What makes love toxic?

Any relationship can involve toxic love, but it may be the most common in romantic relationships. Toxic love may involve physical, mental, or emotional abuse, or it might involve manipulation, emotional blackmail, shame, control, and other potentially harmful behaviors.

betterhelp.com - How To Tell You're In Toxic Love | BetterHelp

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It Can Be Challenging To Identify And Cope With Toxic Love. Learn From A Licensed Therapist. Any relationship can involve toxic love, but it may be the most common in romantic relationships. Toxic love may involve physical, mental, or emotional abuse, or it might involve manipulation, emotional blackmail, shame, control, and other potentially harmful behaviors. If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, please know help is available. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1–800–799–SAFE(7233).An online therapist may be able to help you work through any stress or symptoms of anxiety and depression stemming from the toxic love you’re experiencing. It may also be possible to work together with your partner and a couples therapist to improve your relationship health.

Where Toxic Love Exists

Toxic love can exist in nearly any situation in which you have formed a relationship or bond with another. Some people may find that they have toxic love from their parents or siblings. The most common situation in which people find themselves in toxic love can be in personal relationships, such as long-term friendships and romantic relationships.

Toxic Love From Parents

In many cases, the first relationships we have in life are with our parents. They may be the first to form bonds with us and the first to show us what love is. As children, many people don't have anyone else to look to for the meaning of what it is to be loved. As they grow, children maycome to expect from love what their parents have given them in the past. Sometimes, as adults, they may learn that the love they received was toxic. Studies have shown that toxic relationships with parents can ultimately lead to toxic relationships as an adult. Because you may grow up with this behavior and associate it with love, you might expect that behavior from anyone who says that they love you. This can be detrimental to your mental and physical health. When you are a child, you typically do not have any real power or control over your relationship with your parents. As an adult, though, you may be able to examine yourparental relationships carefully, put an end to anytoxicity, and form healthier bonds with others. However, it often takes some work in therapy to recover from early toxic relationships with caregivers.

Some signs of toxic love from parents may include the following.

Nothing you do is ever good enough.

Your parents use manipulation to get their way.

You find yourself wondering what you mustdo to keep their love.

You do anythingthey ask because you are afraid of the consequences, even as an adult. It can be human nature to love your parents, regardless of the way they may treat you. This can make it very difficult to cut toxic parents from your life completely. You may wish to work to change the nature of the relationship and limit time spent with your parents to become a healthier person.

Toxic Love From Siblings

Siblings are often your first friends and playmates. The bonds between siblings are usually strong, especially if the siblings are close in age. However, the relationship between siblings can be equally as toxic as that with a parent. Siblings that use emotional blackmailing and guilt trips to get what they want from you can be engaging in toxic behaviors. You may not want to cut your siblings out of your life, but you may wish to limit the time you spend with them. You can take control of your decisions and set healthy boundaries.

Toxic Love From Romantic Partners

The most common toxic relationship that adults seek to remedy may be with their romantic partners. This type of toxic lovecanbe the most difficult to see when you are in the depths of the relationship. Especially if you have had toxic relationships in other areas of your life, it can be difficult to see past the love you feel to the relationship’s true nature. Many toxic romantic relationships can be extremely passionate. There may be definite lows, but the highs can be so intense that you feel you simply cannot live without the other person. Because of these highs, you might continue to cope with the lows. Your love, and the love you feel you receive from the other person during those highs, can sustain you when things are not going well. The potential problem with this is that, eventually, the toxicity of the relationship may worsen. As toxic behaviors become the norm, the highs may become fewer and farther between. You might also fear being alone orfeel apprehensive about what would happen to the other person if you left.

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There can be many reasons that people stay in toxic romantic relationships, but the most common one may be that they simply don't see how bad things are. They may not recognize that the behaviors are toxic to their well-being, or they might recognize the poor behavior but feel that it can be overcome.

