Photo: Loc Dang

What to do when the intimacy is gone?

If your intimacy is gone, there are some things you can do to understand why—and find ways to reignite the flames. ... Fire Starter Tips: Don't look at what you've lost; look at who you're missing. Acknowledge and appreciate what your spouse does well. Stay curious. Do something different.

firstthings.org - Help! Our Intimacy is Gone - First Things First

What city has the most good looking men?

Clover analyzed data from 500,000 of its users, to determine which cities have the most attractive men and women. The dating app's scoring system...

Last updated Nov 18, 2019

How do you know a man is yours?

13 Signs You've Found Your Mr. Right The physical chemistry between you two is palpable. ... He takes a genuine interest in your life. ... He makes...

Last updated Jul 11, 2018

Promotion

Rekindling the passion may be easier than you think. By Reggie Madison

You expect a campfire to burn hot and then turn into ashes. But you didn’t expect the fire to die down in your marriage, did you? Love… sex… connection… You expected them to go through ruts, maybe. Highs and lows? Sure. But nobody expects to wake up one day and realize the intimacy is gone. And we’re not just talking about sex. Intimacy is way more than sex. It happens when you and your spouse fully know and experience each other—sexually, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. If your intimacy is gone, there are some things you can do to understand why—and find ways to reignite the flames. These questions and “fire starters” may heat things up a bit.

Has your marriage become child-centered?

Before kids, the backseat was for… you know. (Oh, don’t act like I’m the only one!) But maybe now the backseat is full of car seats. Does your marriage feel like it’s taken a backseat to the kids?

Children can be exhausting. (I know. I’ve got seven of them!) They keep you awake, and they require a lot of energy. It’s hard for parents to be intimate. It can be different, though!

Fire Starter Tips:

Schedule kid-free time. Give kids a bedtime that allows you to be friends and lovers. Schedule a good babysitter for date nights. Teach your kids to do some things on their own. Intentionally put the married back in married parents.

Where’s your focus?

It may seem logical to you that if intimacy is gone, more sex will help—but it doesn’t work that way. I said this earlier, but it’s worth repeating: Intimacy is about so much more than sex! In fact, there are 5 different types of intimacy in marriage. (If you want to learn what they are and how you can grow them, check out this toolkit.) When intimacy is gone in your marriage, focusing on emotional intimacy is a great place to start rekindling the flame.

Fire Starter Tip:

Schedule 15-20 minutes daily to learn about each other’s thoughts, dreams, hopes, fears, emotions, etc.

No technology. No kids. And no interruptions.

This consistency will reignite and deepen your intimacy. If you’re too busy, cutting something out of your schedule to focus on each other will help. (Try these marriage conversation starters.)

Are you holding back?

Being vulnerable is hard. I get it. Especially if there’s been hurt, distrust, or betrayal. But hiding parts of yourself from your spouse (or feeling unsafe) can smother the fire of intimacy. Without transparency and vulnerability, the disconnection grows and blocks the airflow.

Fire Starter Tips:

How do you know if someone isn't loyal?

15 signs of disloyalty in a relationship Signs he's not loyal. They don't want to commit. They treat your relationship like a chore. They are...

Last updated Feb 11, 2022

Is it possible for a narcissist to not cheat?

Not all narcissists are cheaters, but rates of infidelity are higher among them, which may concern people who are in a relationship with a...

Last updated Mar 23, 2021

Promotion

Breathe life into your relationship by identifying why you may be holding back. Discuss why it’s hard to open up. A good marriage counselor can help.

Are you both at your best?

I feel like I’m a better husband when I’m:

getting enough sleep,

physically active,

having alone/quiet time, and

eating well.

Esther Perel, author and marital intimacy expert, says we can offer our best when we are most connected. Different seasons of marriage—having a new baby, caring for a loved one, or working an intense schedule—call for different responses. Being sensitive to extra stress your spouse may be experiencing can increase intimacy.

Fire Starter Tips:

Look at your schedule together and prioritize your marriage. Talk about how you can help each other.

What do you expect?

The early stages of marriage can make you think intimacy is natural. There’s a 2-year honeymoon phase when your body naturally produces chemicals that drive your passion. After that, your body stops producing those chemicals, so it may feel like the natural intimacy is gone. It can hit you unexpectedly. You wonder if you married the right person or if you’re just not in love anymore. More than likely, you’re just moving to a different season of marriage. Perel tells us that our desire for our spouse increases as we see them in their element. It reminds us why we fell in love and increases our curiosity about them.

Fire Starter Tips:

Don’t look at what you’ve lost; look at who you’re missing. Acknowledge and appreciate what your spouse does well. Stay curious. Do something different. Intimacy dies when we stop exploring each other (in all the ways) or put up walls. But sometimes, fresh eyes or fresh adventures can get that flame burning high and hot once again. Don’t give up! ***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear that someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***

firstthings.org - Help! Our Intimacy is Gone - First Things First

How do I get him back without being desperate?

5 Ways to Get Your Ex Back—Without Looking Desperate Start Seeing Another Woman. Make Yourself Interesting Again. Get in the Best Shape of Your...

Last updated Feb 27, 2022

Why does God want us to trust in him?

God knows everything we are going through at this very moment and everything we will go through in the future. He knows the best way to handle...

Last updated Jan 3, 2022

Promotion

How do you know if you're being used?

For instance, they may ask you to lend them money or pay their bills. The person imposes on you without consideration for your availability or...

Last updated Aug 1, 2019

Promotion

What is the fastest way to get TikTok famous?

How to Grow Your TikTok Followers Identify your target audience. Leverage TikTok trends. Educate your followers. Use hashtags effectively. Cross-...

Last updated Feb 16, 2021