Infatuation Rules
Photo: cottonbro studio
The decision to get married or to move in with a partner is a personal one, but for most married and cohabiting adults, love and companionship trump other considerations, such as the desire to have children someday, convenience or finances.
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Read More »The decision to get married or to move in with a partner is a personal one, but for most married and cohabiting adults, love and companionship trump other considerations, such as the desire to have children someday, convenience or finances. For a majority of those who are married – especially if they didn’t live with their spouse before marriage –wanting to make a formal commitment is also a major factor in their decision to marry. Among married adults who lived with their spouse before getting married and who were not engaged when they moved in together, about two-thirds say they thought of living together as a step toward marriage; 44% of adults who are currently living with a partner and were not engaged when they first started doing so say they thought of it that way when they moved in together. About four-in-ten cohabiters who are not engaged say they want to get married someday, and 58% in this group say they are very likely to marry their current partner. When asked why they are not currently engaged or married to their partner, many cite financial reasons. About four-in-ten cohabiting adults cite finances and convenience as major reasons why they moved in with their partner Among married and cohabiting adults, love is cited more than any other reason for why they decided to get married or to move in with their partner: 90% of those who are married and 73% of those living with a partner say love was a major factor in their decision. Majorities in both groups also cite companionship as a major reason why they decided to get married (66%) or to move in with their partner (61%), and 63% of those who are married say they wanted to make a formal commitment. Making a formal commitment is seen as a more important factor by married adults who did not live with their spouse before marriage. Seven-in-ten in this group say making a formal commitment was a major reason why they decided to get married, compared with 57% of married adults who had already been living together. More practical reasons come into play to a greater degree for cohabiting adults than for those who are married. About four-in-ten cohabiting adults say moving in with their partner made sense financially (38% say this was a major reason why they decided to move in together) or that it was convenient (37%). Far smaller shares of married adults say these were major factors in their decision to get married (13% and 10%, respectively). In turn, married adults are about twice as likely as those living with a partner to say that the fact that they wanted to have children someday was a major reason why they decided to get married: 31% of those who are married say this, compared with 14% of cohabiters who cite wanting to have children as a major reason why they decided to move in with their partner. Among cohabiters, women are more likely than men to say love and wanting to have children someday were major reasons why they moved in with their partner. Eight-in-ten cohabiting women cite love as a major factor, compared with 63% of cohabiting men. And while 17% of women say wanting children in the future was a major factor in their decision to move in with their partner, 11% of men say the same. There are no notable gender differences among married adults. There are also some differences across educational groups among married and cohabiting adults. About half of cohabiters with a bachelor’s degree or more education say finances (48%) or convenience (50%) were major factors in their decision to move in with their partner, compared with about a third of those with less education (36% cite finances and 33% cite convenience as major reasons). About one-in-ten cohabiters with some college or less education (13%) say a major reason for moving in together was that they or their partner were pregnant; just 4% of those with a bachelor’s degree or more education say the same. Among married adults, those with a bachelor’s degree or more education are more likely than those with less education to cite companionship (74% vs. 62%), wanting to make a formal commitment (70% vs. 58%) and wanting to have children someday (39% vs. 27%) as major reasons why they decided to get married. For the most part, reasons for moving in together don’t vary considerably between cohabiters who are either engaged or in an otherwise very serious relationship and those who do not describe their relationship as very serious. But those who are engaged to their partner (78%) or who are not engaged but describe their relationship as very serious (83%) are far more likely than those who are in a less serious relationship (44%) to say love was a major factor in their decision to live with their partner. Cohabiters who are engaged (21%) or in a very serious relationship (15%) are also more likely than those who are not engaged and do not describe their relationship as very serious (7%) to say wanting to have children someday was an important part of their decision to move in with their partner. Overall, about a quarter of those who are living with a partner say they are engaged to be married (27%), while half are not engaged but describe their relationship as very serious; 23% of cohabiters are not engaged and do not describe their relationship as very serious.
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Read More »Relatively small shares of cohabiters who are not engaged say they feel pressure to marry their partner: about a quarter say they feel at least some pressure from family members (26%) or from society (26%), while even smaller shares say they feel pressure from their partner (17%) or from their friends (11%). Similar shares of engaged cohabiters who got engaged after moving in with their partner say they felt pressure to get married after they moved in together. Among non-engaged cohabiters in opposite-sex relationships, men (24%) are more likely than women (12%) to say they feel at least some pressure from their partner to get married.
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