Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Ryanniel Masucol
Octo. Seductive Withholders (SW's) are people who can act very seductive one moment (implying they are available), and then very withholding the next. The shift is dramatic and comes at unexpected times.
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Read More »Seductive Withholders (SW’s) are people who can act very seductive one moment (implying they are available), and then very withholding the next. The shift is dramatic and comes at unexpected times. Every SW has his or her own style of seduction, but it usually quite persuasive and tied into your personal needs which is revealed early on while dating. The withholding can be anything from holding back affection, not returning phone calls, or seeing other people–in general, it means being unavailable. There are various explanations for why people withhold. With some, it is a matter of control. This is ego-driven. They like power over people and they do this by keeping them on the edge of their seats all the time. More common is the person who withholds because they are frightened of intimacy. When they are feeling needy and safe they get seductive. When they get too close and feel claustrophobic they withhold. A good book about this is by Carter and Sokul entitled “Men Who Can’t Love.” (The title is misleading. SW’s can love they just can’t get emotionally intimate.) SW’s are also people (as we discussed) who are on the rebound. They really can’t make up their mind. The people are not SW’s with everyone they meet–like the other type of SW mentioned above. If you want to avoid a SW then don’t fall in love before you have gotten to know someone.
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Read More »An emotional connection is a feeling of alignment and intimacy between two people that goes beyond just physical attraction, having fun together, surface-level conversations, or even intellectual similarities. Instead, it feels like you're connecting on a deeper soul level—and feel secure connecting that deeply.
An emotional connection is a feeling of alignment and intimacy between two people that goes beyond just physical attraction, having fun together, surface-level conversations, or even intellectual similarities. Instead, it feels like you're connecting on a deeper soul level—and feel secure connecting that deeply. "Just like children, adults need to feel a secure attachment to another adult," couples therapist Josie Rosario, LMSW, MSed, explains to mbg. "That means it's important for us to know that someone will be consistently available, especially in time of physical or emotional needs." Think of it this way: This type of connection imbues the relationship with emotional texture, adding an essential feeling of security that establishes a foundation for genuine intimacy to blossom. When we feel unsafe to let down our guard, the bond between couples can be superficial at best. "As humans, the need for emotional connection is wired into our survival," adds licensed psychologist Justine Grosso, Psy.D. "It helps us feel a greater sense of belonging, which facilitates general well-being."
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