Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Any Lane
Recent studies suggest that the third year is the hardest year in a relationship. After 3 years together, many couples begin to question their decision to be committed to their partner. They reconsider if this is really the person with whom they want to spend every single day.
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Read More »One thing everyone entering into a relationship has to acknowledge - that is each person is bound to be on his or her best behavior. It is only natural to want to show one's best side during the initial stages of getting to know one another. After a few months or a year, the true nature of the individuals will begin to show. At first, the partners may ignore or give excuses for certain behaviors, but after two or three years, each person in the relationship will be faced with deciding as to whether they can live with those behaviors or whether some behaviors are escalating and becoming hard to love and live with or perhaps even dangerous. Many will not last beyond three years because they already see qualities in each other that they do not find compatible. Others will be stressed out and will no longer trust or care about their partner. They may not "hate each other" per se, but they may feel as if their relationship isn't going anywhere and sooner or later, they will drift apart. Is the so-called three-year relationship a thing? Yes, and statistically speaking, it's a millennial phenomenon. The 3-year-itch (lessened from the usual seven-year itch) says that a couple will know within three years if they want to stay together for the long-term. Some psychologists believe the "itch" refers to an instinctive behavior in humans where parents stay together for the welfare of the infant child. After three years, and then again in seven years, both parents reevaluate their circumstances - all the more so if they don't have children as a distraction. This is not necessarily the "I hate you!" variety, where couples explode and argue. They come to an intellectual and emotional realization that they're not "in love anymore" and that the chemistry is no longer there. They may even reassure their partner that it's nothing personal…the relationship is just doomed. An article at EliteDaily.com says that by the time a three-year relationship hits that milestone, both partners experience a drop in love and desire. Lust is gone, and romantic feelings are reduced. At this point, they realize that they either want to let go or rekindle the love they once had in the beginning.
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Read More »At some point within the 3-years of being together, a couple will inevitably be confronted with problems that they may have difficulty overcoming without seeking help from outside the relationship. There comes a time when these problems can no longer be ignored. Sexual Incompatibility: If there was compatibility at the beginning of the relationship, this is a problem that can be worked on with honest communication. However, if there never was a sexual connection, the problem is more difficult to solve, but not impossible if the couple still loves each other. Without counseling, the problem is destined to get worse. No Common Interests: There is nothing wrong with having different interests and hobbies. If you and your partner are total opposites and have nothing at all in common, over time, the partners will eventually live separate lives and communicate less as time goes on. A problem only exists if one of the partners becomes frustrated and does not want to live that way. A counselor can help that partner come to grips with the situation, be motivated to change the living arrangements or counsel both parties to find a solution. One Partner is Controlling: After a year of living together, it may become evident that one of the partners is increasingly more controlling. Even at the courting stage and certainly, during the first year of living together, there are signs to look for that indicate your partner is controlling, such as, wanting to know where you are and who you are with at all times. He might also be giving instructions on how to look, how to behave, what to wear, who you can talk to, who your friends are, what you can spend, who can visit your home and who is not welcome. These behaviors will only get worse over time. A counselor can advise both partners, but both partners have to be willing to admit to the behaviors and be willing to change to save the relationship. How you Spend Money: In today's society, it is common for both parties to be working and having their bank accounts. Living as a single person gives that person the right to spend their money any way they see fit. They have no one to answer to. However, if a relationship is going to progress to living together, certain boundaries have to be established, and the payment of certain expenses have to be negotiated upfront. If this conversation and agreement are left for later in the relationship, arguments about control and spending will become a greater issue that may need a counselor to help the partners negotiate a compromise. Past Histories: Couples need to know each other's history - maybe not all the details, but an honest account of past experiences. This has to be addressed at the courting stage. If left until three years into the relationship, arguments about ex-partners and former lifestyles can be blown out of proportion and lead to mistrust, jealousy, and anger. Once the history of each partner is known, it should be left in the past and not discussed every time there is an argument. If one or both partners refuse to do this, a counselor can help the couple find ways of dealing with the issues. Showing Disrespect: Very often, disrespectful behavior is apparent right from the beginning of a relationship. If one partner calls the other names, embarrasses them in public, openly flirts with someone else in their presence, picks a fight for no reason, is abusive, or becomes intoxicated while dating you, it should come as no surprise when that person continues the behavior after the relationship is two or three years old. Some behavior should never be tolerated. If at all possible, both partners should seek the help and advice of a counselor. If only one of the couple decides to seek counseling, it is better than not seeking help at all.
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And it seems it's especially common to reach this brink about three years in. It's called the three-year itch — a phenomenon where tensions rise...
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