What is the purest form of intimacy?

To appear to someone naked is the truest and purest form of intimacy. Nakedness in this sense does not mean without clothes. It means that an individual is able to share their inner most thoughts and feelings without fear. This type of intimacy is not possible if individuals lack self awareness.

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Carla Burgos

Couples struggle to build intimacy in their relationships that is meaningful and intentional. I believe intimacy is not a superficial act; it is a genuine decision to share personal and sacred parts of you with someone else. Building intimacy in a marriage or partnership takes commitment and hard work. It does not matter if the relationships are heterosexual or same sex — sharing is an intentional act. Relationships that lack intimacies are stagnate. They do not grow, they are simply two people choosing to share physical space. Couples that have strong levels intimacy are self aware — they know who they are and what they need to survive. They experience harmony in their relationships and homes. Mates in high level intimate relationships set their fears aside and intentionally share with their mate. Couples that enjoy high levels of intimacy share a bond that transcends time and space.

Self awareness: Know thy self

Self awareness helps an individual determine what they are able to share in relationships and what an individual needs from relationships. To appear to someone naked is the truest and purest form of intimacy. Nakedness in this sense does not mean without clothes. It means that an individual is able to share their inner most thoughts and feelings without fear. This type of intimacy is not possible if individuals lack self awareness. A self aware individual is aware of their inner strengths, struggles and fears. For example, an individual that has experienced hurts or disappointment in previous relationships may fear that they will experience those hurts again. A self aware individual recognizes these defeating behaviors and works to overcome fears associated with past hurts and disappointments. An unaware individual is unable to identify behaviors that may prevent intimacy in relationships. And there are also self aware individuals who refuse to reconcile with themselves to develop intimate relationships with others. A self aware individual understands inner struggles and fear prevent nakedness in relationships. A self aware person develops strategies to defeat inner struggles and overcome fear to better share and receive in intimate relationships.

Value trust in your relationship

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Trust, along with love, should be the foundation of a marriage or partnership. Trust can be destroyed by a mate’s betrayal, financial decisions, and strong differences or outside intrusions. Building trust in a relationship is similar to extending help to someone trapped in a well. The rope is extended to deeper depths to pull the person out of the well. When the rope finally reaches the trapped person they hold on to it tightly, praying as the rescuer works to pull them out of the well. The victim’s trust is placed in the rescuer and the strength of the rope. The rescuer and the trapped victim experience intimacy as they work to free the victim. Trust extended in relationships leaves the extender of that trust vulnerable. The extender hopes their trust is not betrayed. Trust destroyed cannot easily be rebuilt. If that rope of trust breaks, the rescuer and the victim experience emotional harm that may destroy relationships. Intimacy and trust belong together — you cannot have one without the other. Value the trust in your relationship by being mindful of your mate’s vulnerability.

Respecting boundaries encourages intimacy

Boundaries in relationships are important; they help build mutual trust and respect. Marriages and partnerships are not without boundaries. Boundaries in relationships can be simple or complex. For example, a simple boundary is, please avoid using my eyeglasses, the frames are specifically fitted for my face. A complex boundary is, I am uncomfortable when you refer to others as honey or sweetie, and I feel unimportant when you do this. It takes hard work and a high level of commitment to develop nakedness/intimacy relationships. It is especially difficult when the thoughts and feelings of others are not respected. Even the self aware individual faces difficulties in sharing with a spouse or partner that does not respect clear boundaries. Respecting your spouse or partner’s boundaries creates a sense of security. Feeling secure in relationships creates opportunities to share and build intimacy. Put into practice respecting boundaries set out by your spouse or partner. Make sure that they feel important daily. In time they will trust you enough to share their inner most thoughts and feelings.

Intentionally sharing removes fear component

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Sharing parts of you helps to build intimacy in relationships. It is just not enough to share details about the events of the day. . Intentional sharing is the act of sharing private inner thoughts and feelings with a spouse or partner. A friend of mind was in over her head, her marriage and their finances were in trouble. My friend had to tell her husband she had mishandled the family finances. She was afraid if she did not share this with her husband they would lose everything. Prior to my friend making the decision to tell her husband about their financial troubles, she had no sense of her own self awareness. She took courage and shared her inner most thoughts and feelings with her husband. She told me it was the most liberating feeling, a feeling that can only be found in sharing the truth. My friend’s husband loved her unconditionally, he told her they would make things right together. Intentionally sharing saved my friend’s marriage and their finances.

Enjoying intimacy in relationships involves you

Intimacy in marriages and partnerships is liberating and it allows couples to focus on individual and partnered growth. Identify if some part of you is preventing the intimacy you seek in your relationship. Discuss with your partner the importance of establishing boundaries in your relationship. You and your mate will need to commitment to the hard work that lies ahead and you will also need time work through the emotions that prevent nakedness. Be available to reassure one another that the two of you will travel the journey towards intimacy together. Carla Burgos is a children’s advocate and child welfare expert with a masters in jurisprudence and children’s law and policy.

shreveporttimes.com - Intimacy in your relationship starts with you - Shreveport Times

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