Infatuation Rules
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What falling out of love looks like?

Besides no longer getting excited to spend time together, you may find yourself flat-out avoiding your partner. You may stay late at work, see movies or eat dinner by yourself, or even take the long way home to avoid being with your partner for a moment longer than you have to.

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You and your partner were all smiles and passion at the beginning of your relationship. After some time, though, those euphoric feelings faded, and you've now found yourself reminiscing on the good times instead of looking forward to the future. If this sounds like you, you may be wondering: Am I falling out of love?

"When we leave the honeymoon phase, the rose-colored glasses we’ve worn up until that point begin to fade away, and for the first time, we see our areas of difference. This is natural," says relationship expert Chanel Dokun, cofounder of Healthy Minds NYC. "But when we’re truly falling out of love, the negative begins to outweigh the positive." Meet the Expert Chanel Dokun is a life planner and relationship expert trained in marriage and family therapy. She is the cofounder of therapy practice Healthy Minds NYC and the founder of Women of Consequence, a life-coaching service for women. Unlike leaving the honeymoon phase of a relationship, which is an important step in taking your partnership to the next level, falling out of love means seeing the negative aspects of the person and not being able to move past them. When falling out of love, "We often become fixated on our differences, unable to find any common ground, and the flaws our partner has are no longer viewed as opportunities for growth but major character flaws," says Dokun. Keep in mind that if you feel like you're falling out of love, it doesn't mean you don't care about your partner; it just means those intense feelings you used to experience aren't quite there anymore. You may feel pangs of guilt about your faded feelings, but that doesn't mean you should stay in a relationship that doesn't bring you joy. Even if you don't want to hurt the person, it's imperative that you listen to your heart and do what's best for you and your partner. If you're wondering whether or not you're falling out of love with your partner, be on the lookout for these eight signs.

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How do you know your partner is not in love with you?

Signs your husband isn't in love with you: He's no longer affectionate with you. He spends a lot of time alone or out of the house. He doesn't really engage in conversation with you anymore. He's become closed off. He no longer goes out of his way to care for your relationship. Identify what's changed. More items... •

If your husband says he is not in love with you, it's important to critically consider what you want to do and how you want to move forward. Importantly, the marriage doesn't have to be over if your husband is willing to work through this with you and wants to find ways to fall in love all over again. According to Henry, it's about recognizing the difference between being in love and loving someone. "Being in love doesn't equate to whether you love someone or not. I think being in love can be an ebb and flow, whereas loving someone should be more constant," she explains. "The marriage doesn't have to be over because feelings have changed. I think it's unrealistic to expect that the intensity or level of feeling will be the same over time because circumstances can have negative impacts on the relationship." Perhaps something has pulled you and your husband apart. But if you're both still committed to working on the relationship, it's possible to bounce back. On the flip side, if your husband knows his feelings won't change again—or he isn't willing to put in the effort to see—then it may be time to consider divorce. It's also worth noting—because many people may wonder—if your husband says he isn't in love with you anymore, Henry says it doesn't necessarily mean it's because he's in love with another person. There are many reasons people fall out of love, and most often it has to do with people simply growing apart. "Maybe he's going through a transition, or maybe you've changed without realizing it," she says. "In a marriage, partners need to communicate frequently because they are individual people growing at different rates."

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