Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Shane
The 80/20 relationship theory states that you can only get about 80% of your wants and needs from a healthy relationship, while the remaining 20% you need to provide for yourself. Sounds like the perfect excuse to treat yourself to a spa day. This idea of an 80/20 time split is nothing new.
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Read More »Aside from developing yourselves, space can multiply those feelings and make the heart grow fonder. You’ll have more experiences to share together, exciting news to impart, and things to laugh about from your time apart. Spending 24/7 together can mean the conversation is naturally going to run dry at some point, and resentment can start to grow if one person feels smothered and unable to pursue their own interests. We all love that feeling of being desperate to see our special someone because we can’t wait to talk to them, and having a little time apart now and then can give you back that excited rush you felt when you first started dating. As with any set of rules – who hasn’t had the annual family Monopoly argument at Christmas? – there are some discrepancies in how people interpret them. The part that divides people is on how some view the 20% of the time where you’re free to do what you fancy. Namely, whether you can do who you fancy. Having a little time apart now and then can give you back that excited rush you felt when you first started dating Some people believe the 20% freedom means that during that time you can get intimate with other people, but unlike an open relationship, this is only for that allocated period of time. If you're after this sort of 80/20 split, it requires a very high level of trust between two people. Before bringing this idea into your relationship, it's important to make sure everyone knows what's on the agenda – don't assume your partner will know you're looking to have some no-strings-attached action on the side. And remember, there are two sides to an equation. Your partner will be free to find their own 10/10 as well.
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Read More »Just remember we're all individuals, and what works for one couple might not for another. You and your partner might want to increase your "me time", and other reduce it. Problems might arise if one of you needs more solo time, and the other is missing being coupled up. If you're out of balance with each other, it might be that, unlike a proved theorem, your relationship may not last forever, unless you're open to talking to each other and finding a happy compromise. Keep in mind the 80/20 rule isn't an excuse to find flaws in your partner because they can't provide you with 100% of your happiness. No one is perfect, so if you're feeling like something is missing, enjoy some independence and know that finding ways to make yourself happy is a good thing. Would you want to risk losing someone who brings you 80% of your happiness, because you're hoping that someone else might be able to give you the 20% you're missing? I'm no mathematician, but something doesn't add up there. As with most things in life, rules are meant to be broke. Unless it's the rule of shotgun – that's not to be messed with. The common denominator in the 80.20 rule is that ensuring you spend quality time on yourself is more important than the proportion itself, which could work differently in every couple. There's no simple equation for true love, but the advice is to make sure you look after yourselves as individuals to make you even stronger as a couple. If you want to assess your life and what makes you happy, talking to a life coach can help you work through the problems and solve your happiness equation. A couples coach can help you work through issues and find that balance together.
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