What does Cupiosexual mean?

“Cupiosexuality refers to an individual who does not experience sexual desire, but still wants a sexual relationship,” Ted Lewis (they/them), Youth and Families Director at the Human Rights Campaign, explains.

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Sexuality, and the terms we use to describe our sexual orientation, is constantly evolving. In recent years, more terms have emerged that help us better describe our experiences and attractions. It’s helpful to learn and understand, so we can affirm and support others in how they identify. One of these terms is cupiosexual, which exists on the asexual spectrum. “Cupiosexuality refers to an individual who does not experience sexual desire, but still wants a sexual relationship,” Ted Lewis (they/them), Youth and Families Director at the Human Rights Campaign, explains. Like other microlabels that fall under the asexual umbrella — such as graysexual and demisexual — cupiosexual represents the level of sexual attraction that someone experiences. So if you’re cupiosexual, you want a sexual relationship, but don’t feel sexual attraction to others. To better understand what it means to be cupiosexual, we’re breaking down everything you should know, including signs you might be cupiosexual and how it relates to other asexual identities.

What are some signs that you might be cupiosexual?

The biggest sign that you might be cupiosexual is that you rarely experience sexual attraction. You might first identify as asexual, but as you have more experiences and potentially engage in new relationships, you feel that cupiosexual better defines your sexuality. Even though you crave or desire a sexual relationship, you lack feelings of sexual attraction. “Similar to other identities within the asexual spectrum, people who are cupiosexual typically come to understand their identity through the lack of sexual desire, often realizing that they don't have a desire to engage in sexual gratification,” Lewis says. According to LGBTQ+ dating app Taimi, you can still want the connectedness and physical pleasure of being with someone, without feeling sexual attraction.

How is being cupiosexual different from being asexual?

Remember, asexual is an umbrella term that cupiosexual falls under. But it differs in that even though you don’t experience sexual attraction to others, you still desire a sexual relationship. “For example, someone may not experience sexual desire, but that does not mean they don’t experience pleasure from a sexual relationship with a partner. Thus, someone who is cupiosexual does not experience that sexual desire themselves, but may still want a sexual relationship,” Lewis explains.

How do I explain to my friends or family that I’m cupiosexual?

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Whether or not you choose to tell people about your sexual orientation or identity is completely up to you. If you do feel like sharing, there’s no one way of telling someone that you’re cupiosexual. Do it however you feel the most comfortable. It might help to first explain what asexuality is, Lewis says. Doing so can help you better communicate what cupiosexuality is, since they are related terms. Let them know that sexuality is a spectrum, and that includes how often we experience sexual attraction. Be open to questions, if you’re comfortable answering them. If you’re discussing your cupiosexuality with a partner or potential partner, you might want to discuss your interests and boundaries, as well. “The key is to find a community that will support your full authentic self,” Lewis says. Coming out and exploring your sexuality is monumental, and can bring up a lot of questions. Surround yourself with others who are supportive and affirm your identity.

Is there a cupiosexual pride flag?

Yes! The cupiosexual pride flag features four horizontal lines: one gray, one purple, one white, and one pink.

Design by Yoora Kim

What are some good resources on this?

There aren’t as many specific resources on cupiosexuality, but the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) is a helpful place to start. The site offers general and relationship FAQs, forums, and definitions on asexual terms. You could also join a local LGBTQ+ organization, which gives you the opportunity to connect with others who accept you and understand what you’re going through. And every year, the final week of October is dedicated to Ace Week, an international campaign that celebrates the asexual community through dozens of online and in-person events.

seventeen.com - What Is Cupiosexuality? - Seventeen Magazine