Infatuation Rules
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What falling in love does to the brain?

Researchers have scanned the brains of people who are madly in love and found a heavy surge of dopamine, a neurotransmitter in the brain's reward system that helps people feel pleasure. Dopamine, along with other chemicals, gives us that energy, focus, and obsession we feel when we're wild about someone.

healthmatters.nyp.org - An Expert Explains What Happens to Your Brain When You Fall in Love
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Is it true common antidepressants can make us fall out of love because they increase serotonin levels?

It’s possible. Taking a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) drug like Prozac or Lexapro drives up the serotonin system in the brain, and that drives down the dopamine system. So with less dopamine, you are possibly dampening your ability to feel intense, romantic love. We sometimes hear of people who go on SSRI medications and suddenly feel no passion for their partner or even fall out of love. That’s why I think it’s so important that when people are being treated with SSRI drugs they work with a licensed neuropsychopharmacologist, who fully understands the interactions and implications of taking these medications, as well as proper medical guidance.

Why does a crush feel all-consuming?

That’s because it’s a drive. The area of the brain that produces dopamine and lights up when we’re in love is near other regions that control thirst and hunger. So, it feels all-consuming because it is all-consuming—and it’s meant to spur us into action. This biological drive evolved millions of years ago to give us the ability to focus intently on another member of our species and mate.

Is love a uniquely human emotion?

Human beings aren’t the only ones who experience romantic love — other animals do too. As Dr. Fisher mentioned on the podcast, research has found that more than 100 species show some form of romantic love. Their dopamine system, like ours, gets things going. When the female elephant is in estrus, or heat, for example, she’ll concentrate on one male and they’ll snuggle up and pat each other with their trunks before they mate. Isn’t it romantic?

How do we progress from feeling smitten to wanting to move in or have kids together?

Attachment is a bit like a mother’s love, where she’d step in front of a bullet to protect her child. This maternal connection is driven by oxytocin (the so-called “bonding” or “cuddle” hormone), which is often heightened between mother and baby at birth. Likewise, studies have shown that vasopressin contributes toward protective behavior and parents’ desire to create a safe environment for their children.

How has the pandemic impacted the way we fall in love? Can we fall in love anyway?

No doubt, COVID has changed just about every aspect of life, including how we fall in love. Because of the pandemic, many people are meeting virtually or at least not coming into close physical contact. So they’re getting to know each other, finding out their similarities, and forming an attachment. You can definitely be close to someone as a friend first and have it grow into a lustful romance. So yes, we can still fall in love in the age of COVID-19. You can think of it this way: There are varying degrees of lust, attraction, and attachment in any relationship. Love is such a complex thing. And it all comes back to our survival and the evolutionary need for us to fall deeply in love and partner up.

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What's the average time to say I love you?

According to 2020 OKCupid data on 6,000 people shared with mindbodygreen, 62% of people think you should say "I love you" "as soon as you feel it," whereas 22% think you should wait "several months," and 3% think you should wait "at least a year." On average, research has found men take about three months to say "I ...

mindbodygreen.com - When Is The Right Time To Say ""I Love You"" In A New Relationship?

In general, if two people love each other, it doesn't matter who says "I love you" first. If you're not sure whether your partner feels the same way you do, you can still tell them how you feel—just be mindful of why you're doing it. If you just want to let them know where your heart is at and don't mind whether or not your feelings are reciprocated, go for it. "There is so much taboo around what 'I love you' means and who we say it to," Brown-James says. "I suggest taking a bit of time to inventory your feelings. Honoring your feelings of vulnerability is risky and can be scary. It is, however, a way to build intimacy." That said, Manly points out that those three little words can carry a lot of weight for some people, so it's worth considering how your confession might affect them and your relationship. "A person's proclamation of love can bring a 'not-so-ready' person closer, yet it can also scare someone away," she says. If it's important for you to have the other person love you back, Manly recommends paying attention to body language cues as well as the other types of language they use to describe how they feel about you. "Couples often test each other out by paying attention to key phrases such as 'I'm catching feelings for you,' 'I really like you,' or 'I feel so close to you,'" she says. "Notice if these precursors to 'I love you' are in play. If they are, it may be the right time to voice how you feel."

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