a deadline

Come up with a criteria you’re comfortable with. Mine is two weeks.

It’s a simple test, I’ll stop texting someone, and if they don’t text me in two weeks, they’re out. I get over them and move on. I don’t leave a question for them to answer, or an open conversation they can still contribute to. I close the subject and wait for them to come up with a new one. I want to see how long it takes for them to miss me, to miss talking to me, and whether or not they’re interested enough to re-establish contact. And two weeks is an extremely generous deadline. Yours can be whatever you want. If you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who can easily go a day without talking to you, then make yours 24 hours. It really is up to you. Just make sure you can take them off your mind and stop expecting anything from them once they blow the deadline.

Choose people who choose you

This is a lesson I’ve learned from my recent Tinder success: how to choose guys who choose me. I was really into a guy I met IRL. We had a lot in common, and it seemed like we were getting along. We went on a couple of dates, and he checked a lot of the boxes that matter to me: has a job, has his own place, didn’t go two weeks without texting me first, came up with date plans, and is also divorced.

Match made in heaven.

I could already see us hanging out on a more regular basis, either at his place or mine. I could see us getting comfortable around each other, sharing real intimacy. But none of that ever came true. He started failing to text me back, and stopped texting me first at all. Whenever we made plans to see each other, he’d either cancel them last minute, or try to divert them into “Netflix and chill” at his place. I’m all for ending the night in bed, but I’d still like to think I’m worth the trouble of being taken out somewhere first. I’m all for domesticity and intimacy at home, but I’d like for us to work our way there, not skip stages like a couple of fourth graders playing hopscotch. After about two weeks of essentially no contact, I decided to give it one last try. I told him how much I liked him, and made it clear that I’d be interested in seeing him again. He said that if it were up to him, we’d definitely go out again. It’s been about a week, and I’m still waiting for him to ask me. Scratch that. I’m not waiting anymore, since I’ve been going out with the guys that do bother to ask me. Instead of waiting around for someone who’s clearly emotionally unavailable, I’ve been engaging with men who actively seek my company. I’ve been choosing men who choose me, and it has been awesome. I don’t have to wonder if they’ll text me back (they do). I don’t have to wonder if they’ll ask me out (they have). And I’ve been generally having a great time with people who not only say they’re interested in me, but who take action on that interest. It doesn’t matter how great you think it would be to have a relationship with someone, if they’re not working towards having a relationship with you, they’re no longer an option.

Take them off your list and move on.

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