Recognizing Abuse

The clearest sign of a toxic relationship may be abuse. It can be simple to spot physical abuse, but mental and emotional abuse can be tricky. It may be difficult to know if you are in the midst of emotional or mental abuse because, often, it begins in a very subtle way. Sometimes you may recognize behavior from your loved one as negative or harmful but still not see it for the abuse that it is. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1–800–799–SAFE(7233). The definition of abuse from the Merriam-Webster dictionary is to "treat a person with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly." Recognizing the difference between simple bad behavior and cruelty can be challenging in the moment. Mental and emotional abuse is often gradual. A relationship mightbegin with all roses and sunshine. Every day mayseem happy and full of love. Often, the feelings can be extremely intense, with passions running very high. Slowly, the abusive partner may begin wearing down your defenses until, eventually, you may find that you are constantly in fear of eliciting a negative reaction. There can be many different signs of mental and emotional abuse in toxic relationships. One of the biggest signs of abuse can be controlling behavior. When your partner seeks to make your decisions for you or controls your actions frequently, it can be a sign of toxic love. Control may be outright or subtle. Your partner may outright tell you what to do, with belittling comments and disrespect being the consequence of not obeying. Conversely, they could allow you to believe you are making your own decisions, while in reality, theymay be manipulating your behavior by letting you know what does and does not please them. When they are not pleased, they could be unreasonably angry and lash out. They may also use emotional blackmail to get you to do what they want, such as telling you how much they will be hurt or upset if you don't do as they ask. A potential sign that you could be in a toxic relationship is if your partner constantly tells you that they could leave at any time. Threats of leaving the relationship can be blackmail and a way to control your behavior. Another potential signof mental and emotional abuse is being told that nothing you do is right. If you are constantly being told that you are doing something wrong, or if you are constantly being belittled, this may be as cruel and damaging as physical abuse. As such behavior continues over time, your self-esteem maygreatly suffer. This can possibly lead to symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Examining Your Feelings

Examining your feelings about yourself and your relationship can be a gateway to recognizing toxic love. Consider how you felt about yourself before the relationship. Did you love yourself? Were you happy with your decisions? Were you independent? Were you a free spirit?

Now, think about how you feel about yourself currently. Do you have the feeling that you are not good enough? Do you think little of yourself? Are you afraid to make your own decisions? Have you toned down or stopped behavior that comes naturally to you to please your partner? Are you sad more often than you are happy?

It may also be helpful to examine your feelings about the relationship. More than likely, you greatly love the person you are with. You might make excuses for them to your friends and family, trying to convince everyone that you see something in them that others do not. You may truly love this person. But do they make you happy? How often do they show their love for you in real, tangible, or intangible ways? Are you constantly in fear that you will displease your partner? These can all be signs that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship.

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Daily Signs Of Toxic Love

Toxic relationships don't always happen overnight, but once the relationship reaches a truly unreasonable level, the signs can be everywhere, in everything that you do throughout the day.One of the most recognizable warning signs that you may be in a toxic relationship is chronic unhappiness. Here are some of the other signs you may want to look out for. It Can Be Challenging To Identify And Cope With Toxic Love. Learn From A Licensed Therapist.

Your partner withholds affection for perceived faults in behavior.

When you express concern, show you are upset, or talk about disappointments, your partner turns the tables and blames you for the situation. Your partner makes all the decisions, big or small, from what to eat for dinner to where you will go on vacation. When you make a decision your partner doesn't like, they lash out at you in anger and belittle you. Your partner finds ways to get out of social engagements and uses emotional blackmail to keep you from going to engagements without them. Your partneroverhearsa conversation and coaches you on your responses to the other person. Your partner tells you more than once per day about a fault that you have that displeases them. You are expected to give your all to activities and time spent together, but you get nothing in return.

You are not permitted to walk away during an argument.

Your partner yells during small disagreements or out of the blue.

Your partner throws or hits things.

When you go somewhere without your partner, you are accused of misdeeds or made to feel guilty for not taking them along. You are expected to check in while at work, and if you don't, you are lectured or yelled at for it when you return home. If any of these things sound familiar to you, you may be in a toxic relationship. While no one is perfect, and everyone has their moments, having these things happen regularly can be a sign that you are experiencing toxic love.

Coping With Toxic Love

When you find yourself in a toxic relationship, there may be three main options available to you. You can accept the relationship and toxic love for what it is and try not to be stressed by attemptingto change the situation. You can attempt to change the nature of the relationship by setting clear boundariesfor yourself and sticking to them. You can leave the relationship and cut the toxic person from your life. For your mental and physical health, the best option you can take may be to change the nature of the relationship or leave it behind. Doing nothing mayonly result in more heartache and ill health. If you truly want to make the relationship work, you will likely need to set clear boundaries and make them known to your partner. You may then have to stick to these boundaries and not allow your partner’s behavior to change or dictate your own.

Online Therapy May Help With Toxic Love

Experiencing toxic love can lead to stress and other mental health issues, and online therapy may be a way to work through these challenges with the help of a licensed therapist. A potential benefit of online therapy is its versatility.Depending on your needs, you may be connected with an individual or couples therapist specializing in different issues. There is a growing amount of evidence showing that online therapy may be an effective way of helping couples and individuals who are in strained relationships. Onebroad-based studyexamined the effectiveness of online counseling for couples with distressed relationships. It found that online resources could improve the functioning of relationshipsand reduce mental health symptoms in the individuals in the relationship.

betterhelp.com - How To Tell You're In Toxic Love | BetterHelp

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