Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: SHVETS production
There are five main causes of conflict: information conflicts, values conflicts, interest conflicts, relationship conflicts, and structural conflicts. Information conflicts arise when people have different or insufficient information, or disagree over what data is relevant.
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Read More »There are five main causes of conflict: information conflicts, values conflicts, interest conflicts, relationship conflicts, and structural conflicts. Information conflicts arise when people have different or insufficient information, or disagree over what data is relevant. Allowing sufficient time to be heard, in a respectful environment facilitated by a neutral person can allow parties to clear up information disparities. Values conflicts are created when people have perceived or actual incompatible belief systems. Where a person or group tries to impose its values on others or claims exclusive right to a set of values, disputes arise. While values may be non-negotiable, they can be discussed and people can learn to live peacefully and coherently alongside each other. Interest conflicts are caused by competition over perceived or actual incompatible needs. Such conflicts may occur over issues of money, resources, or time. Parties often mistakenly believe that in order to satisfy their own needs, those of their opponent must be sacrificed. A mediator can help identify ways to dovetail interests and create opportunities for mutual gain. Relationship conflicts occur when there are misperceptions, strong negative emotions, or poor communication. One person may distrust the other and believe that the other person’s actions are motivated by malice or an intent to harm the other. Relationship conflicts may be addressed by allowing each person uninterrupted time to talk through the issues and respond to the other person’s concerns. Structural conflicts are caused by oppressive behaviors exerted on others. Limited resources or opportunity as well as organization structures often promote conflict behavior. The parties may well benefit from mediation since the forum will help neutralize the power imbalance. Regardless of the cause of conflict, an experienced mediator can help parties shift their focus from fighting to resolution. Since they are necessarily unbiased, neutrals create an environment where parties can trust the process and work toward a solution.
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Read More »He is no longer affectionate with you, physically or verbally. He no longer makes sweet or romantic gestures toward you. He doesn't say "I love you" anymore. He still says "I love you," but something about it feels hollow or forced, like he's just going through the motions.
If your husband says he is not in love with you, it's important to critically consider what you want to do and how you want to move forward. Importantly, the marriage doesn't have to be over if your husband is willing to work through this with you and wants to find ways to fall in love all over again. According to Henry, it's about recognizing the difference between being in love and loving someone. "Being in love doesn't equate to whether you love someone or not. I think being in love can be an ebb and flow, whereas loving someone should be more constant," she explains. "The marriage doesn't have to be over because feelings have changed. I think it's unrealistic to expect that the intensity or level of feeling will be the same over time because circumstances can have negative impacts on the relationship." Perhaps something has pulled you and your husband apart. But if you're both still committed to working on the relationship, it's possible to bounce back. On the flip side, if your husband knows his feelings won't change again—or he isn't willing to put in the effort to see—then it may be time to consider divorce. It's also worth noting—because many people may wonder—if your husband says he isn't in love with you anymore, Henry says it doesn't necessarily mean it's because he's in love with another person. There are many reasons people fall out of love, and most often it has to do with people simply growing apart. "Maybe he's going through a transition, or maybe you've changed without realizing it," she says. "In a marriage, partners need to communicate frequently because they are individual people growing at different rates."
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