What causes lack of trust in a relationship?

What Causes Trust Issues? Possible origins of trust issues include low self-esteem, past betrayals, mental health disorders, adverse childhood experiences or traumatic events. Any time your sense of safety or security is threatened, it can cause trust issues to arise.

choosingtherapy.com - 13 Signs of Trust Issues & How to Get Over Them

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What Are Trust Issues?

Trust is believing in the integrity of others. Building trust means that you feel secure in your interactions and relationships, and are able to be open and vulnerable with others. When people harm you and betray your trust, your feeling of security can be shattered. You start to expect the worst from others and become suspicious and skeptical. This lack of trust, commonly referred to as having trust issues, can be very harmful to your mental health and your relationships with others.1

The Importance of Trust in Romantic Relationships

Trust issues can cause you to have relationship anxiety and can keep you from going deeper in a relationship. It can also be a major issue if you’re checking your partner’s phone without asking or if you’re constantly checking up on them. Building trust in a relationship is key to counting on each other and maintaining longevity.

Why Are Trust Issues Harmful?

Trust issues can affect many areas of your life, including your mental and emotional health and your professional and personal relationships. Trust issues can lead to relationship problems, loneliness, isolation, stress, burnout, and perfectionism. When you don’t trust others, it causes you to obsess about other people’s actions or feel like you have to do everything yourself. It can also lead to developing control issues and perfectionism.

Trust issues can negatively affect the following:2

Work relationships and productivity

Romantic relationships

Friendships

Relationships with family members

Relationships with your children

Your own mental health

13 Signs of Trust Issues

Trust issues can cause you to feel suspicious, to doubt others, and even to isolate yourself. You might have volatile, unstable relationships, pick fights, or accuse others of dishonesty or betrayal. You also might spend a lot of time worrying, wondering, or even obsessing about what others are up to.

Here are 13 potential signs of trust issues:

1. You Focus on the Negative

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People in trusting and healthy relationships are more likely to see the positives in each other, whereas people with trust issues are more likely to focus on the negatives. If you often find yourself assuming the worst and noticing people’s weaknesses rather than strengths, that could be a sign of trust issues.3 You have a hard time relying on others to follow through, so you do it all yourself. This leads to perfectionism, stress, and overwork. In the workplace, it can make it difficult for you to work as part of a team, because you don’t feel comfortable delegating or counting on others to do their part.4

3. You Are Suspicious of Friends & Family

You are always preparing yourself for the next betrayal, letdown, or ulterior motive. You don’t believe what people tell you. Your knee-jerk reaction is to assume that they are being dishonest or have broken your trust in some way.

4. You Avoid Intimacy

Intimacy requires vulnerability, and people with trust issues try to avoid feeling vulnerable at all costs. If you have trust issues or a fear of intimacy, you would rather be on your own than risk being hurt.

5. You Hold Grudges

Once someone has broken your trust or let you down, you never forget it. You are not likely to ever forgive or trust that person again.

6. You Pick Fights

When you have trust issues, you are hyper-aware of any little thing that could go wrong in a relationship. You don’t trust your partner, so you bring up issues from their past or find things that bother you and start a fight.

7. You Keep to Yourself

Sharing your inner world with others requires trust. When you have trust issues, you would rather keep things to yourself than risk trusting someone else with the details of your inner life.

8. You Avoid Commitment

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You have trouble committing, because committed relationships require trust and vulnerability from everyone involved. When you don’t trust others, you avoid getting into situations that cause you to feel vulnerable, and you develop commitment issues.

9. You Spy on People or Check Their Phones

When you have trust issues, you are always looking for evidence to prove whether someone is being honest with you or not. Since you don’t believe them, you seek out evidence to either set your mind at ease or prove you right.

10. You’re a Loner

You prefer your own company to anyone else’s, because at least when you are by yourself no one else can let you down.

11. You Find Yourself in Relationships With Untrustworthy People

Frustratingly, having your trust broken can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you expect a certain thing to happen, in the case of having trust issues, being betrayed, your subconscious mind will seek out those situations.5

12. You Smother People You Care About

When people are in your inner circle, you protect them fiercely because you fear that they will leave you or that something bad will happen to you. This can result in smothering, hovering, or codependent behavior in your relationships.

13. You Have a Fear of Abandonment

You live in constant fear of being abandoned or rejected in all of your relationships. When you get a “please stop by my office” email from your boss, you are sure you are being fired. When you see photos of friends having fun, your first thought is that they left you out on purpose. In romantic relationships, you have constant fear of abandonment lurking under the surface that they are getting ready to break things off.

choosingtherapy.com - 13 Signs of Trust Issues & How to Get Over Them

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