Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Andrea Piacquadio
Whether a woman feels neglected, ignored, disrespected, or unappreciated, women most often leave when they no longer feel loved. Women crave connection, but they don't always know how to ask for what they want or what they think is lacking. Sometimes there's even a bit of self-righteousness involved.
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Read More »4 Reasons Women Leave and How to Avoid Being the Man She Left Women file for divorce twice as often as men, according to research Photo by Vera Arsic from Pexels One of the largest studies on divorce, conducted by law professor Margaret Brinig and economist Douglas Allen, found that women file for divorce twice as often as men do. Even in my experience with pre-marital relationships, females seem to do the most breaking up there too. That doesn’t mean women are unwilling to try fixing what’s broken before giving up. In fact, women are more likely to invest in tools that could improve the relationship, such as self-help books, counseling, and couples therapy. This is probably why women are also cited to move on more quickly after a breakup. They’ve likely given the relationship their best try before deciding to leave. A study conducted by Professor Robin Simon for the Journal of Health and Social Behavior found that men suffer the most from breakups. While women are more apt to talk to friends and family about their breakup, which helps them cope, men are more likely to keep their emotions inside. This can have negative effects on their mental health and lead to harmful behaviors. If you’ve ever felt like you’ve been left unexpectedly, it’s possible that you didn’t know what to look out for. Here are four reasons why women leave along with ways you can prevent it from happening. Reason #1: She craves connection but she doesn’t know how to ask for it It might be important to first note why humans seek out relationships, to begin with. According to Charles T. Hill, Professor of Social Psychology at Whittier College, people enter intimate relationships to fulfill social needs, cognitive and aesthetic needs, and for survival. In plain terms, our basic needs include support — whether it be financial or emotional support, or both— security, and love. Whether a woman feels neglected, ignored, disrespected, or unappreciated, women most often leave when they no longer feel loved. Women crave connection, but they don’t always know how to ask for what they want or what they think is lacking. Sometimes there’s even a bit of self-righteousness involved. “If my husband really loved me, I wouldn’t have to ask for his love or attention.” Unfortunately, this mindset doesn’t accomplish much, and the lack of communication often triggers larger, somewhat petty arguments and disagreements. Solution: Express your love based on your partner’s individual needs and expectations We all expect and accept love differently. Actions and behaviors that satisfy you in a relationship may not be important to your partner. Understanding your partner’s expectations and personal needs is essential when mending a broken relationship. Do you know your partner’s love language? American author and radio talk show host, Gary Chapman outlined the five love languages in a book published back in 1992 which has received more recent recognition and exposure. The five languages, associated with the way in which we give and receive love, include words of affirmation, quality time, gift-giving, acts of service, and physical touch. If you don’t already know your partner’s love language, it might be helpful to ask. Initiating this conversation will help show that you genuinely care about your partner’s needs and are eager to improve the quality of your relationship. Remember that the way we give and hope to receive love isn’t always the same. For example, physical touch is at the top of my list for how I most naturally show my admiration. However, I need a partner who will offer me quality time more than physical affection. As corny as these languages might seem, there’s a lot of truth in them. It’s easy to feel flustered and overwhelmed when your relationship starts to fail. Keeping these five languages in mind helps compartmentalize the aspects of your relationship that need the most work. Reason #2: She attempted to fix the relationship as many times as she was willing We all have a breaking point. It’s possible that your partner has already reached hers, which is why she’s leaving. If you feel blindsided by the breakup, she may not have known how to effectively communicate, or else she didn’t feel like you were listening. We now know that women are typically more likely to examine and pinpoint existing problems. Because of this, women can be blamed for being unappreciative of their partner’s preexisting efforts. They’re often accused of having unrealistic expectations. Men sometimes feel like they’re taken for granted, which leads them to resent their partners for their dissatisfaction. When both partners believe they’re right and the other person is wrong, salvaging the relationship becomes nearly impossible. If she wants things to change and you want her to accept them as they are, that’s a problem. Solution: Listen, be flexible, and eager to change If your partner suggests changes she’d like to see, remember that she’s likely doing so in an effort to improve or fix the relationship. It won’t be productive if you treat her like she’s complaining or nagging you. If you want to make things work, you have to listen with an open mind. When neither partner is willing to communicate, nothing will ever change. If you want to save your relationship, you have to accept the fact that things aren’t perfect. If they were, you wouldn’t be on the verge of breaking up. While it’s easier to ignore the obvious issues, sugarcoating doesn’t solve anything. Things have to change, including you (and her). We all need to take responsibility for the part we play in our relationships. 3 Reasons Why Your Failing Relationship Might Be Your Fault If you want to fix your problems, own them. medium.com This doesn’t mean she’s always right; however, she’ll be more likely to admit her own flaws, if you do too. Effective communication is key and will prevent resentment from building to a breaking point. When you bottle up your emotions, you can sabotage your own well-being. Men often regret not expressing themselves enough during a bad breakup. Communicating will not only show her that you’re making an effort; it will give you peace of mind that you tried your best. She’ll also appreciate your honesty and concern. Even if you don’t totally agree, trying will make her more likely to consider your point of view, as well. Worst-case scenario, you agree to disagree.
