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What is the number one killer of marriages?

Killer #1: Over Familiarity This is the most common killer and is present in every single marriage that is not doing well. It is present even when couples think, "everything is fine."

themarriagefoundation.org - The 3 Killers Of Marriage

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The Three Killers Of Marriage

Everyone in a troubled marriage has a complex story as to how their current situation developed. And yet, as we have seen by working with countless couples, all problems in marriage stem from the same underlying mistakes. Fortunately there aren't many of them and once you learn about them, you'll be able to apply our tools to easily avoid them in the future.

Why marriages fail is not as complicated as many think.

Contrary to popular belief, many of the commonly believed marriage-ending-problems are not terminal at all. Issues such as watching porn, infidelity, financial issues, "falling out of love", and more are actually recoverable, when you understand what causes them and know how to rebuild from there. However there are three behaviors that are absolutely destructive to marriage, and as long as they continue to persist in your marriage, it will continue to degrade until your marriage ends, or you turn it around.

Killer #1: Over Familiarity

This is the most common killer and is present in every single marriage that is not doing well. It is present even when couples think, "everything is fine." It starts off very small and subtle, and grows unnoticed. However it is easy to identify by analyzing how you treat each other in your marriage. This killer alone can lead a couple to divorce and often does.

Over familiarity means taking each other for granted.

This usually happens when both individuals gradually start treating each other like siblings, or worse. Perhaps they expect their spouse to stay out of "their space", yet intrude into their spouse's space without hesitation; with criticisms or snide remarks. Or their speech and behavior becomes crude and disrespectful, yet they feel offended when treated that same way. Maybe you act as if you have the right to judge, criticize and berate your spouse, or they do the same. The easiest way to identify this misery causing killer is to compare how you behaved when you and your spouse were courting with how you behave now. You were probably respectful, appreciative, nice, and had some element of independence and privacy. If there is a difference to your current relationship, then you have become over familiar.

Killer #2: Poor Communication

Most people think they have a breakdown in communication when they feel unheard by their spouse, or their spouse is not doing what they think they should be doing. When their spouse doesn't appear to listen, they think their spouse needs classes in communication. Few consider their own failure to communicate. We all communicate differently depending on circumstances and relationships. You speak to your boss differently than you would to your neighbor, or a police officer. A big mistake many couples make is not realizing the way they communicate with their spouse is supposed to be unique, unlike any other venue of life. The particular needs of marital communication demand a special understanding in order to get the greatest amount of happiness from your marriage. Couples who speak to their spouses as they do with everyone else in their lives, especially combined with over familiarity, end up in a living hell.

Killer #3: Business Deal Mindset

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Can I borrow money from my Social Security?

All the cash you had received over the years from the SSA was like an interest-free loan from the government. That loophole was closed in 2010, so you can no longer "borrow" money from the SSA.

thebalancemoney.com - Borrowing Money From Social Security Interest-Free - The Balance

It was once possible to start collecting Social Security benefits at age 62, the earliest possible age, and later, at the age of 70, repay all the money you'd received from the Social Security Administration (SSA). You could then refile for benefits as if you'd never gotten a single check. Because you were older, the amount of your monthly check would be higher. All the cash you had received over the years from the SSA was like an interest-free loan from the government. That loophole was closed in 2010, so you can no longer "borrow" money from the SSA. If you file for benefits before age 70, you now have only 12 months after you start receiving payments to suspend them until a later date. If you do decide to suspend your benefits, you must still repay the money you have received.

File and Suspend for Married Couples

Another way of getting extra money from the SSA—this one involving married couples—was permitted for a few more years. Known as "file and suspend," this practice involved the higher-earning spouse applying for Social Security as soon as they reached their full retirement age (FRA). This also allowed their spouse to begin collecting spousal benefits, worth half of the filer's benefits.

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