The yellow rock method is a spin on the gray rock method. It involves adding some niceties to gray rock communication. Its name comes from the idea that a yellow rock appears friendlier, warmer and more inviting than a gray rock.
Even when a marriage ends amicably, a co-parenting relationship can be complicated. Misunderstandings, resentments, and conflicts can arise even when both parents have the best intentions for their children and wish to exist peacefully. If you're co-parenting with a narcissist, the situation can become even more stressful and challenging due to your ex-partner’s harmful traits and behaviors. Whether you're in the midst of a high-conflict divorce or following family court orders, the yellow rock method may make communicating with a narcissist easier and help you to present in the best possible light for court.
What Is the Gray Rock Method?
The gray rock method is a form of communication designed to help a person interact with a narcissist. It gets its name from the idea that a gray rock blends in with its surroundings and doesn't stand out. This type of communication aims to make the narcissist bored, so they want to move on from trying to inundate and control your life. Some cornerstones of gray rock communication include:
Only communicating in writing via text, email, or a co-parenting app like TalkingParents or OurFamilyWizard
Providing only short answers that relate to logistics
Not allowing any emotion to come through in your messages
Reminding the narcissist about the court judgment or deferring to the parenting plan
Shutting down disagreements by saying things like, "Your failure to comply with the court order has been noted," and then refusing to engage further.
The gray rock method of communication makes it difficult for the narcissist to stir up conflict and gives them little to use against you during divorce proceedings. When the narcissist realizes they will not be able to provoke or manipulate you, they may become uninterested and turn their attention elsewhere.
While the Gray rock method of communication is ideal whenever one is forced to communicate with a narcissist, it can have devastating effects on the healthy parent in the family court system. When a family court judge or family court professional reads grey rock communication, the writer is portrayed as rigid, angry and bitter.
What Is the Yellow Rock Method?
Remember that practice makes perfect and learning how to communicate with a narcissist in a court-approved fashion is like learning a foreign language and its like navigating a foreign culture.
The yellow rock method is a spin on the gray rock method. It involves adding some niceties to gray rock communication. Its name comes from the idea that a yellow rock appears friendlier, warmer and more inviting than a gray rock. However, it is still ultimately gray rock and unlikely to hold a narcissist's interest for a prolonged period.
With yellow rock communication, the healthy parent is able to be authentic to who they are and this shows through in the communication. It is important to keep in mind that everything written is done under the assumption that a judge or other family court professional will be reading the communication. By showcasing a reasonable, courteous style of communication, one presents better in the eyes of the family court system.
How To Communicate with a Narcissist with the Yellow Rock Method
What is a healthy pace for a relationship?
1) Comfortable Pace: The relationship is moving at a pace that both partners feel good about. This includes touching and having sex as well as...
Just say, "I need to know that you care about me," or "I want reassurance." You can also ask for something more specific, such as, "I'd like to hear you say that you love me a few times a week." Don't expect your partner to read your mind or automatically know how to meet your requests.
This article was co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW . Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR). This article has been viewed 240,796 times.
Article Summary
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If you’re having problems in your relationship but you want to try to prevent a breakup, ask your partner if the two of you can talk, and let them know you'd like more time to work out your relationship problems. For example, you could say something like, "I have a feeling you're getting ready to break up with me. Can you please give us some time to try to work things out? Can we give it 1 more month?". Then, after you talk, take a few days for both of you to reflect on the issues you’re dealing with. After a few days, come back together and talk about how you can resolve those issues. However, if the problems seem too big for you both to handle, consider going to couples counseling to improve your communication and conflict resolution skills. For advice from our co-author, like how to strengthen your bond with your partner, keep reading.
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