Infatuation Rules
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What is Zombieing in texting?

Zombies are people who ghost you, and then, after some time has passed, rise from the dead to hit you up again. This can come in the form of a text, DM, phone call, or simply matching on another dating app and sending the first message.

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It’s 10 p.m. on a Sunday night (…or maybe it’s Saturday? It’s okay, no one knows what day it is anymore). You just finished off a glass of wine and changed from your daytime sweats into your nighttime sweats. As you’re flipping through Netflix, scrolling past Tiger King in all its glorious stupor, you hear a ding from your phone. You think it could be a text from that cute Hinge dude you were talking to earlier, but nope. It’s Do Not Text. “How’s your quarantine?” he asks. And before you go on your tirade about making loaves of banana swirl bread and sourdough, you remember this dude took you on eight dates, left a toothbrush in your bathroom, ran you to the emergency room when you broke your wrist…and then ghosted you. And, ha, would you look at that: He’s reaching back out again. Sound familiar? Allow me to introduce to you what I like to call a zombie.

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This content is imported from poll. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site. Zombies are people who ghost you, and then, after some time has passed, rise from the dead to hit you up again. This can come in the form of a text, DM, phone call, or simply matching on another dating app and sending the first message. And now that we’re in the midst of a global pandemic (…which has confined us all indoors with nothing but our own thoughts to keep us awake at night), zombies are popping out of their coffins more than ever.

Let’s break down this dating trend if you can totally relate.

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How is zombie-ing different than ghosting?

Ghosting is when someone vanishes and you never hear from them. A true ghost will never reach out to you again in any form. If they do, then congrats: Your ghost has just upgraded themselves into a zombie.

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How is zombie-ing different than breadcrumbing?

Breadcrumbing is a flirty way of getting someone’s attention, without directly reaching out or putting in any actual effort. Breadcrumbing could come in the form of Liking your posts or watching all your Insta Stories—maybe with an emoji reaction once in a while but never initiating any sort of hangout or conversation. If they do, that’s zombie territory.

Should you give your zombie a second chance?

“You have to be careful if you’re going to date a zombie,” says Jane Greer, PhD, family and marriage therapist. “It’s essential to have very clear plans in place for connecting, when you’re going to be spending time, and how often you’ll text.” If you find yourself face-to-face with a zombie, there are some tips and tricks on whether you should let them actually resurrect from the dead:

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1. Consider Your Standards

Donna Sozio, author of , urges women not to accept shitty behavior as the new normal. Just because zombie-ing is a thing doesn’t mean we have to be okay with it because, news flash, it’s not okay. If you’re really hurt by this behavior, no need to take them back if it’s going to cause trust issues down the road.

2. Ask Yourself if You’re Feeling Secure

Listen, you don’t need to be validated by anyone but yourself. If you’re feeling insecure and in need of someone’s presence because, hi, cuffing season, you’re probably going to be more likely to give a zombie another shot when you probably shouldn’t. “But if you create your own sense of security and not look for it in others, then no matter what happens with them, you’ll be just fine,” says Sozio. This content is imported from poll. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

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3. Don’t Ignore the Red Flags

Besides the whole ghosting thing, were there other red flags you were ignoring? Because the most likely answer is yes. “Dating is when most people are on their best behavior, so if someone is ghosting or zombie-ing you in the dating phase, you better believe that’s just the tip of the problems that could arise,” says dating coach Camille Virginia, author of The Offline Dating Method: How to Attract a Great Guy in the Real World.

4. Was There an Apology?

If there’s a legitimate reason someone ghosted, then okay, yes, maybe it’s fine to forgive. But only if they dish out a sincere apology—yes, literally the words: “I’m sorry.” “If there’s an actual sincere apology attached—not just a lame blanket excuse like ‘Work got busy,’ I’d say forgive, forget, and give it another whirl,” says Sozio. Also, work is always busy—that’s why it’s called work. No excuses. I think the bottom line here is that ghosting, zombie-ing, or whatever cute dating term we’re using to excuse bad behavior boils down to one common thing: lack of respect. If someone is straight-up ignoring you or not treating you right, especially in the beginning stages of dating, that’s 9 times out of 10 not going to change. So keep your ghosts and zombies out of your dating life, but definitely still use them as Halloween costumes.

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