Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Letticia Massari
Research finds that 40-50 percent of people have reunited with an ex to start a new relationship. On-again relationships tend to suffer lower relationship quality and worse functioning than never-broken relationships. People often resume relationships with ex-partners because of lingering feelings.
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Read More »Moving through a romantic break-up isn't pleasant. Feelings get hurt, egos bruised, and plans change on a dime. In the aftermath of a break-up, ex-partners must find a way to manage their mixed emotions of grief, distress, and (sometimes) relief. A person is forced to rebuild who they are, separate from a partner. This is hard work. Yet, people often return to their previous romantic partners. They might get back together after a few months of separation, but other times, partners move on and live completely separate lives for years before finding a way back to each other. Consider Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck: They split up in 2004, dated and married other people, separated from those partners, and ultimately reunited in 2021. While this may seem unusual, the pattern of returning to an ex-partner is actually quite common. By some estimates, 40-50 percent of people have reunited with an ex to start a new relationship (Dailey et al., 2009).
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Read More »Loneliness is a heavy burden to carry, and if it doesn't lighten in the days, weeks, or months after a break-up, maybe getting back together solves an important problem. Reuniting can provide companionship, a benefit that might outweigh the reasons their partners broke up. Insight. People can realize, after they break up, that their ex-partner is actually "the one." They might also learn more about their ex-partner in their absence, changing their perceptions of who that person is and why they may have behaved as they did. Ex-partners might see each other in a new light after time has passed, perhaps because they have, in fact, each changed, matured, or in other ways had life experiences that make them, now, well-suited for each other. People can realize, after they break up, that their ex-partner is actually "the one." They might also learn more about their ex-partner in their absence, changing their perceptions of who that person is and why they may have behaved as they did. Ex-partners might see each other in a new light after time has passed, perhaps because they have, in fact, each changed, matured, or in other ways had life experiences that make them, now, well-suited for each other. The ex is still better than other partners. Sometimes, people get back together with their ex-partner because they discover that other available potential partners aren't so appealing. Sometimes, people get back together with their ex-partner because they discover that other available potential partners aren't so appealing. Regret. Breakups can happen suddenly or unfold gradually over time. Sometimes they're intentional, other times a heat-of-the-moment type decision. Some ex-partners get back together because they believe they should never have broken up in the first place, and they view the break-up as a regrettable mistake. Breakups can happen suddenly or unfold gradually over time. Sometimes they're intentional, other times a heat-of-the-moment type decision. Some ex-partners get back together because they believe they should never have broken up in the first place, and they view the break-up as a regrettable mistake. For the partner's sake. Not all reunions are desired equally by both partners. Evidence suggests some people reunite not because they want to but because they feel guilty or indebted to their ex. They might feel bad for their ex and see getting together as a way to manage their ex's distress.
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