Infatuation Rules
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What does orange mean in a relationship?

They express intentional movement toward an exclusive relationship of dating or engagement. Type 3: Sexual Intimacy (Orange) The third category for intimacy is colored Orange for sexual intimacy and called igniting passion.

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Physical intimacy includes various kinds of physical connection — not just sex. There are various layers to physical intimacy, demonstrated in the figure below by Dr. Doug Rosenau. In Dr. Rosenau's color-coded system, each color or layer represents various physical aspects of intimate relating. Together, these types of physical intimacy can lend themselves to a caring, loving, and trustworthy relationship.

Type 1: Bonding Intimacy (Green)

At the base of Dr. Rosenau's pyramid is the Green layer, which represents bonding intimacy. Bonding intimacy is the expressing of feelings; connecting behaviors such as:

a hand on the shoulder

a hug

looking into another's eyes

listening intently

Bonding intimacy not only happens with spouses; it is what happens between friends and family. This type of intimacy—often referred to as fellowship—is what occurs on Sundays at church as we express warmth and love to brothers and sisters of the faith.

Type 2: Coupling Intimacy (Purple)

The next level of intimacy is coded Purple for passion. Filled with the excitement and desire for touch, coupling intimacy includes:

kissing

cuddling

making out

romantic feelings

hand holding

sensual touch

flirting

These types of behaviors are not done with just anyone. They express intentional movement toward an exclusive relationship of dating or engagement.

Type 3: Sexual Intimacy (Orange)

The third category for intimacy is colored Orange for sexual intimacy and called igniting passion. This includes all other forms of green and purple intimacy with the added layers of:

genital touching

intercourse

the full sexual experience

In Christian circles, Orange intimacy is reserved for the marital relationship. And though intercourse is the ultimate symbol for intimate relating, sex should not be the only expression of physical intimacy. As depicted in Dr. Rosenau's figure, sexual intimacy is built on the foundation of the bonding and coupling types of physical connecting. Thus, true physical intimacy in marriage includes all forms of physical connection, including hand-holding, looking into your spouse's eyes, hugs, listening intently, expressing warmth, kissing, flirting, romance, etc. Without the Green and the Purple types of physical connection, the sexual connection can be lacking in the intimacy for which it is designed.

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How much no contact is enough?

The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.

Some people try to use the no-contact rule as a form of manipulation (i.e., a way to get your ex to miss you so much, they want you back). But despite what some people will tell you on the internet, no contact is not particularly effective for getting an ex back. Just because some people have exes who reached out to them after a period of no contact doesn't mean this will be the case for everyone. Moreover, trying to reduce your former partner to a formula or trying to control their behavior to meet your own needs is not very empathetic. Attempting to use the no-contact rule this way may be a sign that you have your own inner work to do that's a barrier to your relationship working. This strategy can also be unhealthy for you because it keeps you psychologically attached to a past relationship, slowing down your healing process. Instead, the no-contact rule should be about you and helping yourself move on from your ex. It's an integral tool of self-empowerment. You want to get to the place where you're able to say, "With or without you, my life is going to be amazing."

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