Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Ketut Subiyanto
Narcissists require loyalty. That being said, the loyalty is only one way. Many narcissists demand loyalty from their partners, while hypocritically betraying the relationship themselves; sometimes by even cheating on their partners, with no remorse.
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Read More »Narcissists or similar types of abusers will benefit from certain traits of the other parties in their relationships. The following list includes some of these traits. If you are a partner (also known as co-narcissist) of a narcissistic abuser, then use this list to help make the necessary changes you need to protect yourself. Forgiving. Narcissists benefit from being with people who will forgive them for being hurtful. They will continuously hurt you, so in order for them to continue in the relationship, they need to be with someone who does not hold grudges. Loyal. Narcissists require loyalty. That being said, the loyalty is only one way. Many narcissists demand loyalty from their partners, while hypocritically betraying the relationship themselves; sometimes by even cheating on their partners, with no remorse. Overlooks the bad. Only sees the good in others. Co-narcissists often overlook peoples bad traits, tending to focus mainly on the good. If the narcissist has a bad temper, their partner may overlook this trait, focusing instead, on how good looking he/she is. Overlooking the bad is necessary for maintaining a relationship with a narcissist, for obvious reasons. Have external locus of control. In other words, targets of narcissists are often people who are not self-referencing, but, rather are other-referencing; that is, they do not look internally for their decision making, such as by asking How do I feel about this? Rather, co-narcissists, evaluate decisions by how the other person might react, with no concern for the self. Self-Sacrificing. Narcissists love to find partners who are self-sacrificing. Narcissists dont have any desire to focus on the victims needs. He/she needs a partner who is willing to have no needs, that way, he/she can always make sure only the narcissist is taken care of. Overly Responsible. Victims of narcissistic abuse tend to take on the responsibilities of others without even realizing it. Since narcissists are very emotionally, relationally, and otherwise, irresponsible, having a partner pick of the pieces helps keep the process going. After all, someone needs to raise the kids and pay the bills. Accommodating. Narcissists want to have their own way. They tend to be rule-oriented and controlling. They are inflexible. It benefits narcissists to have partners who are willing to go with the flow and not make a big deal over anything, ever. If you are willing to not get your way, be extremely flexible, and willing to bend and compromise away your desires, schedule, wants, and needs, then you are exactly what a narcissist wants in his/her life. If you believe your partner is abusing you and taking advantage of your good traits, then you can do something about it. You dont necessarily need to stop having all of the awesome traits listed above, you just need to be wise and use discernment about when to display these traits.
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Read More »Remember the verse in scripture, Dont throw your pearls before swine? It is helpful to use this saying when dealing with an abusive person. You can still possess these great traits, but you dont have to bring them out for another person to exploit. You can stop being forgiving, loyal, outward focused, self-sacrificing, overly-responsible, and accommodating when dealing with any person who isnt going to appreciate these traits in you. This is called wisdom and discernment.
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