What attachment style is abandonment issues?

People with an avoidant attachment style tend to cope with abandonment issues by not allowing people to get close to them, and not opening up and trusting others. They may be characteristically distant, private, or withdrawn.

choosingtherapy.com - Abandonment Issues: Signs, Causes & How to Overcome

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Signs of Abandonment Issues

Abandonment issues show up in a person’s relationships, and tend to impact romantic relationships the most. People with abandonment issues are more likely to have developed specific defense mechanisms that make it more difficult to form close, healthy relationships. The particular types of defense mechanisms a person with abandonment issues develops can be different. These are categorized as different “attachment styles.”

People with abandonment issues will display unhealthy patterns in their relationships, like:

Pushing People Away

Some will push people away, withdraw and develop trust issues, unable to open up and be honest with loved ones.

Codependency

Others will become overly needy in relationships and will develop patterns of codependency, relying on the other person to meet all of their emotional needs.

Blowing Up When Threatened

Others with abandonment fears will allow people to get close, but become volatile, aggressive, or emotionally reactive with their partner when they feel threatened or upset.

Signs of Abandonment Issues in Children

In children, abandonment issues often show up as anxiety, especially when separating from a caregiver. Children with abandonment issues may be more easily upset and often have difficulty regulating their emotions. They may exhibit negative attention-seeking behaviors and have outbursts or tantrums. They can either demonstrate avoidant or antisocial behaviors, withdrawing from peers, or bullying others. They might also be either very fearful of adults or overly trusting, developing fast dependencies.3,5,7

What Can Cause Abandonment Issues?

Abandonment issues that begin in childhood are almost always the result of Adverse Childhood Experiences (or ACE’s), which describe different types of stressful and traumatic experiences. Experiencing abuse, neglect, or a traumatic loss of a loved one is the most common cause of abandonment issues, especially when these occur in early childhood. It is generally believed that the first year of life is especially impactful to a child’s development and that a child’s attachment style is formed by age five.3 These experiences lead to the development of negative beliefs about oneself and others that form the basis for insecure attachments and abandonment fears. These beliefs can include self-worth issues like believing they are unlovable or unworthy, beliefs that others are untrustworthy, or believing people will always end up leaving.3,7 While experiencing trauma in childhood is more likely to lead to insecure attachment, experiences later on in life may also cause insecure attachments and abandonment fears. For instance, being in an emotionally, physically, or sexually abusive relationship, being cheated on or betrayed, or experiencing rejection as an adult could trigger these fears.

What Are the Long-Term Effects of Abandonment Issues?

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Because abandonment issues are closely linked to childhood traumas, research done on the long-term effects of childhood trauma may also apply to those with abandonment issues. One of the most widely referenced studies on these topics was a study on the long-term effects of Adverse Childhood Experiences.

This study found that people who reported these traumatic childhood experiences were:4,6

At higher risk for a range of chronic health issues including cancer, diabetes, autoimmune conditions, obesity, and heart disease At higher risk for depression and suicide, as well as anxiety, PTSD, addiction, and developing any mental health condition An increased risk for developing personality disorders or borderline, narcissistic or antisocial traits More likely to show signs of delayed development including poorer attention spans, memory and learning skills

How to Deal With Abandonment Issues

In addition to working with a counselor, there are also some things you can do on your own to help overcome your abandonment issues, including:

Determine Your Attachment Style

Learn More About Your Style, Specific Defenses, and What Triggers Them

The next step is to learn more about your specific attachment style and identify some of your own patterns. Next, note some of the specific ways your attachment and abandonment issues show up so that you can be more aware of them.

Some patterns to identify include:

What past or childhood experiences these issues stem from

How these experiences affected your view of yourself, others, and relationships

What situations trigger these memories or insecurities now

How you typically respond when triggered (what you do/say)

How these responses cause problems or act as a barrier in relationships

Practice More Effective Responses to Emotional Triggers

While you cannot change the traumas or painful experiences that caused your abandonment issues, you can work to heal from them and change your patterns. While these old defenses and ways of coping with your fear of abandonment may have helped protect you in the past, they may be getting in your way now. If so, work to identify new, healthier, and more effective responses during times when these fears are triggered. These responses might include:

choosingtherapy.com - Abandonment Issues: Signs, Causes & How to Overcome