What is the 60 40 rule in relationships?

What Is The 60/40 Rule In Relationships? You see, most people think a good relationship is a 50/50 proposition. If, however, both partners instead focus on giving 60% and taking just 40%, the relationship has an overwhelming chance of being successful. Think of this as the “golden rule” of relationships.

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We all want a happy, loving, and successful relationship.

So, what does it take to create one?

There are a lot of factors (like respect, communication, shared values and interests, forgiveness, etc) that contribute to a healthy relationship. However, there’s an all-inclusive “short-cut” you can take to get there too. It’s a simple concept called the “60/40” rule. But don’t mistake simplicity for effectiveness. This works if you faithfully adhere to it.

What Is The 60/40 Rule In Relationships?

You see, most people think a good relationship is a 50/50 proposition.

If, however, both partners instead focus on giving 60% and taking just 40%, the relationship has an overwhelming chance of being successful. Think of this as the “golden rule” of relationships. You get out what you put in. One of best things you can do is learn your partner’s “love language” and then focus on filling that need every day. This is an idea based on a book called “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. Here’s a quick reference guide from the book, though it’s worth reading in full: You might find that your love language and your partner’s love language are different, and in a 50/50 relationship this can cause a major problem. You might be giving love the way you want to receive it, but you need to take the time and effort to find out how your partner feels most love. If you put in the extra effort (the metaphorical 60%) to give your partner love on their terms, and your partner does the same to give you love on your terms, the relationship will most likely thrive! If you would like more information on creating and cultivating a successful relationship, please contact our office at amanda.itzkoff@gmail.com. If you feel you could use additional help, please contact our office at 917-609-4990 to arrange a consultation.

Be Well,

Dr. Amanda Itzkoff

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The second stage of a relationship is Doubt and Denial, in which we finally start to actually notice the differences between us and our partners. We wake up from the trance of infatuation with a thump, finding that the same qualities that once seemed so perfect have begun to annoy us. (His reliability now feels rigid; her generosity seems irresponsible; their adventurous nature feels like unnecessary risk.) And unfortunately, friction is natural once we run up against each other's differences. Power struggles increase, and we marvel at the change in our partner. Feelings of love mix with alienation and irritation. Perhaps we're not "perfect" for each other after all. As our disappointment escalates, so do our biological responses to stress. Depending on our personality and circumstances, we may want to fight or to withdraw. For example, you may feel the need to fight to defend your values, which may actually translate into the desire to have everything your own way. It makes little sense to expect another person to be just like we are, and yet, at some level, many of us do tend to ask, "Why aren't you like me?"

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