Infatuation Rules
Photo: Elena Rubtsova
You might also refer to him as something more detached, like my "plus-one," "prospect" or literally, like, "This is my date." Some prefer the tongue-in-cheek "not-boyfriend." You can be coy ("fancy friend") or a bit crass ("makeout buddy") or cheesy ("this is my luvvah") or even snobbish/fake-French.
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Read More »Hi Anna! I read your column in the RedEye every week! I have never been one to go for online dating, I'm just not into it. However, my sister is on Tinder and matched with a guy she thought would be perfect for me. She asked if she could give him my number, and I said sure. So he texted me, and we went out for dinner. That was about two months ago, and we've been on several dates since then and text on a regular basis. I've been to his apartment, and he's been to mine. We've kissed and made out a few times, but no sex. I am not seeing other people, but he says we are not exclusive, which I am fine with. I've never dated anyone before or had a boyfriend. I am hoping you can help me figure out what to call this guy. I don't think we are boyfriend/girlfriend, but I do think we are more than friends. Friends with benefits doesn't quite fit because we don't make out on a regular basis (I'm not a very physical person). I know I can use the phrase "the guy I'm dating," but I would like to find a noun, a one-word, concise term I can use in conversation with my friends and family. I look forward to your advice!
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Read More »That word might feel too intense for your situation, in which case, here are some other suggestions. Lindsay King-Miller, from the fantastic advice column (and now book) "Ask a Queer Chick," coined the term "umfriend," for when you're in the in-between, not-totally-sure-what-to-call-it dating space. As in, "He's my, um, friend." You might also refer to him as something more detached, like my "plus-one," "prospect" or literally, like, "This is my date." Some prefer the tongue-in-cheek "not-boyfriend." You can be coy ("fancy friend") or a bit crass ("makeout buddy") or cheesy ("this is my luvvah") or even snobbish/fake-French. ("Oh, Steve? He's just my au courant.") They'll probably be too impressed to even ask what it means (well-informed or fashionable, for the record). A Twitter follower also threw out the Bavarian word gspusi, which means lover/affair. One of my exes referred to me as "the writer" when we first started dating, which I very much enjoyed. This may not work if he's, like, an insurance adjustor, but then again, maybe it will. "This is Steve, my adjustor."
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