Infatuation Rules
Photo by Kindel Media Pexels Logo Photo: Kindel Media

What to do when you're in love with someone who is taken?

6 Ways to Cope When Your Crush Is Taken Avoid unnecessary interactions. ... Limit your social media stalking. ... Distract yourself with other people and activities. ... Give your crush's partner a break. ... Admit you don't actually want to be "the other woman." ... Set firm physical boundaries.

cosmopolitan.com - 6 Ways to Cope When Your Crush Is Taken - Cosmopolitan
What is Canon love?
What is Canon love?

“Canon” refers to a true relationship between two people that was written into a story. For instance, if anyone has ever watched Star Trek:...

Read More »
Last updated Dec 3, 2019
Is glowing skin attractive on men?
Is glowing skin attractive on men?

For men, a healthy skin tone may be more important than "manly" facial features in making them attractive to women, according to a new study. In...

Read More »
Last updated Nov 3, 2020

Crushing hard is only fun when the person you have your eye on is available. Catch feelings for someone in a committed relationship, and it can hurt almost as badly as a breakup. "Even though a crush isn’t quite the same, our hearts can still ache for what might have been," says Dr. Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., chair and professor of counseling and counselor education at Northern Illinois University. This content is imported from poll. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site. Here's how to get over a crush you can't date before you lose your damn mind:

More From Cosmopolitan

1. Avoid unnecessary interactions.

Constantly running into your crush at work or school can cause legitimate emotional agony—but it only feels inescapable. "It can definitely be helpful to limit the exposure time you have to the verboten crush," Dr. Suzanne Degges-White says. Small tweaks like dodging their desk on your way to the office espresso machine, or saying you're running late when you bump into them in the hall can help you subtly distance yourself.

Giphy

"Being pleasant, but not overly friendly, is the best way to handle interactions," Dr. Degges-White suggests. You're not forbidding yourself from talking to them–you're just reducing your own emotional attachment.

2. Limit your social media stalking.

It's why Dr. Degges-White suggests curbing your digital interactions with them. You don't have to dramatically unfriend or block your crush–a simple Facebook unfollow, or mute on Instagram or Twitter will do the trick.

Giphy

And if you still end up perusing your crush's tagged pics while bored-browsing your Insta? Dr. Degges-White recommends going one step further: Curb the habit by spending less time on social media, altogether.

3. Distract yourself with other people and activities.

If your crush is in your group, you might be tempted to suppress your feelings and maintain your friendship. But when you're secretly into them, investing time in your friendship can really mess with your emotions.

Giphy

"There’s no magic cure for an unrequited crush," Dr. Degges-White says. "But focusing on other relationships or finding a new passion can sometimes help make the healing period a little shorter." So hit up your other friends to hang out more. Get into a niche sport like rock-climbing or aerobic pole-dancing. If you're up for it, go on a date. Do anything to move away from the idea that being with this person is your one path to happiness. If it's meant to happen, living your best life won't get in the way.

How do you know if a date is going well?
How do you know if a date is going well?

There is no time limit on how long a good first date should last. It is a positive sign if both you and your date do not want to go home and you...

Read More »
Last updated Nov 6, 2018
What hair color do guys prefer?
What hair color do guys prefer?

What hair color do guys find most attractive? Sorry blondes, but 60% of the men in question said they find brunette to be the most desirable. A...

Read More »
Last updated May 16, 2022

4. Give your crush's partner a break.

Pretty much every rom-com ever includes a love interest who is already dating a catty, super-uninteresting monster woman whose only defining character trait is keeping the main characters from being together.

Giphy

But in real life, your crush's partner is a person, not an obstacle. Casting your crush's girlfriend or boyfriend as the villain makes it easier to fixate on a breakup that gives you the opportunity to swoop in—a fantasy that's probably unrealistic and will either disappoint you, or keep you perpetually looking towards the future instead of living in the moment. It's why you're better off accepting the status quo regardless of how you feel about your crush's choice in partners.