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Read More »Reason #3: She has a stronger support group that can help her cope through the breakup Studies show that women not only have more close friends than men but are more likely to keep them over a lifetime. This is helpful for both the women who are in dysfunctional relationships and those who just got themselves out. When a female discusses her concerns about her relationship with friends, good friends will not only listen, but they’ll also lend advice when it is warranted. This might boost a woman’s confidence to the point where she finally feels courageous and externally supported enough to leave. Once out, these external bonds will help her get through and cope with her decision. The end of a relationship often affects men more intensely than women because they are less likely to talk openly about it. This is why having a strong support system is so important, even when you’re in a relationship. Solution: Learn how to communicate effectively outside of your relationship to build your own support group Practicing communication outside of your relationship can benefit you in a number of ways. Firstly, it will allow you to unravel some of your pent-up aggression or suppressed emotions in regard to your partner and your situation. Expressing these thoughts and opinions will allow you to better understand them and find a solution more easily. Building strong bonds outside of your marriage or relationship will provide you with a solid foundation, self-purpose, and a good support team that could help you mend your failing relationship, or else cope through an irreparable breakup. Talking to people outside of your relationship might also help you see the other side more clearly. If you refuse to meet your partner halfway or put yourself in their shoes, you might have a difficult time making amends. It’s possible that your partner isn’t the problem; it’s your pride. Having friends to speak openly with will make communicating come more naturally. You won’t have to feel nervous or dread talking to your significant other. After all, you want her to talk to you about her concerns first and foremost. If she feels like she can’t talk to you and turns to her friends instead, their advice might be to break up with you. And you don’t want that. Having your own support system will help you sort through your feelings before hashing things out together. Spending time with these people will also give you both a bit of space that you might be needing. Friends will also help you deal with a potential breakup in a healthier manner. Reason #4: She cheated and can’t face the guilt Studies have found that, unlike previous generations, women and men cheat at approximately the same rates. Using another person to transition out of a bad relationship is a common reason why both men and women cheat and eventually leave their partners. Some do it consciously; others don’t realize they’re looking for an escape until they’re already out of the relationship. In my personal experience, I’ve found that men are less likely to admit to cheating, and more likely to stay in the relationship after they cheat. Women, on the other hand, tend to confess more often and/or end the relationship out of guilt, or to avoid owning up to their mistakes. It’s possible that leaving you might be a way to escape the guilt of her infidelity. Neglect plays a large part in why some women are unfaithful. Studies show that while men are more likely to cheat purely for sex, women are likely looking to fill an emotional void. If and when a woman cheats, it tends to mean that she’s unhappy in her relationship. In fact, Rutgers University biological anthropologist, Helen Fisher found that while only 34% of women who had affairs were happy in their marriage, a larger 56% of men were happy when they cheated. Other, less common, reasons why women cheat, include: Revenge The thrill of sexual novelty Lack of self-esteem Boredom Sexual addiction Genetics My Best Friend Blamed Her Infidelity on Genetics — and It Helped Fix Her Relationship psiloveyou.xyz Solution: Prioritize your sex life and don’t be afraid to voice your concerns or suggestions for improvement Effective communication increases emotional intimacy, which will inevitably lead to better sex. Even in long-term relationships or marriages, it can be helpful to remind each other about what you find pleasurable. Explore different positions or roles. Don’t be afraid to ask for something new. Don’t be ashamed. Sex can make people feel vulnerable and is often portrayed as a shameful or taboo topic. Feeling closer to your partner will allow you to let go during sex and eliminate any remnants of guilt.
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