What is the color of disappointment?

The blue quadrant is for unpleasant, low energy feelings like disappointment, sadness, discouragement, hopelessness, and loneliness.

marcbrackett.com - The Colors of Our Emotions | Marc Brackett, Ph.D.

What is a dragon in polyamory?

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How do you know it's time to break up?

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Promotion

How are you feeling? As described in my book, Permission to Feel, given that it’s something we’re asked so often, this question should be easy to answer. But for many, it can be difficult, depending on how honest we intend to be when we answer and how aware we are of our feelings.

This time, as I ask you this question, I’d like you to pause—to stop what you’re doing, and ask yourself: In this precise moment, what exactly am I feeling? How pleasant or unpleasant do I feel? How much energy do I have? What’s the best word to describe how I feel right now?

When we ask these questions in our RULER trainings, we often hear that this is not an easy set of questions to answer. Either people are not able to get in touch with how they feel or they are unable to find the words to describe their feelings. One thing we’ve found that helps is to think of our emotions more concretely—as something we can visualize on a graph and in full color. The tool we use to do this is the Mood Meter. The Mood Meter, based on the circumplex model of affect, defines emotions as having two dimensions, pleasantness and energy. On the Mood Meter, the horizontal or x-axis is pleasantness: our subjective, private mental experience. It represents how pleasant or unpleasant we feel, from -5, the most unpleasant we have ever felt, to neutral in the middle, all the way to +5, the most pleasant we have ever felt. The y-axis is energy: how much physical energy is running through our bodies. The vertical or y-axis goes from -5, extremely low energy, to neutral in the middle, all the way to +5, the most energetic we’ve ever felt. The two axes cross to form four quadrants, and each has a color. The red quadrant is for unpleasant, high energy emotions, feelings like anxiety, rage, frustration, anger, and fear. The blue quadrant is for unpleasant, low energy feelings like disappointment, sadness, discouragement, hopelessness, and loneliness. The green quadrant is for pleasant, low energy feelings like calm, relaxation, serenity, contentment, and balance. The yellow quadrant is for pleasant, high energy feelings like joy, excitement, enthusiasm, elation, and empowerment. We can use the Mood Meter as a guide to be more scientific about our emotions and to ask questions related to each of the skills of emotional intelligence:

Recognizing: Where are you on the Mood Meter? How pleasant do you feel from -5 to +5? How much energy from -5 to +5 is running through your body? (Use your two numbers to plot yourself, starting by moving left or right from the center of the Mood Meter with your number for pleasantness, and then going up or down from there with the number to represent your energy level.) Understanding: What caused you to feel this way? Think about what may have happened to make you feel pleasant or unpleasant, energetic or low in energy. Labeling: What word best describes your feeling? Is there a word that gets at both your levels of pleasantness and energy and what may have gotten you there? Expressing: How are you showing this feeling to the world? What about your face, body, voice, and actions align with how you are feeling? Is the way you’re expressing your feeling helpful for the situation you are in? Regulating: What strategy will you use to feel more, less, or the same of what you are feeling? Is your current feeling helpful? If so, what will you do to continue feeling that way or to intensify that feeling? If not, what could you do to feel less of the feeling or to shift to feeling something different?

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Promotion

(We’ve also developed the Mood Meter App so you can track your emotions across time.) Earlier this month, I presented a challenge: for all of us to strive to be more scientific about our emotions. And I want to know: how’s it going? Where have you been “living” on the Mood Meter? How are you handling your feelings? (If you’re willing to share, please leave a comment on this post. I’d love to hear!) As for me, one thing I’ve been doing more and more is examining my emotions and moods just before I make important transitions each day, like when I’m entering our Center in the morning, before an important meeting where I need to make a critical decision, or before I get home at night. If you haven’t already, give it a try. Use the Mood Meter to go through the questions above, and let me know how it goes.