5. Admit you don't actually want to be "the other woman."

"There’s something about wanting what you can’t have that can be seductive," Dr. Degges-White says—and it's especially true when your crush is a total flirt despite being taken, which could be bad news from the get-go. See, even if that person doesn't cheat-cheat with you, if they badmouth their partner to you or sometimes hold your hand when they're drunk, guess what! That's emotional cheating—and one strike for infidelity. "Track records show that a person that cheats on one partner is pretty likely to cheat on the next one," Dr. Degges-White says.

Related Story 9 Signs Your Partner Is Emotionally Cheating

What's more, someone who's willing to cheat on their partner may be unhappy in their current relationship. And there's no way to tell whether they're falling for you or the idea of running away from the person they're seeing.

6. Set firm physical boundaries.

Alas, if only it were as simple as knowing a person who comes on to you despite their commitment to someone else is a selfish douche—and subsequently losing interest in them. But feelings aren't always so neat and logical. If you're concerned you might be tempted to make out with a taken crush who's particularly flirty, it's important to set up some ground rules to avoid doing something you may end up regretting, according to Dr. Degges-White says.

Giphy

How do you know you and your partner are not compatible?
How do you know you and your partner are not compatible?

Early signs you're not compatible with your partner can come in many forms. Incompatibility can look like butting heads about big things, like...

Read More »
Last updated Jun 8, 2022
How soon does a man know he found the one?
How soon does a man know he found the one?

The average American man knows after seven months of dating if his partner is “the one,” according to new research. Oct 1, 2019

Read More »
Last updated Jul 17, 2019

If you can't eliminate social interactions altogether, make a rule to not physically touch your crush apart from, say, a platonic hug. And if you have to see them at after-work drinks, have one vodka-soda and peace out so your buzz doesn't cloud your resolve. Distancing yourself from your crush is the least you can do for yourself: You'll avoid the emotional clusterf*ck and guilt that tend to follow intoxicatingly-dangerous kisses. And if you've tried all these tips and continue to fall for unavailable people... It might be part of a larger pattern of you falling for realistically-undateable people, according to Dr. Degges-White. "Sometimes, people are attracted to 'forbidden fruit' because it serves as a protective mechanism," she says. "If a person lacks self-confidence in their romantic attractiveness and they choose to crush on people that are unattainable, they are probably protecting themselves from potential failure and from being hurt."

Giphy

On the other hand, she notes that you could be someone who enjoys the chase but starts to panic when you get the chance to date the person you'd pursued for so long. As simultaneously thrilling and devastating as these crushes can be, after a while, they'll just leave you with a muted sadness.

Related Story 17 Jokes Only Emotionally Unavailable People Get

"You need to ask yourself what is keeping you from setting your sights on someone who might actually be available for a genuine relationship," Degges-White says, adding that self-exploration via therapy, or simply talking things through with your close friends can help.

Follow Julia on Twitter.

cosmopolitan.com - 6 Ways to Cope When Your Crush Is Taken - Cosmopolitan
What does your brain do when you have a crush on someone?
What does your brain do when you have a crush on someone?

It starts with a crush That first spark of attraction ignites a region buried deep inside the brain called the ventral tegmental area, or VTA....

Read More »
Last updated May 13, 2020
How to look hot as a guy?
How to look hot as a guy?

Dress In The RIGHT Colors. You probably know that certain colors suit you better. ... The RIGHT Fragrance. How to look hot may not have anything to...

Read More »
Last updated Apr 14, 2021
Is blocking the dumper a good idea?
Is blocking the dumper a good idea?

As a general rule of thumb, ignoring your ex and then getting back in contact later is used for getting an ex back. On the other hand, blocking an...

Read More »
Last updated Mar 24, 2021
What keeps a man in love with you?
What keeps a man in love with you?

Be vocal about what you want from your man Always voice your feelings when in a relationship. He is not a mind reader and he certainly can't...

Read More »
Last updated Mar 12, 2021