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11 Tips to Deal With Feeling Alone in a Relationship

Identifying why you’re feeling lonely in your relationship is the first step to managing and overcoming it. By spending time talking with your significant other and investing in yourself and others who are close to you, you will begin to get closer to your partner and others, and feel some of the loneliness subside.

The following are nine tips to overcome feeling alone in a relationship:

1. Talk About It With Your Partner

While talking to your partner might be a difficult thing to do, it is necessary. Your partner cannot read your mind to know what you are thinking and feeling. Too often we expect those around us to know what we want and need without us saying anything.

A few suggestions to help make that talk easier are:

Pick a time where neither of you are too tired or irritable, and when you won’t be interrupted

ASK for what you want. Your partner might thank you for it.

Share what you are feeling without blaming. Tackle this as if you and your partner are on the same team and the loneliness is the problem to be solved. Don’t be afraid of being vulnerable. Sometimes it’s hard to bear our souls, but it can often bring about a closer sense of connection.

2. Don’t Expect Your Significant Other to Meet All Your Needs

To hope that another human can wholly fulfill and meet our needs is asking too much of anyone. While your partner may meet some of your needs, you need to make sure that you have other outlets to feel fulfilled. You may be putting too much on your significant other and expecting them to meet all of your needs if:

You don’t spend time with anyone else

You only ask for help from your partner

You won’t go to events without your partner

You need your partner’s opinion on everything

3. Spend Time With Your Other Friends

Another outlet that may help you meet your needs is to spend time with your friends. Research has shown a person needs between three to five people in their circle to have the greatest life satisfaction.3 Spending time with friends allows you to have different experiences and opinions shared. This can lead to greater feelings of contentment.

Effortless ways to spend time with friends are:

Invite them to your house

Go out for lunch

Connect after work

Spend time working out at the gym together

Watch a movie together

4. Find a Hobby to Practice on Your Own

Many times people lose themselves in relationships and forget that they are an individual in addition to part of a couple. Take time to do those things you enjoy. If you have forgotten what makes you happy, take the time to figure it out. Whether it’s painting, dancing, or hunting, doing these things will keep you feeling refreshed and will help improve your relationship.

Some ways to hone in on your hobbies are:

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Identify what you used to do and see if you still enjoy it

Think about activities you have said look like fun

Identify an area that you would like to improve in

Identify whether you need an activity that is a little more adventurous or more calming and relaxing

5. Invest in Yourself

Take time to get to know yourself. Take the time to learn more about how you think, learn, relate, and thrive as a person. Explore a few self-help books that resonate with you that might make you grow.

To find a self-help book that’s right for you:

Identify the area you see a need to grow or want to improve in Take time to look at various authors who are experts on the subject Find a book that has a workbook so you can engage and apply it to your life

6. Develop Nourishing Self-Care Practices

When you practice self-care, you tend to feel happier. Take the time to get that haircut, get that massage, or spend time exercising. You will feel better about yourself and your partner will feel that.

Some ways to practice self-care include:

Taking a long bath

Listening to your favorite music

Getting your nails done

Getting a massage

Going to the gym

7. Try Couples Therapy

Sometimes the loneliness in us might stem from deeper issues, such as abandonment or attachment issues. Find a couples therapist who is trained to deal with these issues and address them to begin healing.

Tips to find a therapist include:

Using an online directory to filter search results to find someone offering couples counseling who is a good fit for you. Call your insurance company to find out who is in network in your area Once you find a therapist, be open and honest about the needs you see in your life

8. Explore Intimacy With Your Partner

While men and women relate differently to intimacy, the lack of intimacy can bring on a sense of loneliness for both partners. Women may find it hard to be physically intimate when they are not feeling emotionally connected. Men, on the other hand, often equate sexual intercourse with intimacy. It is good in a relationship to explore both areas.

Some ways to explore intimacy include:

Taking time to say “I love you”

Doing a chore that you don’t normally do

Taking time to write a note to your partner

Exploring touch other than sexual touch

Exploring new sexual positions

Taking time to show appreciation and respect for each other

9. Take a Social Media Break

While social media can help some people connect, it also can lead to feelings of loneliness, especially for those who have low self-esteem. Frequently viewing snapshots of others’ lives often leads people to think that others have more interesting lives, are smarter, more interesting or have more friends.4 This, in turn, leads to compounded feelings of loneliness.

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Some ways to use social media in a productive way include:

Limiting the number of people on your social media account. If you do not have a personal relationship with them, then do not ‘friend’ them. Connecting with those you know to tell them what is happening in your life and to share their events. Using social media to set up a time to connect in real life

Using it to stay in touch with those who are physically distanced

10. Volunteer in Your Community

Giving back to your community is one of the best ways to build a sense of purpose, fulfillment, and connection to your surroundings. Picking up litter, walking dogs from the shelter, or helping to refurbish a playground may not seem like an appealing way to spend a weekend, but it can do wonders to get you feeling like you belong. This feeling of connection can be the cure for loneliness. Since you are finding fulfillment outside of the relationship, you could ask less from your partner.

11. Stay Physically Connected

When some people feel lonely, they isolate more and withdraw from physical or emotional closeness. This reaction only worsens loneliness. Choose to go in the opposite direction by making more time to physically connect to your partner. Sex may be important, but other physical expressions of love and intimacy are essential. Hugs, hand-holding, public displays of affection, and other acts of love can combat loneliness.

Final Thoughts

Loneliness in relationships happens for many reasons. Being willing to be honest with yourself about why you are feeling sad and lonely is the first step in fixing it. Once you have identified why you feel this way, you can take the steps to correct it. It requires work, but in the end, you will find yourself living a more fulfilled life with your partner once it’s addressed.

choosingtherapy.com - What to Do When You're Feeling Alone in a Relationship

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