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What does a narcissist look like as a woman?

Specifically, female narcissists are less entitled, impulsive, aggressive, and more empathetic than males diagnosed with NPD. 2 , 4 Female narcissists also may display certain distinct traits such as a preoccupation with their appearance or being more prone to envy and jealousy than males.

choosingtherapy.com - Female Narcissist: 15 Common Traits to Look For

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What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

While people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can be superficially charming and likable at first, this false persona wears off quickly. Narcissists tend to be hypersensitive to criticism and highly defensive when they’re offended, which is often how their difficult personalities are revealed to others. When offended, someone with NPD will often become highly defensive, reactive, and even aggressive or hostile. According to current diagnostic criteria, NPD is characterized by five or more of the following:1

Grandiosity or an excessive sense of self-importance

Fantasies of powerful, success, beauty, or importance

A belief in being special or exceptional (sometimes with a desire to network with people of similarly high ‘status’ or ‘importance’)

An excessive need for validation, praise and admiration from others

A sense of entitlement or feeling like one deserves special treatment

Exploiting others for personal gain or selfish reasons

Lacking in empathy or unwilling to identify with the needs of others

Being envious of others or believing others are envious of them

Arrogant or haughty behavior, or acting better or superior to other people

Types of Narcissists

Some experts believe that there are distinct subtypes of NPD. While the same criteria listed above is used for diagnosing, it’s possible for a person to display slightly different traits and tendencies depending on their subtype.

Common types of narcissists include:5, 6

Overt narcissist (aka classic or grandiose narcissist) : An overt narcissist displays most of the traditional narcissistic traits and tendencies including grandiosity, entitlement, and behaving in a boastful manner (aka classic or grandiose narcissist) An overt narcissist displays most of the traditional narcissistic traits and tendencies including grandiosity, entitlement, and behaving in a boastful manner Covert narcissist (aka insecure or vulnerable narcissist) : A covert narcissist can be harder to detect because they may appear shy, humble, reserved, or even insecure to other people (aka insecure or vulnerable narcissist) A covert narcissist can be harder to detect because they may appear shy, humble, reserved, or even insecure to other people Communal narcissist: A communal narcissist is someone who appears selfless and generous with their time, money, and resources. They are likely to be very active in charities or other good causes, but use these roles to promote themselves, form a favorable impression, or create a reputation for being a ‘good person’ A communal narcissist is someone who appears selfless and generous with their time, money, and resources. They are likely to be very active in charities or other good causes, but use these roles to promote themselves, form a favorable impression, or create a reputation for being a ‘good person’ Malignant narcissist: A malignant narcissist has traits and symptoms of both narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder. They are considered dangerous, because they display a lack of empathy and a pattern on preying on others A malignant narcissist has traits and symptoms of both narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder. They are considered dangerous, because they display a lack of empathy and a pattern on preying on others Healthy narcissist: Some researchers argue that there is a ‘healthy narcissist’ subtype that describes people with high self-esteem along with other NPD traits that do not interfere or cause problems in their lives or relationships

15 Female Narcissistic Traits

Research on the differences between male and female narcissists suggests that NPD traits in women are fewer in number and less severe. Specifically, female narcissists are less entitled, impulsive, aggressive, and more empathetic than males diagnosed with NPD.2, 4 Female narcissists also may display certain distinct traits such as a preoccupation with their appearance or being more prone to envy and jealousy than males.2, 3

Below 15 common female narcissistic traits:

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1. Being Self-Centered or Self-Absorbed

Self-centeredness is a hallmark sign of NPD in both men and women.1, 3 A female narcissist may spend a lot of time talking about herself and her life, without thinking to ask how others are doing. When people do interject to talk about themselves, the female narcissist may show little interest, and quickly turn the conversation back to herself. Another telltale sign of narcissism is never admitting fault or apologizing, and instead finding ways to project blame outwards onto other people or situations.1 For example, narcissistic women will often deflect blame by making excuses for their mistakes or finding ways to twist the situation and paint someone else as the bad guy. Narcissistic women can have a tendency to be petty. They often get stuck on small details or perceived wrongdoings of other people, even when they don’t really matter.1, 3, 5, 6 For instance, a female narcissist may be unable to stop obsessing over the smallest criticism or slight, and may even become hyper focused on getting revenge. This inability to let go of small grievances can become problematic for the narcissistic woman, making her seem jealous, petty, and bitter to others.

