What is Microcheating?

Micro cheating is the term used to describe behaviors that aren't traditionally considered true infidelity, but that have some features of infidelity, like dishonesty and secrecy while in a committed relationship.

choosingtherapy.com - What Is Micro Cheating? Examples, Signs, & How to Move Forward

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What Does Micro-Cheating Mean About Your Relationship?

Infidelity can happen for various reasons, and some may find it surprising that affairs occur in happy couples as well as miserable ones. Even though cheating is different in each relationship and situation, it usually stems from a lack of relationship satisfaction. Affairs–including micro cheating–can also be motivated by factors like low-self-esteem, laxed boundaries, poor relationship quality, and more.2,3,4,6

Some things micro-cheating might say about your relationship are:

Decreased personal commitment (by one or both partners) in the relationship

More permissive attitudes (by one or both partners) regarding cheating

Poorly defined boundaries

One or both partners are bored in the relationship or need for excitement

Low self-esteem from one or both partners

Lack of or problems with intimacy (like having a sexless marriage)

One or both partners feeling neglected

Lack of communication in a relationship

Lack of affection

What to Do If You’re Experiencing Micro Cheating

Micro cheating can strain relationships and everyone involved. In some instances, it could trigger infidelity PTSD and betrayal trauma for the injured partner. However, not everyone reacts the same, and not every relationship that experiences an affair is destined to fail. In fact, many couples willing to work through the aftermath can bounce back. If you’re experiencing micro cheating in your relationship, here are some ways to move forward:2,3,4,6

Resist the Urge to Overreact

Resist the urge to over-react and allow yourself and your partner some space. Reacting from a place of emotion can hurt you and your partner’s relationship. While this may be what you want in the moment, allowing yourself time to process your emotions and find out what youreally want can help you find the best path forward.

Plan Your Conversation

Having a plan can increase the chances of success. When you open the discussion, clearly convey your emotions, and solely focus on the micro cheating. Try to frame the conversation around how this has impacted you using “I” sentences–“I feel betrayed”–as opposed to “you” statements, like “You betrayed me.” Refrain from shaming, finger-pointing, or bringing up past struggles. Empathetically listen to your partner when they speak and be open to exploring the circumstances surrounding the micro cheating. If you’re the person who cheated, listen closely to your partner’s concerns, how they feel, and try to validate their emotions and avoid defending yourself or blaming them for the act of infidelity. Candidly express how you really feel and address uncomfortable emotions or factors that contributed to the micro cheating.

Set Healthy Relationship Boundaries

Talk about how you and your partner define micro cheating–and infidelity in general–to ensure you’re both on the same page. This helps you set healthy relationship boundaries around fidelity that both can mutually agree on and stick to. Although it’s normal for your feelings of jealousy and mistrust to pop up from time to time, avoid imposing boundaries based on those feelings, such as forcing them to let you snoop through their phone and social media.

Reconsider the Relationship

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If your partner isn’t receptive to how you feel, is unwilling to rebuild relationship trust, or simply does not want to make any concessions, it may be time to reconsider the relationship’s trajectory. As the person committing the infraction, they should be willing to meet you halfway. If you’re the person who cheated, consider how satisfied you are in your current relationship. Oftentimes, cheating in any form can be indicative of unhappiness in a relationship, so it is important that you do the work to figure out how you truly feel. You might need to create space between you and your partner to further explore your emotions.

When to Consider Couples Counseling or Therapy

If you and your partner have jointly decided to work things out, couples counselingcan be a great source of support. However, couples therapy is a process that takes time and dedication. As such, it’s important to find a marriage or couple’s therapist who is experienced in affair recovery and related issues. Couples counseling can provide a safety net to process underlying concerns connected to micro cheating and enable you to work through the reactions, feelings and hurdles brought on by this crisis. Entering couples therapy can stabilize the relationship in a manner that’s conducive for you and your partner to navigate complex emotions, redefine the future of the relationship, and develop the necessary skills to sustain a healthy partnership.8,9 In addition, individual therapy is generally recommended to complement couples counseling. Many people find that individual treatment provides them with a safe avenue to talk and delve into their emotions without feeling judged. Plus, it can assist everyone involved to gain insight into factors contributing to this transgression and facilitate emotional stability moving forward. One simple way to find a therapist is through an online directory.8,9

Final Thoughts

While micro cheating is ultimately defined by individuals in a relationship, it can undeniably be a disturbing form of infidelity for some couples. That is why it’s fundamental to talk about and establish healthy relationship boundaries, including clear conversations around infidelity and what counts. If you think micro cheating has occurred in your relationship, it is important that you process your emotions, establish healthy boundaries, and pursue the resources available to you, including professional counseling.

choosingtherapy.com - What Is Micro Cheating? Examples, Signs, & How to Move Forward

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