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What is supply for a narcissist?

Narcissistic supply is a form of psychological addiction where the narcissist requires, and even demands, limitless special treatment, admiration, importance, or validation to feed their sense of entitlement and self-centeredness.

choosingtherapy.com - What Is Narcissistic Supply? - Choosing Therapy

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Why Do Narcissists Need Supply?

Narcissists seek out an endless supply of validation, attention, and praise to compensate for low self esteem, confidence, and a perceived lack of acceptance that’s often a result of early childhood trauma and attachment issues. Typically, the narcissist was not properly loved as a child. They use people as objects to obtain what was lacking in their childhood, feeding their supply. During childhood, their caregivers often ignored their emotional needs, never catering to their inner child. Their caregivers emotionally abandoned them, causing psychological damage that extends into adulthood. As a result, the narcissist uses other people and things to provide for their emotional needs, known as narcissistic supply. The primary function of narcissistic supply is to foster the ego, self-worth, confidence, and self-esteem. It also serves to define the boundaries in the relationship so the “False Self” remains intact. The False Self is developed to protect them from the world that is viewed as a hostile, unstable, unrewarding, unjust, and unpredictable place.1 This defense mechanism helps the narcissist feel a sense of security for a short period of time, but when the facade is broken, the narcissist collapses.

7 Methods That Narcissists Use to Gain Supply

There are many tactics that narcissists use in order to get their narcissistic supply. They may pretend to be an expert on something, emotionally manipulate others, or violate boundaries.

Here are seven examples of how narcissists get their supply:2

1. The Self-Proclaimed Expert

The narcissist may claim to be an expert or authority on any given subject. They frequently hog the conversation and will interrupt you as if you are not saying a word. They constantly marginalize, criticize, and invalidate others’ points of view in order to boost their own status as an expert.

2. The Dominant Controller, Judge, or Savior

Narcissists position themselves in personal or professional relationships to control through dominating, minimizing, and devaluing their target. This may even look like rescuing others to put the narcissists in a position as the “good Samaritan” or “dependable savior.” The narcissist thrives on the feelings of fully controlling and conquering others.

3. The Merit Badge Collector or Pedestal Seeker

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Some narcissists intentionally seek careers or positions where they can be regularly admired or respected. Generally, these positions are not sought out for the greater good but to simply feel superior, important, and special.

4. The Boundary Violator or Exploiter

Many narcissists do not relate to others—they use them. They use their charm, power of persuasion, or manipulation to force people to give into unreasonable, one-sided demands or to surrender their boundaries. The narcissist views this as winning and just another way to feed their ego.

5. The Grandiose Showboater or Peacock

In hopes of receiving praise, recognition, or favorable attention, grandiose narcissists will brag about important or famous people they know, show off, or boast about their status. They want people to envy them in order to feel better about themselves.

6. The Habitually Difficult or Negative

Even when it is unreasonable and unnecessary, some narcissists are deliberately and persistently difficult, uncooperative, or confrontational. There is a perceived power that comes from being disliked. This pattern of behavior confirms the narcissist’s inner self-loathing—that they do not deserve love, acceptance, or to be in a happy, healthy relationship.

7. The Living-Through-Others Faker or Wannabe

Some narcissists live through others in hopes of boosting their own low self-esteem or vicariously fulfilling their own unrealized fantasies and delusions. They bask in the reflected glory of those whom they take advantage of and exploit. The closer you are to the narcissist, the more likely you are to be used as a source of supply. To some people, this can be mistaken as the narcissist having strong feelings for you. This is not true. Deep down, they view themselves as flawed and unlovable. So, if you love them, you are flawed and the target of their punishment. Their self-hatred and shame is now transferred onto you. They choose you because you are just more easily manipulated or more accommodating to their needs. It’s not a badge of honor. Here are eight traits narcissists look for in someone to fill their need for supply:

choosingtherapy.com - What Is Narcissistic Supply? - Choosing Therapy

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