Infatuation Rules
Photo: Andrea Piacquadio
Intimacy is closeness between people in personal relationships. It's what builds over time as you connect with someone, grow to care about each other, and feel more and more comfortable during your time together. It can include physical or emotional closeness, or even a mix of the two.
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Read More »Intimacy usually doesn’t happen in a flash — it must be built You won’t wake up one morning and say, “We’re intimate now. Mission accomplished!” Intimacy is more like a quality that you continue to cultivate over time. The more time you spend sharing experiences and feelings, the more elements you have to work with to build intimacy. And it doesn’t always come easy You might feel some apprehension, or even fear, about building intimacy. That’s understandable, considering that intimacy requires you to be vulnerable and put faith in other people when there’s a chance they’ll let you down. If anyone has ever violated your trust, it can take a while to want to take a chance with them or anyone else again. But once you have it, it can have a tangible effect on your health So, why risk intimacy if there’s a chance of getting hurt? Well, intimacy comes with some health benefits that you simply can’t get any other way. Deep companionship helps you combat loneliness and feel like somebody “gets you.” It also helps your mental health, reducing your stress level as your feel-good hormones get a boost from touch like hugs and emotional release like laughter. In fact, intimacy can actually boost your immune system, lower your blood pressure, and reduce your risk for heart disease. It’s a key building block for a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life. How to overcome a fear of intimacy Share on Pinterest If you have a fear of intimacy, you’re not the only one. There are ways to overcome it. Here are some tips for how to deal with a fear of intimacy: Name what’s happening and identify your symptoms Your fear of intimacy may be obvious to you, but it’s also possible to be afraid of intimacy without even realizing it. You might avoid deep relationships or feel anxious about social situations for reasons that are unclear. Do you isolate yourself from other people? Have low self-esteem? Have a hard time staying present during sex? Avoid letting people get to know you? Once you can spot a pattern, identifying your symptoms will give you a tangible list of what to work on. Many people find it useful to work with a therapist or other mental health professional to help guide you. Figure out what your boundaries are and why You don’t have to feel ashamed of having your guard up when you understand why you put it up in the first place. For example, fear of intimacy would be an understandable response to trauma like sexual assault or childhood neglect. After abuse, we may try to protect ourselves from judgment and further harm by isolating from the rest of the world. One you’ve identified what helps you feel safe and what triggers your fear, you can now intentionally set the boundaries you want to keep and start to shift away from the ones that aren’t useful anymore. Communicate about your feelings It’s hard to build trust with someone who doesn’t even know that you’re having a hard time. If you have a romantic partner, you can tell them it’s difficult for you to let people in and you’re working on it. If you feel comfortable enough, you can also share what you’re afraid of and where your fears come from. It’s OK to tell the people in your life what you need from them in to feel safe in your relationships. Get professional help At times we can all use some support with facing our fears. A mental health professional like a therapist can offer that. A professional can also help you: figure out how your fear of intimacy started
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