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What is the highest form of trust?

Vulnerability-based trust is when you trust someone because they allow you to let your guard down, to be honest, to feel psychologically safe. While predictive-based trust is very important, Lencioni explains that vulnerability-based trust is the highest form of trust in a relationship.

mattnorman.com - Aspire to the Highest Form of Trust - Matt Norman

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Promotion

Aspire to the Highest Form of Trust

In his book “A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life,” Parker Palmer observes that human beings — especially in group settings — often behave like animals in the wild that remain in hiding and only allow themselves to be seen when it’s safe and worthwhile to take the risk. The only difference in the case of humans seeking safety is that the risks are social and emotional. Harvard Business School professor Amy Edmondson explains that psychological safety is “a belief that one will not be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, concerns or mistakes, and that the team is safe for interpersonal risk-taking.” In her research, she’s found that leaders and organizations tend to outperform their peers when they foster this type of psychological safety. That’s not surprising. It’s very difficult to build leadership influence with others if they are hiding “in the woods.” Satya Nadella found that to be true when he became CEO of Microsoft in 2014. The culture at Microsoft up to that time had fostered careful and cautious communication. Decisions tended to be made by those with positional or subject matter authority, and you didn’t want to be wrong. Since then, Microsoft has made a successful transition to cloud computing and substantially increased its market value. Nadella realized that this style of communication was impeding growth and innovation at the company, so he hired Carol Dweck to help him change the culture of Microsoft to being one where people can freely admit mistakes, don’t have to have the answer, and can relax in meetings knowing others accept them as they are. This mindset applied to all types of workplace communication, including when he publicly apologized for insensitive comments he made when he was interviewed about diversity and inclusion in the workplace at the Grace Hopper Celebration of Women in Computing. This willingness to publicly admit his mistake and open himself to the criticism of others sent an early signal that he could be trusted. In his book The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, leadership expert Patrick Lencioni says there are two forms of trust in a relationship: predictive-based trust and vulnerability-based trust.

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Promotion

Predictive-based trust is when you trust someone because they are reliable and competent. Vulnerability-based trust is when you trust someone because they allow you to let your guard down, to be honest, to feel psychologically safe. While predictive-based trust is very important, Lencioni explains that vulnerability-based trust is the highest form of trust in a relationship. Social psychologist and researcher Brene Brown adds, “In my most recent research on courage and leadership, the ability to embrace vulnerability emerged as the prerequisite…. If we can’t handle uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure in a way that aligns with our values and furthers our organizational goals, we can’t lead. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” What might you see or hear in a meeting or interaction with high levels of vulnerability-based trust? Statements like…

“Here’s what I really think.”

“I haven’t told anyone this yet, but…”

“Confidentially, this is what we’re thinking.”

“Let’s hear what others have to say about this.”

“What are your thoughts?”

“Our team can compromise on that for the good of the organization.”

“I volunteer to have that difficult conversation.”

“I feel anxious.”

“Here are some thoughts, but I’m interested in arriving at a decision together.”

“Let’s be curious, not defensive.”

“I take responsibility for that mistake.”

“That didn’t work, so let’s talk about what we learned from it.”

Saying things like this do, in fact, require courage. They require faith that others won’t abuse your transparency, hope that others will reciprocate, and confidence that you’ll be okay if not.