Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: RODNAE Productions
Research in the field of infidelity reveals that there are three distinct personality types correlated with a higher likelihood of cheating: sociopaths, narcissists, and lonely hearts.
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Read More »In contrast, narcissism is hallmarked by grandiosity and conceit. The narcissist believes they are better-looking, smarter, fitter, and more worthy than their spouse, which leads them to believe they are entitled to cheat3 . And that they believe they are better-looking, smarter, fitter, and more worthy than their affair partner may lead them to believe they are entitled to use them exclusively for their own sexual pleasure. (Sexual narcissism itself can be considered one specific type of narcissism.) Interestingly, though they may get up to the same unsavory social behaviors, sociopaths and narcissists are two very different fellows. That handsome narcissist across the coffee bar is likely to be somewhat neurotic, with a deep underlying lack of confidence, stemming from an insecure attachment to the primary caregiver in early childhood. Under their confident exterior, they may secretly suffer from excessive worry, guilt, and anxiety. Meanwhile, the smooth-operating and deceitful sociopath two seats over is much more detached, resulting from an avoidant attachment to his primary caregiver, if they had one. People with an avoidant attachment style have trouble getting close to, trusting, and relying on others. They actually seek out relationships that are more likely to be distant and less emotionally demanding. Their early bonding experience likely involved a distracted or dismissive authoritarian parent who failed to satisfy their needs. As a result, they seek comfort from those who are less intimate and committed in their relationships. And an extramarital relationship perfectly avoids the threat of intimacy in a sexual relationship, which explains the link between attachment avoidance and infidelity. Meanwhile, the narcissist may actually crave and long for the intimacy that was lacking in their early attachment to their parent, and they may very well be lacking in their current relationship with their partner. Studies show that both the sociopath and the narcissist tend to have more lenient attitudes toward infidelity4 than does the typical Gallup responder. They tend to be more permissive about sex, have a greater desire to have casual sex, and are more willing to engage in sex without emotional commitment. They tend to be dominant in their relationship with their spouses, have a higher propensity for sexual excitation (referring to how often and to what degree one becomes sexually excited), be sensation seekers (referring to both exciting and possibly dangerous situations), and score higher on psychological measures of impulsivity, or the inability to control one’s actions. The marital relationships resulting from the early bonding patterns of sociopaths and narcissists tend to include poor problem-solving patterns, a lack of coping skills, little consistency, low mutual respect, and poor communication skills. In addition, satisfaction of time spent together, satisfaction with physical appearance, and social prestige are all lower in marriages containing either sociopaths or narcissists.
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