Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Vlada Karpovich
For others, saying "I love you" means, "I'm offering a commitment. I'm going to be here to do things for you." For many men, love is expressed through action, so these words are a promise of what is to follow. Simply by saying these words they feel they are agreeing to be there, to give to her and support her.
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Read More »"I can sleep with her, marry her, take care of her, but love—that's something else," said Tony, a married man in his late 40s. "Guys don't like to talk about love. They don't know what to say. Of course guys feel love. But they express it differently." Why don't most men just come out and tell us the way they feel? In my years spent as a therapist, I've learned that love can make men feel vulnerable, childlike and unable to do what's expected of them, especially those who believe they're functioning in a dog-eat-dog world. Still men do love, and different types of men express their love differently. In fact, love means different things to a man, at different times in his life. This means that a woman needs to be alert to who her man is and what love means to him. If you're frustrated with waiting to hear those three magic words, take a look at what your man may already be saying—in other ways:
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Read More »There are many different kinds of gifts a man can give. The obvious ones include those wrapped in packages, candy, flowers and special notes. But there are others that a woman may or may not be aware of. For example, for some men, giving their time to you is a gift. When they spend more time with you, and less with family and friends, this is their way of saying that they love you. They are choosing to be with you. Some other men choose other gifts. Whether your partner stands up for you during a difficult time, goes with you to visit your family, does little jobs for you, attends important functions with you, puts you first in his thoughts or plans trips, dates or outings, the message is the same. He loves you. If this sounds like your man, keep in mind he, like many men, may not be comfortable with expressing his feelings directly, so these behaviors are indicators that he cares a great deal. The trick to understanding a guy like this lies in realizing two things: These actions are being generated out of love, and he expects you to know that.
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Read More »Another way of saying "I love you" is taking you home to meet the family and close, meaningful friends. This is often an indicator that the man has deeper feelings for you. Not only does it say that that he's proud of you, but he wants to connect you with the people who mean the most to him. He wants you to care about them, and for them to care about you as well. This is a sure sign that intimacy and love are increasing for him, and that you are becoming a significant part of his life. Some women complain a great deal about not having met the family and being kept separate and apart. When this goes on for too long in a relationship, it can be a sign that the depth of his feelings for you, and his involvement, are lacking. Some men compartmentalize relationships. They have someone for dating, someone for sex, someone else for the kind of love that leads to marriage. By being aware of the people in his life that he introduces you to and includes you with, you can get a good idea of how he operates in this area. Does he want you in all parts of his life, or is this a limited relationship? Love, in the deepest sense, includes sharing all parts of ourselves with another. It is helpful to keep a little journal of your relationship. So many acts and expressions of love go unnoticed and unfelt, because we simply get used to them or become too busy to stop and take note—or to stop and say thank-you. Take a few minutes each evening to note what you received that day, and also what you gave. Write it down. Be specific. List everything, like phone calls, kind words, a surprise visit, etc. You'll be amazed when you look back and realize all the ways your partner is giving to you. Plus, it'll help you find new ways to give back to him.
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