Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Elina Fairytale
They don't respect your boundaries. You say that you don't want to have another drink and they order one for you anyway. You say you need to head back home because you have an early day tomorrow and they try to convince you to stay longer. They try to kiss you and you express that you're not comfortable with that.
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Read More »First dates bring up conflicted feelings for a lot of people. There may be nerves, excitement, or even a feeling of dread. Part of what can make the dating process disappointing is that you want a relationship but you end up spending a lot of time with people who ultimately are not compatible with you and don’t want the same things. It’s tough to continue putting yourself out there when you feel like you’re not getting the results you want. This is part of the dating process. However, the more quickly you can determine whether someone is not the right fit, the more quickly you can make room for the right person. The less draining the process is for you, the more fun you will have with it. Although you can’t necessarily determine where a relationship will lead right off the bat, these are some initial red flags that can help you weed out those who are clearly not suitable for you on the first date:
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Read More »5. They don’t answer reasonable questions directly or they try to make you feel bad for asking one. If you’re asking reasonable questions for a first date and your date isn’t answering them directly or they respond judgmentally, proceed with caution. For example, a lot can be learned by asking someone what they are looking for from the dating process. It’s a pretty straightforward question and can easily be answered honestly. If the response to a question like this is, “Why would you ask me that? I don’t know you," “Let’s just go with the flow," or “You’re rushing it," these are signs that the person is judging you for a reasonable question and that you are not on the same page. 6. They frequently check their phone or take calls. Unless it’s an urgent situation, if your date is distracted and frequently checking their phone or taking calls during your date, it shows that they are not taking your feelings into consideration and may have difficulty being fully present if you decide to proceed. 7. They talk about themselves the whole time. Is your date talking at you or with you? There is a difference. When someone is talking at you, they are talking about themselves and not asking you any questions or allowing space for you to share more about yourself. It almost feels like it wouldn’t matter if you were there or not. It’s difficult to build an emotional connection or feel close to someone when you don’t feel seen or heard. On the other hand, when someone is talking with you instead of at you, it is similar to a ping-pong ball being hit back and forth. Your date asks you a question then sends the ball to you, you respond and ask your date a question then hit the ball back to them, and so on. 8. They are trying to speed up the pace of getting to know you too quickly. Are they talking about the future and all of the things you two will do together, events that you will go to, and places you will visit? It may feel nice and exciting at first, but they don’t actually know you, so talking about all of these plans for the future can give you a false sense of security which can likelihood that you will overlook other red flags. 9. They give you backhanded compliments. "Negging" is another term for a backhanded compliment. You may feel confused at first upon hearing a neg because you’re uncertain if you were just complimented or insulted. Negging is often used as a tactic to cause another person to feel self-doubt so they are more likely to want your approval.
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Read More »Here are some examples of what negging can look like on a first date:
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