Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Marc Schulte
Here's each phase explained: Stage 1: Butterflies. Is anything better than that fluttery feeling you get when you're first falling for someone new? This kind of obsessive thinking about someone and the state of your relationship is "happy anxiety," according to eHarmony.
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Read More »In a romantic comedy, falling in love involves a bumbling heroine and dashing male lead wooing one another in less than two hours, sassy montage included. In real life, the process is much more complicated and actually consists of five separate stages ranging from butterflies to stability, according to research done by eHarmony U.K. "Shaped via a mixture of physical and emotional indicators, it's fascinating to note that this one core emotion can be broken down into such distinct stages. What's more, each stage may be relived and recaptured as couples grow into a relationship, and face different life challenges together," says eHarmony psychologist Linda Papadopoulos on the company's site. Here's each phase explained: Stage 1: Butterflies. Is anything better than that fluttery feeling you get when you're first falling for someone new? This kind of obsessive thinking about someone and the state of your relationship is "happy anxiety," according to eHarmony. You can't get the person out of your head, but even more than that, you're thinking about the image you're projecting as well because you want to win them over. Thank a surge of the hormones testosterone and estrogen for the lust overload that's signature to this phase. Stage 2: Building. Neurochemicals including dopamine and adrenaline can physically make your heart pound faster and create serotonin, also known as "the happiness chemical." You two feel like you're in your own little world and try to learn as much as you can about each other. This is the stage of filling in someone's "life CV," or resume, as we would say stateside. You're gathering the facts about this person to back up the feelings you have, and this is where meeting the important people in your new S.O.'s life comes in. Stage 3: Assimilation. Now you figure out if this person is a puzzle piece that can fit into your life. You're applying all the facts you've learned about them so far not just to your personality but to your entire way of living. Do you have clashing ideologies that will make it hard to last, or are your most important beliefs compatible? Do you have the same boundaries? Is this really the right relationship for you? This stage is crucial for evaluating if you two can make it past infatuation and really go the distance.
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This article was co-authored by Eddy Baller and by wikiHow staff writer, Jessica Gibson . Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others. This article has been viewed 513,556 times.
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