4. Obsession With Social Status

Being shallow or superficial is a common trait in both male and female narcissists.1 In women with NPD, this might show up as a tendency to be overly materialistic or preoccupied with brand name, luxury items or other status symbols associated with being wealthy. Other times, this may include excessive concern about social status, reputation, social media, or appearances.4, 7 All narcissists are self-absorbed, but this can be exhibited differently in female narcissists than in males. Women with NPD may be more likely to get wrapped up in social media, post selfies, and become obsessed with getting likes and followers online. Some may even be addicted to social media and unable to pull themselves away from the virtual realities they’ve created online.7

6. Exploitative of Others

Narcissists are known to exploit other people for personal gain or self-serving interests, but men and women may have opposing ways of doing so. For example, women with NPD will often use manipulative or passive aggressive behaviors to fulfill their needs, while men may use force, intimidation, or physical aggression.2, 3

7. Being Overly Vain

While both men and women with NPD are prone to vanity, research shows that women with NPD are more likely to be preoccupied with physical appearance. Also, women with NPD may be more sensitive to criticisms about their physical appearance, weight, or attractiveness than men with the disorder.2, 3, 4 Narcissism in women may lead to excessive cosmetic procedures, extreme dieting, or an unhealthy obsession with appearance or weight.

8. Using Sex Appeal to Coerce

Women with NPD may be more likely to capitalize on their sex appeal or physical attractiveness. Recent studies have found that many female narcissists dress in sexually provocative ways–like dressing in revealing clothing or wearing a lot of makeup.3 Some may use sexual seduction as a way to manipulate or financially exploit others, or engage in sexual narcissism. They may even become involved in parasitic sexual relationships with people who can support or help them in some way.8, 9

9. Seeming Insecure, Shy, or Reserved

Women with NPD are more likely to display signs of covert narcissism, experiencing traits that differ from the stereotypical portrayals of narcissism.3, 4 A covert narcissist may not seem arrogant, grandiose, or entitled, and may instead present as shy, quiet, and even insecure. When insecurity and low self-esteem are coupled with other signs and traits of narcissism, this often indicates covert narcissism.5, 6

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10. Sensitive & Reactive

Female narcissists are often more emotional than their male counterparts, which also makes them more likely to be sensitive and reactive. While all narcissists tend to be sensitive to criticism, female narcissists may be more prone to being hurt, offended, or upset by others. This can also make them more likely to lash out, become moody or emotional, or shut down when upset.2, 3

11. Dependency or Neediness

Female narcissists (especially covert narcissists) may display needy or dependent patterns in their relationships with others.3, 4 The female narcissist typically needs a lot of validation, praise, and reassurance from her friends, family, and lovers, which betrays her underlying insecurities. Without this validation, she may become jealous, upset, moody, brooding, or experience emotional outbursts.2, 4

12. Playing the Victim Card

Playing the victim by being submissive or seemingly helpless may be a tactic that female narcissists use to get things they want or lure people in. Once they do, they will often use the martyr or victim card to exploit people or convince them to do things for them.2, 3 This tendency is one of the more common traits of a narcissist woman, which may be due to societal expectations and gender roles.3, 4

13. Passive Aggressive & Manipulative

Research on the sex differences in NPD have consistently found that female narcissists are less physically aggressive than male narcissists, and more likely to use passive aggression and manipulation to coerce other people.2, 3 For instance, a female narcissist might manipulate others by playing the victim, going behind someone’s back, or using tactics like guilt tripping or giving the silent treatment.

14. Bullying or Being a “Mean Girl”

Just because narcissistic women aren’t as physically aggressive doesn’t necessarily mean they’re any nicer or less dangerous. Female narcissists may use different types of aggression like gossiping, spreading rumors, gaslighting, name calling, or giving people the cold shoulder. These are all forms of narcissistic abuse that can be just as harmful as the more overt forms of aggression typical in male narcissists.

15. Instability in Work, Life, or Relationships

As a general rule, it’s possible to gauge the severity of narcissism by the overall level of functioning of the person.1 Female narcissists with more severe versions of NPD will usually show more instability in their personal and professional lives and relationships. They might be unable to hold down a steady job, maintain their finances, or unable to develop healthy, lasting friendships and romantic partnerships.

choosingtherapy.com - Female Narcissist: 15 Common Traits to Look For

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